This might be the right board for this topic. The WSJ had this article:
More American couples are coming together with children from prior relationships. It often goes well until it comes time to read the will.
https://www.wsj.com/personal-finance/blended-family-estate-planning-352a9788?st=xxgDk9&reflink=share_mobilewebshare
It really is worth reading the comments, to see how many stories of blended families sundered by an estate going wholly to one side of a family.
Over ten years ago, my wife came home from the neighborhood ladies get together and told me three stories of neighborhood widowers that remarried, and left their estate to their new wife (and eventually, her children) and not the widowers’ children. I laughed and asked if she was trying to tell me something. “Yes, you can’t do that to (our daughter)”!
it’s an interesting topic. I saw it in my family’s older generation. My great uncle Curtis had been married to my great Aunt Belle for almost 50 years. They had worked and sacrificed together to build a business. They had no children and doted on my aunts and uncles. Aunt Belle died and in short order, a lonely Uncle Curtis remarried. They were married for about five years when he died, she inherited and had nothing more to do with the family. Clearly, that’s Uncle Curtis’ decision to make (although Aunt Belle would have been truly pissed off had she known). I’m sure his second wife would say that she cared for him in his illness (true) and he would have wanted her cared for (also true).
You can see how this happens, again and again. A marriage is broken, by death or divorce. Ex spouses remarry. They plan their estates in good faith, intending to distribute among step siblings. One dies, and the survivor’s step children just don’t come around as much, if at all (their other parent might be a higher priority, or maybe they just don’t feel as welcome). Meanwhile, the surviving spouse’s children are full and active members of their life,perhaps actively caring for them. Over time, the surviving spouse convinces themself that they can revisit the estate plan and make sure it goes to those that they know really need (and deserve) it (their children). Fact of life: no one will ever screw you over like someone that is convinced they’re doing the right thing.
Moral? Get that shit planned and written down, locked down as much as the law will let you.
I do wonder- these late-in-life second marriages,…how many would still happen if the spouse with savings had their estate willed to a trust and let the new paramour know that the will would not be revised or replaced?