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Gatorubet

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Gatorubet

  1. When I was first dating my ex-wife, when I woke up one morning I found an earring next to my pillow, and, gentleman that I am, I handed it to her when she woke up. She then informed me that that was NOT her earring. I replied, “OMG…. That must’ve been that Mormon girl I had up here. She shook her head “no!” violently and then stormed out of the house….” She told me…. much much later….that my quick reply tickled her. But then, there’s that weird thing where women like you more if they think that other women want you. It’s not you, it’s just her showing the competition that she would win.
  2. Jesus was deported.
  3. I had an elbow bursa flare up and fill with fluid. I did not see a doctor about it, but waited about nine months and it finally went away. I guess as we get older, anytime something looks out of the ordinary we should go see a doc.
  4. I tried to die several times before I was 24. Not intentionally. Something kicked in about age 25 that I stopped doing the most egregiously stupid and potentially fatal stuff. I absolutely buy into that theory that a teenager’s brain does not have adult reasoning power until much later in life.
  5. “I shall not seek, and will not accept a position on the staff… …but I will suggest that players put their hands up and get close to the person about to shoot a three. “ All I got.
  6. you could hear his best friend as he lost altitude…
  7. Alternative: when it is time to have an unwanted amputation, arrange to have a famished ferret start eating that arm. Eventually, you will wind up begging them to take the arm off - or at least remove the not-so famished ferret. Remember, J.D. still means “Doctor”.
  8. I’m not trying to be a dick, but how long did it take before you had a giant lump? Did you wake up in morning and go damn! - or did it grow over time?
  9. when I first moved down to Louisiana to work at the nuclear power plant, one of my colleagues was a hippie engineer who decided he needed to have an ultralight plane. We had a crawfish boil out in a field and he flew that thing and landed about 50 yards from us. The wind started picking up after an hour or two, and you know he was drinking a lot of Abita beer while eating mud bugs that were, as my Cajun friends said, “well seasoned”. We told him that he needed to leave the plane here, or one of us would get a trailer and move it to his house. But he insisted on flying at home. He apparently made it about 500 yards until a downdraft pushed a wing too close to a beautiful oak tree, which led to an instant gravity attack. He always smoked a lot of dope, but I guarantee you he smoked more after his double lumbar fusion and repaired tibia. There is no force of nature that will get me on one of those things.
  10. That sounds really stupid and ineffective. Can’t we just all pray and ask baby Jesus to take away the virus?
  11. Good luck finding the right Hallmark Card too.
  12. Oddly, playing Arma-3 did not help.
  13. I have to think that if he had placed the mouthpiece at the goat’s groin, he could’ve charged more and an Aggy would’ve purchased it.
  14. I’m more worried about all of the Intel from our allies that they will no longer give us because they know dip shit will give it to Putin. That definitely makes America weaker and more vulnerable to her foes. And since we shit on our allies and tell them we will cast them adrift unless they do the whims of the petulant orange toddler, when China finally goes for Formosa and we ask for NATO’s help - they’re all gonna say, “new phone who dis?”
  15. Now that you mentioned it, I love me some scotch bonnets
  16. Aw nah, maybe I should call it a green hut. Mine’s not that big, like 12’ long. Truthfully, I should’ve bought one bigger, but I’ve never been much of a gardener and I wanted to dip my toe first. Just gonna grow some baby carrots and small potatoes and squash and tomatoes - and some lettuce. And one pot plant. Yup. One of the aluminum pieces did get bent in shipping, but the magic of a blow torch and vice grip got it serviceable. The fact that you decided to build a second one gives me some hope. lol
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