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Posted

I wasn't sure where to post this as it's more a philosophical topic than anything else.  Have you ever accepted charity and were you unsure how to feel about it?

The weather turned cold here in DFW this week and we had to bundle up my son (11 yo) on his way to school.  Earlier in the semester there was an event at his elementary where Operation Warm came out and gave winter coats to every single kid in the school.  We are a Title 1 elementary with a high proportion of low income students who receive free or reduced lunches, so we're definitely the type of school that a non-profit like this would engage with.  So, back in September my son came home with this new winter coat.  It was pretty plain, orange and gray with a hood.  Nothing fancy and no branding on it.  They had written his name in it.

When I first saw the coat, I thought it was nice of this non-profit to give it to us but our family is in a solid financial position and we don't need charity.  I thought we'd pass along the coat to Goodwill or some other organization that could get it to someone who needs it.  Then I thought about the practical side of it.  My kid's growing so fast at this age (1.5 shoe sizes in 6 months!), I'm not even sure his current coat still fits.  We probably actually need to get him a new one.  Then, I'm a bit ashamed to admit, I had a prideful moment.  Do I really want to send my kid out in a pity coat that was given away in some corporate sponsored community service event?  What an asshole I am.

Then it hit me.  There are kids at this school who wouldn't have a winter coat this year if it weren't for this event.  Our district has a policy of cancelling school when it gets cold just because there are so many kids for whom it would be dangerous to wait for the bus without winter clothes.  I knew this already, but I had never thought too much about how that connects to my family.  What message would I and my son be sending if we passed this gift coat along to Goodwill and bought ourselves a new one that was a little nicer and probably came with a logo on it?  We think we're too good for this coat?  We deserve something better?  When the first cold front blows in, my son's classmate will wear the only coat he has and my kid will have discarded that gift in favor or something nicer.  How is that classmate going to feel?  I realized that accepting the coat wasn't just about what I or my son needed and wanted.  Our decision could impact the culture of our school and the community around us.  We had the opportunity, in an admittedly small way, to avoid creating division among students and, hopefully, to make one or two kids feel a little more welcome and less self-conscious.

So, I asked my son, "Do you like the coat?  You like the color?  You like the hood?"  Yeah, of course he did, he had no reason not to.  He wore the coat this week.  It looked good on him.  I wondered if there might be a couple dipshits in his class that tease him about it.  I was prepared for him to come home upset at being teased and to have a teaching moment about gratitude and what's really important in life.  Doesn't seem like that was necessary, as I haven't heard any reports of teasing.  I picked my son up from school yesterday and saw quite a few kids in similar Operation Warm coats. Certainly not all the kids, but many.

It was a learning moment for me to realize that in accepting charity, even when I don't need it, I'm giving a gift back out to others.  I hope my son will recognize that lesson in time.

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Posted

donate his old coats and shoes to the school

and explain to him, if he sees a kid with his old stuff it's no big deal and such 

 

my entire dating and sex life is based on the concept of charity, does that count ?

Posted (edited)
On 12/3/2025 at 6:06 PM, Gil Bang said:

the local schools here do free lunch for all students.  I think it's a great idea.  Get rid of the stigma, and the accounting. 

My parents were quite poor so I received free lunch growing up, but I was friends with all the rich kids. Twice a year or so they had to send out some letter giving us information (or maybe requesting information) about the program. The letters went out to every kid at the same time and were delivered in classrooms, so once one kid in the class opened the letter, everyone knew who the poor kids were. I always thought there had to be a better way to do that.

Edited by KYHorn
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Posted

I mean I like your thought process but probably over thinking it a little bit. If you returned the coat to the school/organization could someone who needed it benefit from it? If so quietly return the coat and go buy your kid a coat from Kohl's or Goodwill. If not, or it's too late or whatever, keep it until he outgrows it and donate it to a similar organization. 

Posted

I have in the past donated where possible.  Had a good month during hail season a few years back & a single Mom with 2 kids (one a solidly autistic teen boy) was asking if anyone had received the junk mail coopin for a "buy 1 / get one 50% off" haircut from Great Clips (she thinks the one she got had been tossed into recycling & lost).  Her ex husband wouldn't contribute because in his mind, "I already give you enough $ in child support".

I met her @ the parking lot here in Drip (across from H.E.B. & in addition to the coupon, I gave her $ 250 cash & said she should get the kids some Schlotky's or TCBY next door & maybe pay a bill or 2.

Now here I am having the wreck last year & income has trickled... I have benefitted GREATLY from the largesse of the Surly community & others & that has kept us afloat in our time of need.

We visit the food bank(s) here in Drip & every time we go, my wife feels like it's a pride swallowing event (we were there just today after my 2nd round of retinopathy (eye) injections.

I remind her that we should feel extremely appreciative these resources are available here instead of needing to go 1 hour away into Austin.

In specific answer to your question, YES.  & In so many ways, it is a life & mentally / emotionally changing event.

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