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Scheiss Meister

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Scheiss Meister

  1. My wife and I were visiting our daughter (no pics of either one, assholes) in Eugene and drove over to Florence for a day. That park is nice, but two things should be noted here: 1) It isn't at the site of the explosion, but about a half mile away across the dunes and the Siuslaw River, and 2) It's next door to the Florence wastewater treatment plant. There were no odors from the plant, but some from the rotting vegetation and sea life along the river. I think that the smiling whale on the sign is a nice, whimsical touch.
  2. Doomlet didn't fall far from the tree, I see.
  3. I believe that it was Lily Tomlin who observed that if you talk to God, that's praying, but if God talks to you, that's schizophrenia.
  4. I guess that's why it's called tissue.
  5. I apparently just start to bleed spontaneously now. My wife just asked me what I did to my arm and points out a small trickle of dried blood. It's obviously been dry for some time, but damned if I know what I did to open up the small laceration from which it proceeds. I don't remember any bumps or scrapes.
  6. Mix 1/3 cup of brown sugar, two tablespoons of balsamic vinegar, two tablespoons of soy sauce, one teaspoon of minced garlic, 1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes, and 1/2 teaspoon of paprika in a bowl. On pork, it's a delicious glaze. Knock the bowl off of the counter and it becomes very fragrant glue. Son of a bitch, what a mess.
  7. I used to work with a gal who had that and plushes of E. coli, Salmonella, and an amoeba for tours of our wastewater plant. They were a huge hit with kids.
  8. Hang in there, brother. Find an aggy coworker and brighten his day with reminders of how great the weekend was. It will help you over the hump.
  9. A troglodyte, a nazi, and the Creature From The Black Lagoon walk into a bar...
  10. That looks like something from a Monty Python skit, with a dummy flying through the air.
  11. I hope she kicks cancer's ass and Texas kicks Oklahoma State's.
  12. Yesterday's Mexican food doesn't prairie dog, and it doesn't wait.
  13. I think that most of the buildings in College Station were designed by Frank Lloyd Wrong. I'll see myself out, now.
  14. Is India saying that it was all an elaborate Kahn, perpetrated to make them look bad?
  15. If an oubliette is so horrible, how awful must a full sized oubli be? You left out hung. It's hung, drawn, and quartered, just like in Braveheart. Sometimes the victim was hung until unconscious two or three times before being moved to the rack.
  16. She's the one who was always paired with Fred, leaving Wilma to her own devices while Shaggy and Scooby toked up. I figured that she was a freak.
  17. Good old daphnia. If you run a wastewater plant, similar species are used to test the potential lethality of your effluent. A kid's disappointment when they won't reproduce or they die off is nothing compared to a wastewater operator's disappointment in the same situation.
  18. Those that can, do. Those that can't, teach. Those that can't and can't teach, bitch. It's the way of the world.
  19. I always assumed that the machine was a printer. The things you learn... My wife and I spent Thanksgiving with our son and daughter-in-law. We see eye to eye on politics and most everything else, so it was a nice, pleasant weekend. My side of the family has its Christmas get-together in two weeks. That has much more potential for conflict, but we usually leave the politics behind and just concentrate on loving each other, so I think that it will be unrealized potential. I hope so, anyway.
  20. Every year my wife asks me to read this aloud to kick off our Christmas season. The Reading happened tonight. This week I'll put up the lights and the yard display, then move inside to make it look like Christmas vomited all over the living room and den. Happy Holidays you glorious bastards.
  21. Hiring Elko is a splash: a cannonball into the kiddie pool splash, but that's technically still a splash.
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