54 years old. Had my annual physical last week including the typical blood tests, except my doctor asked if I wanted to also try a new test for markers of Alzheimer's/dementia since I've had memory issues the past several years. About 8 to 10 years ago I had an MRI on my brain and it showed cerebral atrophy at an advanced level for my age back then, but my neurologist retired a couple of months later and things didn't seem to be getting any worse, so I didn't do pursue it any further. Anyway, a day or two after my physical, my doctor's nurse calls and says test results are normal-ish, but the typical "lose weight, eat better, exercise" routine they say every year. So I think, that's that, see you next year.
Then Thursday night at 8:38, my doctor, not his nurse, calls to talk about the other test, which frankly, I had forgotten about. He goes on to explain that my results were a bit "outside of the normal range" and that he's going to find a new neurologist for me to start the process to understand how far along I am. So basically, as he explained it, at this point, it's not so much will I get it, but when will I develop it, if I haven't already. I have noticed that it's a lot more difficult to focus on stuff at work and keep my thoughts organized, but it hasn't been at an alarming rate. I just figured that it was because as I age, my give a shit has naturally decreased.
I've been trying to process everything and I'm lost, frankly. I feel fine. Don't notice too much different honestly. But the idea that I don't know how much of a future I'll have, is messing with me. It's not like it's an aggressive cancer diagnosis, but it's still a horrible way to go out, and I certainly don't want to be a burden to anyone. I know that at this point, having not seen a specialist yet, I'm kinda putting the cart before the horse, but I keep thinking that life as I know it is about to be over. I'm not afraid of death, but I don't want a prolonged, drawn out demise that's miserable for everyone involved. That leads to some really dark and also ridiculous thoughts. I'm a planner. I plan everything out. But all of the sudden, that seems useless.