Hoo-boy. Let's see, I'll start with this one:
The neighbor lady was obese and all of the neighborhood kids made fun of her. One day we were bored and I thought it would be a good idea to fuck with her. So we made this greeting card for her. On the outside it said, "To: Mrs. (Obese Woman's Name). When you opened it up it said on one side, "Fuck you, Jabba the Hutt." On the other side was a picture of a hand shooting the rod. Our story was going to be that we found this note in the road and that it was left by some random person. So we ran over it a few times with our bikes to put tire marks on it and complete the alibi. Obese lady was out mowing her grass on her sagging riding lawnmower. We sent my little brother over to deliver the card. He got about halfway when I panicked. I realized at that moment the whole idea was stupid and that we would be caught and I would end up getting my ass whipped. I screamed at my brother to come back and not give her the card. But it was too late. He couldn't hear me over the mower (or he chose to ignore me, knowing it was my ass). He handed it to her and she opened it and read it. I will never forget the look on her face. Face contorted in anger. She turned red. She immediate got off the lawnmower and started coming to my house. All of the other kids scattered. I ran inside and started pleading with my mom that the neighbor lady was coming over and she was going to accuse me of writing something to her that I didn't do. My mom just said that she would be able to tell based on the handwriting if it was me. Handwriting! Fuck me! Up until that point I hadn't considered I'd be identified by my handwriting!
Anyway, mom saw it, admitted it was me and apologized to the fat bitch. Then she sent me to my room for the rest of the day to wait for my dad to get home. I was shitting bricks the whole time, but all he did when he got home was talk to me about why the card was wrong. In truth, I'm sure they both had a big laugh over it.