Confession: I enjoy shooting my children with foam darts. That's it, that's the post.
Kids having a cranky Saturday? Having trouble prying them from minecraft/roblox? Solution: Nerf war. Tactics? Strategy. They are kids. So stupid. Easy prey.
Nerf stuff is fine, but xshot and dart zone are sometimes more potent. Kids are wowed by fancy attachments and gizmos. They even have knock off picatinny rails these days. Wannabe junior mall-ninja fascists, basically. They want those fancy magazine fed blasters. Jam-o-matics. Morons. Dads don't need that crap. We have old man wiles.
Pro tip: apparently wally world had the $50 nexus pro which gets like 140fps and is said to make children cry. I like aiming for the neck or ear. That's what they get for waking me before 7am. I've did a spring mod on a nerf accustrike. It rips. My go-to is a hammerstrike. Revolver-style double action means I can keep my noggin behind cover. Kids are idiots about cover. Make em wear eye protection. I guess. Lots of super cheap knock off darts on amazon.
My wife thought I was an idiot for my one couch/recliner request: must have cushions that can be used for a fort. But now she gets it, as we duck together in our bedroom hallway foxhole. You need those well crafted murder holes for drilling 10 year olds. The kids? The love it. Dumbasses.