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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. When I last worked in a convenience store, we'd play "spot the smoker" as people pulled up. Gray-skinned hunchbacks with pissed-off expressions = 95% hit rate. On Broke Friday it was "Lemme git summa them Basics."
  2. And kick cigarettes, and you can afford a nice clean house in Colima a short bus ride from the beach. Not to mention you can stop planning your day dodging into convenience stores all cramped over like a wounded lich-king who's suffering from a preventable crisis while croaking out "Gimme a carton of them Marlboro Reds" with a growly vocal affect like you're trying out for a speaking part on a Sons of Anarchy remake, mannnn.
  3. I see me and Barney leaning up against the alley wall, sharing the paper bag bottle like best of friends.
  4. He actually seems pretty decent as an announcer. Maybe he has a future outside of politics. He speaks well, doesn't look any a whole lot weirder than anybody else on TV, and the teens love him.
  5. I know I kinda snarked about it upthread, but I admire anybody trying to get in better shape. That said, 100 pushups at a time without getting VA benefits? I mean, sure, do it once to prove you can, but your non-18-year-old joints might prefer 4 sets of 25 or somesuch. [I never completed or started training in physical therapy.]
  6. Wrong calendar.
  7. It had to happen. So that you learned. Me my missed moment was not meeting and hanging out with a friend-of-friend's folksinger daughter 5 minutes before she hit it big on college radio. Suzanne Vega. That was back when I was a cute young tadpole not an old toad. Doot doot doot doot, doot da doot doot, doot dot doot doot doot da doot doot.
  8. All I know is one of my best friends was obsessed with her. She was his second big crush. (First one was Kim M. who worked in the Karmalkorn in the Selma Mall, look on their works, ye mighty, and despair!) Dude was bad gone. He finally got him a New Orleans girlfriend who looked like her. Then at his accounting job his crooked bosses and crooked "friends" pressured him to do dishonest stuff, and he snapped. Started hearing demonic voices, couldn't work. But then he had a second act, because he had plenty of Alpha left in him-- he became President of the Hearing Demonic Voices Society, and would travel the country leading meetings and helping people. But then the alcohol got him. I'd get a call from some shitbox motel on Southside and go take him a sandwich, He'd be sitting there, skinnier than I last saw him, a couple of empty handles of vodka and one almost full that he'd just give to me. I'd take him to the hospital, a rehab, sometimes my house for a meal. Repeat in a few weeks. Dude was never fat and he turned into a stick. We had a falling out after I bumbled a "scare you sober" attempt. Last time I saw him was at a 4th of July party. Got a call saying he loved me. Then he died in a Bessemer halfway house. I drank free vodka for a couple months after that. Drank it straight, out of coffee cups.
  9. Probably good for America if Elon starts pissing off the US Army.
  10. I'm glad one of us is.
  11. Find out who Red is, and take her to the dog track to pick the puppies. Buy her whatever she wants to drink and eat.
  12. 1 in 50 chance I got that detail right after 36 years of pitchers of beer.
  13. Last "big name" concert I was at was a decade+ ago. Drive-By Truckers. They mighta sounded great themselves but by the time the sound bounced around to us, it was like pebbles and soggy kitty litter getting thrown at your face from a couple feet away. Didn't ruin it but knocked the experience down a bit. Last few years, I've gone to lots of small venue Punk and Metal shows. 3 to 5 bands. Some really good, some not. Only act I ever walked out of was a guy whose schtick is to take a mallet and tap a large screwdriver up into his sinuses. Is it music? It goes "ting. ting. ting." He's actually a nice guy and he thinks I enjoy his act, which tells me maybe he's not just hitting sinus.
  14. With that damn gun firing, we're gonna need better speakers or how else do we hear the music.
  15. Better weld on a roll bar before we try that.
  16. In Cav Scout AIT (long-ass basic training) we had a class in shaped charges. Except that we didn't know that, because the instructor had such a heavy Caribbean Spanish accent that it was like "Ang nau I gonna tich joo bau chep char." I mean yeah we were assholes (I already mentioned Cav Scouts,) but it was honest mystification. The dude, who noticed our faces, got enraged, accent got thicker: "Chep CHAR! CHEP Char! Joo dum mahvag wanna laugh? Joo ber learn dis! CHEP... Char..." [some dude from Kentucky:] "Chep... Char..." "At's righ. Rest o joo try it." Me and 100 other buzzhead goobs: "CHEP! CHAR!" "Awrigh gadammit esmore laikit, OK..." And thus continued our evolution into multi-talented assassins. Chep char.
  17. I feel sorry for the 2 or 3 guys this dude hung out with who didn't know he was ISIS.
  18. I figured out why stairs are hard now-- I've got a bucket of water inside each ankle unless I lie around with my feet up. Temporary steroid inconvenience. OTOH, I have some executive function back. For more than a year I felt fine, but had brain fog. Was able to react but not to plan. Now I am knocking out stuff that I could have done months ago. Then I get tired. But still doing twice as much stuff. Gonna get doped up a smidge heavy with insulin later for a party at my cousin's. He's a pastry chef at Continental Bakery next to Chez Lulu (visit both next time you're near Birmingham,) and I WILL have some pastry even if I have to pass out on the lawn.
  19. My wife always appreciates that I remember I got married.
  20. It's not either-or either. Companies can expand a profitable line while cutting back on one that's losing out. You can do all sorts of things.
  21. Too obvious a villain to make it into a movie script. Also, fucking REMF.
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