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Posts posted by BearSchlong
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I just realized that I quit littering and sobered up on the same day in 2011.Get rid of open container laws and littering would go way down. -
To be honest, I was using "purell" like some people say "kleenex" - a generic description. Not sure of the exact brand.
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Don't know why this came to mind but here goes: Years ago I used to sponsor a RN whose drink of choice was Purell hand sanitizer. He was somehow holding down a job at a dialysis facility, and to look at him you'd think he was the model of stability. He told me that he used to get half a cup of water, add Purell, stir, and drink his "homemade vodka." I guess you had to be there, but what struck me was the stark contrast between his freakish (even by alcoholic standards) oddball behavior and his seeming nonchalant normalcy. Like having a lunch time visit with a good buddy discussing items of little consequence who suddenly busts out with "looks like I'm coughing up blood again, I might want to get that looked at."
He was admitted to the hospital to get detoxed, yet his BAC inexplicably kept rising. . .until the nurses checked the hand sanitizer supply and figured it out.
Think I'll go home, cook dinner, do some laundry, play with the dog. . .you know, unless I'm coughing up too much blood.
No idea what happened to that guy. Maybe he's sober, maybe not.
In the end, I'm positive my ex wife can point to examples of equally insane behavior in my life from 2004-2010.
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@hundredTT "At what point does coughing up blood get to the point of major life threatening stuff?"
I pray that one day you can return to this thread and see, through sober eyes, the absolute insanity of your question.
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3 hours ago, Tylerocks said:
I just want to chime in here and thank each of you for sharing your stories and experiences here. I have no doubt they are helping you as well as those reading them.
While in school we had and assignment for a sociology or psych class to attend an AA or NA meeting and relay our experience. I wrote that I felt guilty being there and thought it was a bs assignment and on some level an invasion of privacy even though it was obviously anonymous. I feel the same way checking in on this thread "for entertainment purposes".
I admire your courage and wish you all well in your continuous battles.
Hook 'em
You're not being a voyeur by reading this thread, the internet is forever. I have written numerous posts and then hit the delete key because I thought them inappropriate for the general audience. One of my more uncomfortable conversations was with my father in law when he discovered a post that referred specifically to some of his work. At dinner one night he said "how's it going, BearSchlong" and my blood froze, until I realized that he loves to google himself.
@thestud we have to embrace rigorous honesty. . .I hate the news you received, but by now it's a cliche - alcoholics tend to leave innocent victims behind. Share that with your buddy and let him know that it could easily be him.
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I like the way this thread is heading. . .because it's a real thing, being out of town on business.
Over the years, business travel also meant the opportunity to find some excitement, usually lustful, in a different city and sometimes with fellow employees from various regional offices. I'm ashamed to report that I had a few affairs that started while on business travel. I always wanted to use alcohol as a springboard for naughty behavior. Ironically, the night of my car accident which caused my separation from alcohol began with my trying to ply a woman with steaks and expensive wine. She declined, I got drunk, woke up in the hospital, and a week later ended up in AA.
The main thing is that when I'm drinking, I'm unable to handle responsibility and challenges that normal people can easily take in stride. I'd go to training/conferences/conventions and when other coworkers would say things like "I'm gonna be up all night answering today's emails" my reaction was basically fuck that, we have time to drink before we have to stagger back into tomorrow's session. The concept that people would gather for a business purpose, to spread knowledge and ideas and cultural intelligence for a legitimate purpose was beyond my scope.
Thankfully things have changed.
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8 hours ago, Dertyberd said:
The most succinct way I've heard the change that takes place in recovery described is, "AA does for me gradually what alcohol did for me instantaneously".
I've never heard this, oh, hell, maybe I have, but I never REALLY heard it until you wrote it. Good shit.
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SRV for dinner, good place or overrated?
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SRV for dinner. Good place or overrated?
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2 hours ago, baboso said:
He's in Decatur. Cross referenced on the "Could you live in a small town thread."
well done. @hookem2010 it's uncool to keep us hanging. Or maybe you're in jail?
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@JohnnyRage you remember that rangers game you went to years back? I was with those guys this weekend, just like I am every last weekend in September. Made me think of you.
@Augustus I had breakfast with Sam W. this morning. Played golf with a guy named Chase from your old home group as well. And of course my man crush on David B. continues to grow.
Just attended the 59th annual Lakeside conference. My 9th. As usual it was an out of body spiritual renewal.
My great grand sponsor who died with 51 years sober attended his 51st consecutive. In an urn. . .a little weird but if you think about it that's a totally normal thing for an Al Anon to do with her alcoholic, right?
As always you are all cordially invited to 2020 edition. . .the 60th is gonna be awesome. Midland, Odessa, Brady, Dallas, Austin, Houston, Conroe, OK City, Beaumont, Rockport, Corpus, and we even have some Pacific Group AAs who have made it their home conference.
Don L. from Bellingham WA, give him a google. One of the best talks I've ever heard. I'm talking to you,@hundredTT-
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Could you imagine if[mention=2153]thestud[/mention]'s buddy and[mention=4327]hundredTT[/mention] had cancer? They'd be eagerly seeking treatment with the moral support of friends and family.
Alcoholism is a bitch!
[mention=4327]hundredTT[/mention] if you can get to Beaumont I'll pay for your first week at www.thehowcenter.org
That place just might save your life.
Come on over and let us love you until you can love yourself.
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The other day I was meditating on powerlessness and here's what that look likes for me.
I'm a small child, about 4 years old. I am playing in the kitchen with pots and pans and I discover something really dangerous on the floor. Maybe a gun, butcher knife, vial of cyanide, whatever, the point is that even in my 4 year old mind I know that it's something deadly. I also have enough snap to know that I am 100% unqualified to touch that item, that I need to find someone qualified. I go and get my father, who was my God when I was 4 and tell him hey I need you to pick this up and put it somewhere safe. He does, pats me on the head, and I go back to playing with the pots and pans.
I wasn't able to successfully string together days of sobriety until I was convinced that I was completely unqualified to handle booze. I'm not sure why I insist on the conception of being unqualified, but my sponsor and I have reached a consensus that because it works for me, that we'll use unqualified as a synonym for powerless. Also assuming that unqualified is a permanent state, that I can't ever become qualified. Symantecs.
Just another day turning it all over to God and refraining from trying to take it back.
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1 hour ago, El Diablo said:
Quick update to my existential meltdown last week. Poster on here got me in touch with a friend at a state agency who can help with low vision/blindness. That person got my info to a local state worker. Been taking Uber to work and co-worker giving me rides home. Employer sent me some ADA paperwork in case I need it for any equipment/accommodations at work. No booze, much gratitude.
Good to hear, friend.
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That's chilling.
My pride and ego will kill me. Best down and dirty explanation I've ever heard of the 1st step - "My brain would have killed my body long ago, except it needed it for transportation."
@hundredTT any updates?
This past weekend was daddy/daughter weekend for the sororities at Mizzou. I spent Friday night and all Saturday afternoon in college bars with my daughter and her friends and their dads, then Sunday on the Golf Course. Had a bunch of people push alcohol my way but I enjoyed my club soda (no mishaps!!) and calmly explained that I appreciate the gesture, but I'm one of those recovered alcoholics. And I had more fun than anyone at the Piano bar, singing and dancing.
I called my daughter on Monday and the first words out of her mouth were "Dad, I'm so glad you don't drink!!!" - seems as though some of the other dad's embarrassed their daughters. I know of one dad that passed out at a bar, another that got thrown out of the bar for fighting with the bartender. I watched my precious snowflake drink like a normal average temperate drinker. I'm so glad she doesn't drink like I did when I was in college. I've explained the phenomenon of craving to her and it's funny when she tries to identify friends that seem likely to have that particular reaction to alcohol.
I'm extremely grateful that my daughter does not have to explain to her friends that her daddy died in a wreck, or went to prison, or died from organ failure. . .
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@hundredTT god bless you buddy. . .
Time to let the merry go round that you're clinging on for dear life to just fling you off to land wherever you may - I got news for you buddy, if you just let go and call HR or a sober alcoholic and say the 3 hardest words in the English language. . ."I need help" - you will be amazed at the ensuing miracle.
I was like this fish. . .and when I quit flopping and accepted that if I stopped fighting then I would be returned to oxygen rich waters. . .if and only if I surrendered myself to God's will and stayed surrendered. . .then I was given a life worth living.
All anyone in your life wants is for you to be sober, safe, and sane. Period. You're not a fuck up, you're just a very sick man. You're just a human being, like the rest of us.
The happiest day in my life was when I had exactly enough money in my pocket to get a hamburger and enough gas to get to an AA meeting. Everything else was in God's hands.
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4 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:
Yeah, the foster kid route to adoption is not nearly as expensive as right out adopting a baby, but that's a whole different animal.
@NeverMarryAStripper adopted CPS kids? Bravo, sir. Don't they get free college education from a state school?
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SIAP, but did we ever come to a consensus as to the best radar website that doesn't take a subscription? I'll hang up and listen.
Just got word from my cousin that my aunt and uncle flooded. . .they did not flood during Harvey.
And everyone that did flood during Harvey that I know of flooded again.
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I'm supposed to fly to STL @ 5am tomorrow from HOU, currently all highways from BPT to HOU are closed by TXDOT. Very slight irritation compared to the fact that I"ve got multiple friends who are flooded out of their houses yet again.
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@MirrOlure I'm right there with you. I'm over near Delaware/Eastex Fwy.
This is crazy. My step BIL is on the board of DD6 and after Harvy he told me that if anything these gauges err on the side of understatement.
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@FarkimedesI'll bet that you pick it up way quicker than expected.
Experience takes experience. Though I've lauched/driven boats hundreds of times I am still very wary. Especially when I'm out there alone.
I've got a mental checklist that I always cycle through. Here are the highlights.
Trailer pulling - everything squared away for running in a 75Mph wind? Coolers/bait buckets weighted down or in the truck cab? Seats locked into place? tackle boxes in locked lockers? rods either put down or in the truck? (I always get nervous driving with rods in the rod rack) Is the boat stern strapped to the trailer? safety chains/trailer lights hooked up? Trailer ball locked into the socket? Motor tilted up enough to not drag on a driveway incline or boat ramp? I have no hesitation to pull over and check the boat/trailer if I sense that the slightest thing is awry.
Launching/retrieving - Is the plug in? straps/hook/safety hook unhooked? Be especially careful climbing around on the trailer tongue, especially if you're alone. I'm one of those monkeys who puts the tailgate down and jumps over from the dock and onto the trailer to winch up the boat without getting my feet wet. Boat ramps are slippery as hell. If launching alone, is mooring rope cleated to boat/cleated to truck bed?
Running - Depth? GPS? I'm constantly scanning for other boats and boat wakes/riptide standing waves. I try to keep to the same tracks that I know have no surprises, and when the wind is blowing I try to keep to the lee side of whatever body of water I'm transiting to minimize chop. Also, crew/work boats put out bow waves that are larger than one would expect, so slow down or steer accordingly. not to be captain obvious but it's usually shallower closer to shore. . .
Fishing - I usually tilt my motor all the way up for 2 reasons - shallow water and it minimizes drag on the trolling motor.
Don't forget to flush your motor with the hose and/or adapter. My Yamaha has a female recepticle for a garden hose.
OK now I've had a mental virtual fishing trip, so thanks for that. I didn't catch anything but I had redfish at Pappadeaux for lunch. . .
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On 9/17/2019 at 2:17 PM, Errestaurants said:
Much love and respect to you all. Probably the only thread that is real and shows some humanity on surly.
Question. Those that have struggled in the past or currently was it all types of Alcohol-meaning no matter if it was beer, wine or liquor you felt the want/need to drink? Or was it say wine but could easily pass up any other alcoholic beverage no matter the circumstances.
Thanks for the responses in advance.
For me personally, I never discriminated. My first choice was always Scotch Whisky, followed by beer and then wine.
1995-2011 I couldn't imagine prolonged abstinence. Something happened (ouch) and my perspective on the matter dramatically shifted because I became fearful of what would end up happening if I continued to drink with gusto. I'm in the camp that I never actually attempted to control or moderate my drinking, but completely stopped drinking because I knew controlled drinking would be a folly. I simply came from the factory without the appropriate governor, I'm either "on" or "off."
Once separated from alcohol I was faced with a whole new set of questions. Why was I uncomfortable in social environments without appropriate "pre-gaming" (half pint of vodka or 4-5 shower beers before even going out, anyone?) Why did I insist on "inspiring" my friends go hard every time we drank? Why did I continue to drink throughout the evening while everyone else either went home or passed out early. Why did I try to conceal my drinking? Why did I drink alone? Why was I dangerously antisocial on an increasing basis? Why did I get in my car and drive when I was barely conscious? Why did I neglect my wife and precious children, instead focusing on chemicals to change the way that I felt? Ad nauseum. . .
The answer became crystal clear - Oh shit, I'm alcoholic! Normal average temperate drinkers have ZERO PROBLEM not drinking! Imagine that! If it's available, great. If not, that's great too. Unfathomable!
Watching average people drink has become my spectator sport. Wife orders a beer, drinks half of it over the course of AN HOUR (??????WTF?????) and leaves it. Brother in law has 2 normal sized cocktails with dinner. I offer to drive our families home in case he wants a 3rd, he declines, says he doesn't want anymore. Going to winery/brewery tasting rooms with wife/family while on vacation - people actually try to taste the wine/beer and earnestly discuss it's characteristics with the server.
All that shit was just noise to me, I needed to scramble up the hill of inebriation and stay there as long as I could.
Hope that helps, @Errestaurants. My stepbro is VP of a large beer distributor and his entire professional and social life revolves around alcohol - but he most decidedly does NOT have the phenomenon of craving.
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Check your PMs Diablo. . .
I'm An Alcoholic
in Daily Texan
Posted
I can empathize. Man this just plain sucks. Been there, and I remember how that felt. Just awful. I couldn't imagine life with or without whisky.
May God's will be done in your life, @hundredTT, which could go either way.
You could have that mental "click" where your self preservation instinct kicks in and you decide it's not time to die.
You could simply disappear and we'll wonder if you're dead.
At the end, it was between me and my creator. I was beyond human aid. I had to make a decision. I had to take action.
I have to act my way into better thinking. And it all started by saying the 3 hardest words - "I need help"
Our hands are outstretched. it's perfectly permissible to grasp one of them.
You will be amazed at the kindness and humanity at your fingertips.