It took me too long to recognize the concept of mental load, and drove my wife nuts a bit in the process when we had our first. She’s always been The Planner and I’ve filled the role of The Do-er better than most husbands I’m around…but once I found a few niches where I could consistently be more proactive (adding stuff to curbside, initiating conversations ahead of time on upcoming holidays/dr apt/etc, getting the dinner recipe in the morning instead of waiting for her to send it, etc) then it helped a lot.
Im sure you already knew that, and sounds like you solved that problem, just figured I’d finally join this thread with a worthless addition. Having kids certainly exposes any opportunities you have in your relationship. Good buddy of mine will do anything you ask of him without complaint…but you have to ask.
Of course it’s way better than this one guy I ran across at a friends thanksgiving party…this all-gut bastard sat on the couch while ladies prepped food, he ate three plates, then laid out immediately afterwards taking up the whole couch while my wife and I tackled dishes. His wife is hot too and I remember wondering what she was thinking seeing that.