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Tired Horn

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Everything posted by Tired Horn

  1. They're cleaning up in the portal. Cleaning up, I tells ya. Sark is green with envy over the roster Elko is assembling. The sleeping giant has awakened. Blah, blah, woof, woof...
  2. Nope. Now the story is that they've been soooo young compared to everybody else. Christ, they've practically been starting 12-year-olds. Enough of that traditional roster management and high school recruiting shit. The transfer portal will now allow them, and them alone, to field a team of grown-ass men of proven production who also (of course) WANT TO BE HONEST TO GOD TEXAS A&M FUCKING IMBECILE AGGIES! The sky is the limit. Just call them The Elko Boys.
  3. The hardcore Aggies are certain they're dominating the portal because of TAMU's status as an elite program, perhaps THE elite program, and that their roster's talent has skyrocketed to national title contender levels overnight. Elko is the man with the plan, and by God the view from that ascending roller coaster is spectacular. TU can only wish they had a roster half as great as the one Elko is assembling. Did you even need to ask?
  4. That seems unfair to Scooby Doo. It's a workman-like little cartoon that knows it's not great, but still shows up every day, punches the clock, and always gives its best effort. It has no delusions about its place in the world, understands it's an 8-4 cartoon on its good days, but strives to be the best 8-4 cartoon it can be without continually whining that the other cartoons are conspiring to deny its rightful glory. Scooby Doo is the polar opposite of fucking Aggie.
  5. Probably offered him a year's supply of Scooby snacks.
  6. And quite the juggernauts those two receivers are.
  7. I just want them to have guys who want to be Aggies, too. Load up on that braindead shit, you delusional, 100-year-decision circus freaks.
  8. I would love to see that. It would be one of the most Aggiesque things ever.
  9. Aaron Rodgers is going to turn into a full-fledged nut case once he retires from football.
  10. Yeah, just assume he is gone unless and until he actually says different.
  11. Pretty much. We just wasted the third quarter.
  12. Need a stop here, or this is going to get out of hand.
  13. If we can just be a little more consistent in the passing game and cut the stupid penalties, we'll be all right.
  14. It would only be as dumb as tu if we spelled it "M&A T" or "Eigga." And not to be harsh, but who gives a fuck if it's spelled "Aggie" or ''Aggy." It's a stupid word to describe a cult. It's not worth the simple respect of even wondering how to spell it correctly.
  15. I think you can stop calling them "undefeated. Probably a safe bet.
  16. Actually, you could generify that to "A&M''s ______ room in _______ is arguably the best in the country." Aggie's will bite on anything, cuz they know it's only a lack of exactly the right coach that has kept their sleeping giant from dominating college football for the last 83 years. That and some unfathomably evil burnt orange conspiracy that we're all proud to have been a part of.
  17. That would be an empty HALL OF CHAMPIONS, right?
  18. Congratulations. 10 wins is nothing to sneeze at. And you are a better program than Aggie. Now, please prove in the future that the new Big 12 doesn't actually run through Lubbock (Mcguire at his Aggiesque best). Nothing runs through Lubbock.
  19. But didn't you see that fabulous moral victory? They went toe-to-toe with the titan that is Oklahoma State and outscored them in the second half. And they've found their next savior quarterback, who's so much better than that gimpy, what's-his-name Weigman. A&M football is a program with a glorious future and always will be. WHOOP!
  20. "...the glory at A&M is like no other..." Again, these chuckle fucks simply defy satire. That quote belongs at the entrance to the very font of glory, their delusional and drafty (from all that empty space) Hall of Champions. "There is no better defensive coach than coach Elko." Jeepers, this shit again! Hire: 'We love Coach X. There is no one greater than Coach X." Fire: "We hate Coach X. He has failed the greatest fan base in the world." Hire: 'We love Coach Y. There is no one greater than Coach Y." Rinse and repeat. "Then, Texas A&M will take care of you after the NFL." Seriously? I would hope Shemar has goals a little loftier than that.
  21. So, anyone else think that if they happen to win that another amazing tale of Aggie heroism will join the roster of turdition. The Fearless Fifty-Five! They Conquered the Fuck-Nuts Texas Bowl!
  22. Pressure hull failures at depth are violent. Of course, simple drowning is no fun, either. Submariners used to joke that surface ships are always at crush depth. Surface sailors would joke back that at least they had lifeboats.
  23. I was a navy nuke officer out of NROTC from Texas (yeah, did marching and rifle drill in Memorial Stadium once a week back when it was primitive artificial turf---we marched in to the sound of Patton's theme from the movie). But I don't recall avoiding the majority of the navy's bullshit, which is a good thing. Lots of dark humor in that bullshit. Actually, not a bad career move, either. After six years in the navy, got myself a consulting job that opened a lot of doors. Have ended up winding my career down with a nice paycheck in a nice area where more than 50% of my work is remote, which suits my medical condition just fine. I'm glad I didn't spend more than six years in uniform, but I wouldn't undo it either.
  24. Yep. They really think their football players are motivated by intense love for their cult. So, of course Walter Nolen would want to shape the entire rest of his life around Aggy identity fetishes. Here in the real world, we know players choose their college based on a lot of different factors, many of which vary drastically from that of the typical student. The most you can typically hope for is that they turn into good players who feel basically positive about their development, their coaches, and their teammates. I don't expect Texas players to either love the university with all their hearts or sacrifice what they perceive as their own self-interest to it.
  25. What are the sharks for? "The Elko Grind..." Aggies really are beyond satire. Yeah, take 'em down to Junction, you fucking weirdos. That's the ticket.
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