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Gather 'round, young surls, for the retelling of a classic Christmas story


Beau Vine

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I don't hang lights. I don't get people that do. I really don't get people that go all out with them. 

We live on a street where a lot of people do it up big. Like, big enough that we regularly have people touring our. Lock around Christmas. So, when we moved in, we felt like we needed to play ball. We do…..but barely. We participate. That’s it. And we’ve got our setup down to a science, so we can get it up in a few hours.

But if we didn’t, it wouldn’t break my heart.
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  • 2 years later...

The last year or two on my street the Hive Mind decided to all hang the same kind of Christmas lights. And not the gaudy Uncle-Bert-stole-a-truckload-of-lights either, which would have been glorious. No, they all opted for Sad Protestant Single Strand of White Lights outlining the roof and wall edges of the house.

Sorta gives the feeling of walking through an early vector-graphic game like Battlezone.

What's more, nobody hangs the lights themselves. Oh No. There's some gang of hillbillies rolling around doing it for everybody and I hope those fuckers are making bank.

Me, I am too blue-collar deep down to pay some other dude to do frivolous shit for me. And I am way too lazy to do it myself.

There is a stump, a 4-foot-tall stump out front that I left that way for reasons, 50/50, of critter habitat, and pissing off people who wish we had an HOA that wouldn't let us leave stumps. Maybe after Christmas I'll wrap a strand of lights around the stump, just so people who don't like the stump can see it in the dark.

  • Haha 2
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