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YGIFS

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Everything posted by YGIFS

  1. I hope your forecast comes to fruition. But we are not killing time arguing otherwise. Some us are building up a tolerance for psychotropic drugs, absinthe soaked marshmallows for anal insertion, bathtub gin, crack, and huffing stain remover cans. This is part of our training. Somewhat related question---is it safe to eat your own gall-bladder? Asking for a friend. In exchange for 6 grams of blow on election night. I bet I could probably snort an entire bota box of pinot grigio.
  2. I mean two quick ones that jump out to me with "take it all in" 1. "I take it all in just like Stormy Daniels. Which is some small feat." 2. "I take it all in and then defecate it out just like VonShitzInPants"
  3. The EC margin could be 1 vote or 501, Trump is gonna contest it no matter what. There's probably a sweet spot in there where you don't have to worry about one state's leg/supreme court throwing out Biden's win. But no matter the outcome or type of loss, he continues the grift, incites violence, and pouts daily on social and cable media. They take the streets to shoot people celebrating his EC loss. And I develop an addiction to tequila/crystal meth soaked suppositories.
  4. Seriously dude, is there any dream you can't shit on? The word "collaborate" literally comes from the French term 'to assimilate' That means, they're gonna be ass-play-mates. Don't you have a Don Mattingly dildo to shove up your butt or something right now?
  5. Texas A&M: We're too smart to walk on our own grass and too dumb to not drive over it after heavy rains. How in the ever living fuck is this thing still considered "College"???
  6. I think it was 2018. I was down there by myself. Probably 41 or so at the time, could still rock it. But sat down way back from the Honda stage at dusk before heading over to watch McCartney close out the night. And "festival girl" and her friends roll up in front of me. And she was wearing a skimpy thong but a some kinda knitted fishnet dress over it (not sure the terminology of textiles). So I'm facing west looking at the Honda stage or maybe the big one next to it. And you know how with the right thigh gap, with the right underwear, they have that little dip of mystery, and between her 'cootch' (to use the above post's terminology). And the sun was perfectly setting between all of that and it look like a heart shaped emoji. It was like I saw right into the core of the galaxy. And I once canoed for 3 days in Northern Canada to see the Aurora Borealis on LSD. I think there was live music at both, but I can't be sure.
  7. I'll need a name, or a clip, and possibly a tissue. I remember years ago, before I even knew about this affair. I watched one of those HBO Real Sex episodes. And it was Katie Morgan (IIRC) and Stormy and they were giving like "behind the scenes" look into porn shoots. And it stuck with me that as ditzy as she seems, apparently Katie Morgan is mensa-level smart. And then Stormy was asked about her pre-scene prep. And she says she goes over her likes and dislikes with the guy before they shoot so nobody gets uncomfortable. Something about her touching her butthole, sensitive nipples, etc. But then I still remember her saying something about she says she doesn't condone any 'throat-fucking' because she has a sensitive gag reflex, that she'll control the pace of the oral sex. And then a famous man passes through her life who couldn't throat fuck a hummingbird with his mushroom dick and her "gag reflex" is now the subject of the most famous "gag order" in jurisprudence history. Just remember fellow Surly-ites. I'm stuck inside a box of madness we call reality. Judge all you want, but you're stuck in here with me...
  8. Well it's not gonna be exactly like last time, troph. And most of the male posters think they're Sam Malone in that they worry about their hair, regale us with the glory days of their athletic prowess, and claim to only bang 10's. Most of us are mashups of Norm, Cliff, Frasier, Woody, Carla, Coach, Diane, and Rebecca. Drunks, Know-it-Alls, Filled with Texas backwoods hick charm, Fairly well-educated, Scathingly insulting, Dense by Sweet, Delusional, and Insecure. In the end, we're that old guy at the end of the bar in the thick glasses just yelling at the clouds.
  9. While they are many subgroups of Jews, ethnically, religiously, and nationality-wise (I am an outlier myself, Sephardic Jew descended from Iberia after the Moorish expulsion). What most people think of when they think of a Jew (both ethnically and religiously) are Ashkenazi Jews who are spread out across many countries. But it's hard to count their numbers or singularize their commonalities, because apparently somebody awhile back killed almost all of them.
  10. I much prefer underbutt to sideboob. but perhaps underboob will make a surprise debut this season. I'm down to clown in undertown. To South Austin's point, it is weird at our age to go down there and feel so energized and pumped by the music. I pretty much stand the whole time (albeit very far back in the crowd) and kind of wander between sets and it feels great. Then I bike home and my back hurts for a week. I think 2021 or 22 was the last time I did all three days. Been just two days since then. I think this'll be the last year I even do that. Next year, girls will be old enough to bike down there with me so we'll just pick Saturday or Sunday and do that and head home before dark. Other than the dust bowl year, I've loved every day of it. Discovered so many new bands I still follow, saw so many legends-many of whom are sadly gone now. Saw so much hot ass, abused way too many substances with way too many weird musicians. If it wasn't so close to our home, I wouldn't bother dragging my old ass down there. But I still gotta push thru because one day I'll be the guy driving my teenagers down there so they can see some band that hasn't even been born yet and point to a cloud and say, "You know...I walked down here 35 years ago to see Los Lobos when this festival wasn't on anybody's radar. Now you get to pay to go watch a guy with a smartwatch play music for money. Be safe out there girls, I'll pick you up after my podiatry appointment."
  11. As much as I loved his music as a young person, turns out Paul Simon is a complete fucking asshole IRL. Joe seemed cool though. That Post story kinda reminds me of when my friend Kramer ran into DiMaggio at Dinky's Donuts years ago in the Upper West Side. Two interesting bits of trivia about Joe. He played 13 MLB seasons. Was away for military service for 3 other years. Many other players have made 13 all-star games, but played many more seasons than Joe. Played in the AS game every season he was in the Show. And from 1936-42 (seven games), played every single inning of the AS game. For all his post-season HR's, and all his Yankees' trips to the playoffs, Joe never hit one out in October in Yankee Stadium. For as memorable as he remains today in baseball lore, it took Joe until his 3rd ballot (even with allowances for three full missed seasons serving in the Armed Forces), to make the Baseball HoF. most fans would assume he was a first ballot guy...not the case. Much as I despise the Yankees, here's to you Joltin' Joe...
  12. She's as plain as the crown on Nick's nose? Her face? The crown's nose? Dammit, I had something for this. Well played, Beau TeenWolfT-Shirt/ "What are you looking at NickNose?"
  13. I don't know if I subconsciously said something one day to my oldest. But as a kid, one of my intellectual preoccupations was trying to figure out how certain waning signs/labels came to be? I didn't understand at that young age that most are the result of some codicil of a class action lawsuit to prevent future damages. But I would make up stories in my head about what had to have transpired to lead to that warning sign/notice. But a few days ago, we're walking through Lowe's and there was some sign about the forklift battery in the lawn section. And she just riffed on why somebody would want to touch a forklift battery with wet hands. And I thought of that Akryod sketch on SNL where he's selling toys, "Hey kid, be careful...broken glass!" And in one instant i was so proud of her inquisitive reasoning, remembering that sketch, and thinking back to my childhood tendency to figure out what led to signs like these. And I just cracked up and saw right into the center of creation. But turns out the fucking mulch as not the advertised sale price, dammit! Most people that order delivery just add the tip to the app/online order. It's a weird spot though because I like to give the young person a few bucks so they get to keep it to themselves. But there's still a tip field on the online order, and if I zero it out but am planning to give him cash when he brings the pizzas...they may feel like I'm a cheap jerk. I just order it for the girls on the app now and go pick it up since it's not far and they get a kick of me ringing the doorbell with a napkin over my arm like I'm a delivery guy. But yeah, for 50 years, you called, they came, you gave cash, and that was that. It's a whole other Rube Goldberg thing nowadays. Plus in honor of your name---when I tip in cash at the door...they give me extra parmesan cheese.
  14. somewhere in Florida, there's an 97yo retail copy editor who has long since gone senile in retirement. But he still pulls this out of a desk drawer and chucklingly remembers the day he snuck into the catalog...the dude's crotch, the woman's lips, and the word "suck" all on the same linear plane. I wish that man all the best on his flip to the other side of the page....
  15. Shit, I do one of those in a heartbeat...but $37 + S&H? That's a it steep. I'm already paying for one prank to Gov. Noem's office. There's gotta be a way to trick her dumbass staff into buying some from their budget or campaign staff to do the same. Say it means "Magnificent University of Georgia at Athens" or somesuch shit. Trust me, they'd fall for it. They return my most insane phone calls all the time with hard-vetted responses with no sense that I'm fucking with them. But they wouldn't buy them directly from that site, it'd have to be some kinda more-apolitical looking site. Hmmmm................
  16. Wait, so is Trump 'our' Tenzing Norgay or 'their' Tenzing Norgay? Also, a perfectly fitting tribute to Trump because of the courtroom setting, Trump being sold out by one of the lobby employees (not quite a Baron or Concierge) when he raw-dogged Stormy, but the chef's kiss. In the movie, the hotel he worked at was "The Red Pants Hotel" (he says it in French IIRC). And what do Trump's slacks look like at the end of the day. Pants of Red Shit. Coen Bros. ahead of us, once again.
  17. Looking like shit, Mikey! -Feeling like shit, Billy Ray!
  18. That's largely true, but I did it in January and was technically a Sophomore at that point by credit hours. YMMV. Anyway, while I still disagree with the message and some of the property issues...there is probably a whole other set of shit to unpack on this related to bad actors being sent in who have no business being on campus. And then as to above posts, you're gonna get some younger greek kids sent in by their older brothers to stir shit up mixed with booze and drugs. I mean, it's the stress of finals mixed with young (albeit smart) undeveloped brains and social media attention and live news crews and lots of heavily armed police over a heated, but very multi-faceted issue. What could possibly go wrong?
  19. German royalty protocol reminds you to refer to his son as, "the Barron VonShitzinpants." It's impossible we don't live inside a computer at this point.
  20. "Hey, Senator Cruz? I noticed you didn't pick a horse in your own contest. What a weird turn of events, huh? Well, thanks for having us to your BBQ. Although my hamburger tastes weird."
  21. So Peloton's screen is showing snuff films now? One of you lawdogs that has a subscription to those services that show you where/when a certain person is incarcerated or transferred. This one shouldn't be too tough.
  22. I always loved those, probably knew every one 'em at some point in my younger days. But they wrapped it beautifully in the finale. When Norm locks the door after everyone leaves. And he asks Sam (obviously referring to something else), "You know what I love, Sammy?" Malone, "Beer, Norm?" Norm, "Sure, I got time for another." it was timed and executed so perfectly. I guess Surly is like Cheers in that respect. Buncha drunken know-it-all, sarcastic assholes, salty women, backwater dumb asses, shitty takes, and sports loyalty to a fault. but in end, it's funny and it's got heart.
  23. Fair point, but in this day and age---there should be a quick response vehicle at every station/sub-station that has higher-powered weaponry, vests, helmets, flash-bangs, etc. with which to respond quickly to an active shooter event. They obviously have it because it's all over campus right now. I can't remember the movie, but the quote was basically, "You keep building and buying new toys, then every so often...you gotta show 'em off."
  24. It was 14 months old, that makes it about 8 in human years, so maybe not a puppy. the paragraphs in the book never mention that it was attacking her children. She talks about making tough choices. Would that include having an all anal affair outside your marriage Governor, or? (asking for a friend). And she keeps mentioning it was a "working dog." But never says why they got it or what it worked at besides eating bullets. Fox Terriers are technically bred to be "working dogs", but she never, ever talks about what it was supposed to be doing while apparently it was busy serial killing chickens and eating her children. Half a dozen vets in the area because of all the livestock and ranches. She probably knew and trusted most of them. Just tie the dog''s leash to a seatbelt, drive it over there, and have 'em put it to sleep. Certainly easier than finding an active gravel pit excavation, no? Well, our barkbox should be arriving at her office on Monday.
  25. Dammit, I was gonna post the same thing but didn't scroll down enough. If somebody here with digital skills can take that Seinfeld clip scene at Festivus Dinner. Where Elaine sits down and asks the OTB guys, "Hey, how'd my horse do?" And then put Ted Cruz's face on the creepy dude in the leisure suit who says, "He had to be shot." I promise I can get that his Chief of Staff via email.
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