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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. It wasn't a check, but when my credit card got hacked, UFCU called the Austin cops while I sat there in the office. Didn't matter where the actual fraud occurred. Once we had a police report on file, they did all the other stuff. But it was UFCU, who suck wayyyy less than any bank I ever had.
  2. Vinny Gambini got away with it.
  3. We had a teenage babysitter who called us shitass all the time. Of course we picked it up and used it frequently. Mom flipped her lid hearing it come from her babies so it became Automatic Spanking territory. Me and my middle sister clued in and clammed up, but baby sister couldn't hold it in. Shitass, shitass, shitass.
  4. Well you've figured it out, haven't you you little hoe?
  5. Confiscated it from an alleged drug-dealing owner? Can't always be a Camaro.
  6. When banging guys they think are billionaires? I could see them forgetting.
  7. No need to vorry. All are from Cyprus moy druk. Maybe ve help you too, enough so you don't vorry so much.
  8. I rested all my hopes on your being a ham operator able to bang out morse code and warn the team bus about the washed out bridge when all other methods were down.
  9. No. All they had to pick from were scowling East Texas Box Facers draped in camo tarps. Or maybe those were jackets. For the purposes of this banter, East Texas is understood to extend to the Atlantic.
  10. There was a time when my wife, an occasional marathoner, felt down about her weight. I took her to a Bass Pro Shop.
  11. I like to think that there is a semi-liquid poop pool down at the asshole, so that farts percolate up through it like pot smoke through bong water, except maybe with different effects.
  12. We may dislike MTG now, but on some future day when she scoops up a baby from a flooded river and climbs to safety in a tree using only one arm and her toe-thumbs, then we will realize how lucky we are to have her.
  13. I'm waiting for Stormy to describe that her "sexual encounter" was wallowing around on top of Trump for 30 minutes in a vain attempt to get him hard.
  14. Even if they don't result in convictions, this trial and others work as wonderful suppressive fire on Trump. For the uninitiated, that'd be something like a burst of machinegun fire on the general area of the enemy, where even if its unlikely to hit anything, it makes it harder for them to do anything back to you, and leaves you able to move easier. die mothafucka die.
  15. Former Seal sporting a Black Watch waistcoat? He's one claymore away from splitting Gaetz'z brain-pan.
  16. Sounds like a missed opportunity to make the teen mom a teen mom again and then get eighteen years of child support garnished from your checks, Though yes, you shoulda woulda coulda rolled the dice.
  17. He's been holding it in so long there's no telling how much will spurt out.
  18. Do you remembah when little Timmy had leg braces? New Hampshah remembahs. Or maybe they don't.
  19. Well, she's not. She's the ventriloquist dummy. Whoever's got their hand up her butt is making her say that. Left alone, she'd be sharing Q themes on FB and yelling at a clerk.
  20. OK, say your name is La Tourniere or some shit, and you're tired of spelling it for people. What's wrong with just "Turner?" It's not like La Turner is going to France and people say, HAwN HAWN HAWN, look 'ow 'e kept ze LA, mozzerfuck we loves zat fellow French bastard!" Keep La Tourniere, or go full Turner, you wishy-washy chipmunk. Prolly fixin to quit, aren't you?
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