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BearSchlong

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Everything posted by BearSchlong

  1. Matilda May Bearschlong came home today. Dachshund #3. The others are not amused yet.
  2. John Lithgow plays the exact same character in every single performance.
  3. I don't know the suspect but I know people who now know people who did.
  4. The only thing I terrorized was an errant field mouse.
  5. 12 years ago when I was fucking the ass off my then gf every 2 hours and people made comments like this I would think “ha ha ha you poor bastards that will never happen to me.” Then men-pause or whatever the fuck it's called happened. Now all I have is a fist bump and a “I feel ya bro”
  6. BearSchlong

    Landman

    “I just witnessed my whole marriage encapsulated into the last 5 minutes and now Im exhausted” was a pretty good line. “I don't know if I want to lose another lover but I wouldn't mind having a dick in my face” was funny too.
  7. Swing by the friendship AA group in lewisville. Their username checks out. Or the Chicago group in north Dallas. They won't disappoint. Simply AA in Irving. And what PCH said. He is legit.
  8. I lost my virginity to a half Italian/half Cherokee vixen on Dec 23 1987 while listening to Rubber Soul, so this hits hard. Bravo!
  9. I may be starting an Al-anon thread. I'll bring details later; but my son and DIL left Christmas 12 hours early because of his sibling’s drinking. I have no objectivity wrt my precious little girl. Page 90 of the 12&12 and page 417 of the BB are my solace.
  10. BearSchlong

    Landman

    Yep. I should have read your posts before spouting off like inside baseball.
  11. BearSchlong

    Landman

    Also he said there is a good chance that Ambev is paying Sheridan for all the ultra jokes. Lean into the bud light hate for a demographic audience that can't be swayed, get them to buy more ultra. Same company. Season 1 of Yellowstone was bud until coors outbid them for season 2.
  12. BearSchlong

    Landman

    My stepbrother is the Anheuser busch distributor marketing contact quoted at length in the WSJ articles throughout all the bud light blowback; I showed him the scene on Christmas eve and he laughed and said yeah Ultra is through the roof. My SIL hired the red clay strays for 3 events so that episode hit close to home.
  13. Christ on a cracker its 1/3 over. Had 50 people over last night. Only one argument. I refuse to rehash past grievances so I after all the younguns retired to the patio with a case of wine I put on some Christmas jazz and chilled. I'm becoming my late father. I'll work like hell and pay good money for a big party but when I'm done I need a quiet room and some topo chicos. It was cold, and I had several propane firepits and heaters going. My main goal was to keep all my cousins kids from setting themselves or each other on fire. Mission accomplished. Made a gumbo from the meat and stock of a 12 lb Greenberg and that is just about the tastiest thing ever.
  14. BearSchlong

    Landman

    Glad to see the Red Clay Strays getting some Sheridan universe love. Was at a party they played about 10 years ago and they are super talented. Segue to Bad Santa.
  15. BearSchlong

    Landman

    I hope you get married one day and have a daughter whose hotter than a 2 dollar Rolex! This family is awesome
  16. I had 50 relatives to the house last night for an annual Christmas party occurring since the early 1940s and that would have been useful.
  17. BearSchlong

    Landman

    My pecker still works.
  18. I'm dying. Turned off the SHSU bowl game, took the dogs outside for a nice leisurely pre-bedtime bathroom break. I myself hosed down the rock formation behind what was previously a water feature. The dogs meander inside, climb the ramp and get in bed. Wife is loving on the dogs, giving belly rubs. “Did he poop while he was outside?” me: “I think so, we were out there for a while. “When I listen to his tummy I can hear his bowels moving” I lost my shit. Belly laughed for several minutes. “Honey, you are hearing digestive noises, you can't hear his bowels move because that would mean he was actually in the act of pooping. Those noises mean he just pooped and his digestive tract is working on the food he ate tonight” Of course she doesn't believe me and asks the dog if he needs to go back outside and poop. By this time Ive got the bed adjusted to zero G and turned the bed vibrator to high, getting settled in for the night. (aw fuck, she's on call and the bat phone just rang, somewhere in Texas a parent, child, and LEO are having an encounter and someone is headed to jail.)
  19. Watson gonna be sore tomorrow. I'm happy for my FIL, a SHSU alum. Just lost his wife and this is the silver lining around an otherwise shitty Christmas.
  20. Great documentary. https://www.google.com/search?q=tread+film&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS1067US1067&oq=tread+film&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqEAgAEAAYkQIY4wIYgAQYigUyEAgAEAAYkQIY4wIYgAQYigUyDQgBEC4YkQIYgAQYigUyBwgCEAAYgAQyBwgDEAAYgAQyCAgEEAAYFhgeMggIBRAAGBYYHjIICAYQABgWGB4yCAgHEAAYFhgeMggICBAAGBYYHjIICAkQABgWGB7SAQgzOTI0ajBqN6gCGrACAeIDBBgBIF8&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#ebo=0
  21. I need that “dilf’n ain’t easy” sticker.
  22. Isn’t that the same model Kelly Clarkson drove before she got famous?
  23. At lunch today a reasonably attractive looking lady around my age (50s) kept eyeing me and after about 20 minutes walked up to me, touched me on the arm, and said “you’re sexy as hell, why is it all the good guys like you are married?” My prompt reply was “what makes you think I’m a good guy? What if I’m really an evil badass?” Turns out she’s a rich widow and the holidays make her horny and lonely. Brenda, I hope you find true love and aren’t a serial killer. Still good for the ego.
  24. They make 3mg zyns.
  25. Seriously, I can’t figure it out. Some help?
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