Just starting to get through this thread... @cactusflinthead that's some incredible work quoting all the stuff from TOS, thank you sir, some great reading thus far.
I'd posted in the other forum before realizing this thread existed, but posting on the wrong forum still gave me an odd sort of relief, like I have finally realized that I do need to start taking getting some help seriously and despite thinking I'm a pretty smart guy, also trying to be smart enough to realize I can no longer manage this on my own.
I've been back in FL for work this week, and my wife and son flew in at the end of the week to be here as well, as when I'm in town I stay at her mother's house with her father-in-law. I felt a lot happier, and I think it's because it felt like we were back living here, and I knew how to handle that more than I do our current living situation in CO. Also, like some other's mentioned, I realized I do miss being in the office and that socialization. I do not enjoy getting ready to go to the office, commuting to the office, or anything about the office other than realizing I truly am lucky enough that I really enjoy the team I have to work with.
Wife and I have also discussed our finances and budget quite a bit this week. During COVID, I had a tough time being responsible with trying to be a day-trader, and since then, she's handled our finances pretty much exclusively. Discovered that at one point it looks like she missed a mortgage payment close to two years ago and we've somehow been carrying an additional $300 monthly late fee since then, and our credit card debt spiraled from the healthcare expenses. We've also suffered from some retail therapy, especially during COVID, and moving across the country and getting our house in FL ready to be a rental was some serious deficit spending. In the grand scheme of things, it's not insurmountable. Our total non-mortgage debt is about 40% of my annual salary, and while living with her FIL in CO, our living expenses are essentially close to zero and we can start making some headway to getting back to a better financial position. Just need everyone to stay healthy for awhile... and yet my wife had her first mammogram a few weeks ago and they have scheduled her for a follow up in a couple weeks to check on something. One of her closest friends had a double mastectomy last year. Statistically it's very likely to be nothing at all and just a false alarm.
On a bright note, I feel like I've been much more present and in the moment with my family this week while they've been here in FL. Swimming for hours with my son, building legos, playing Minecraft, we've had some great family time. I've also found a therapist that specializes in ADHD/Anxiety/CPTSD near our home in CO and am going to have my first visit with him shortly after returning.
I've seen it a lot in this thread, and the replies in the other, but just saying this stuff out loud, to someone other than just my wife, is liberating.