A'ight, SITREP as of now. Everything is bolted shut, I'll get my money back before long.
Credit Union called me up, knew where their CU was located and knew how to say the funny street name, and walked me through the account-unfucking process. Then I called the cops to make a police report, and the desk person said she'd send one to my house.
Immediate panic as I jumped up and got dressed, then 5 minutes later I met the dude outside in my driveway.
No prob, he gets these reports every day. I walk him back down to the street. Neighbors come outside all bug-eyed, I slap my wrists together behind my back and yell "Call my lawyer! CALL MY LAWYER" while Cop cackles.
Next stop hit the library to use their printer for the Affidavit of Forgery, because yeah, I could spend 90 dollars on ink cartridges for my home printer, or I could drive to the library. A librarian I know is also a notary. As she stands next to me I realize that I threw on clothes I'd worn to two shows this weekend in 90+ heat, and I am currently emitting a wino stress-sweat all up over her. Thanks, Scammers.
Anyway, now I attached photos of everything and sent it to the credit union, basically swearing that I didn't steal my own money so I can get it back.
I feel like I haven't slept right for days. And now my wife sends me a checklist of more stuff to secure. She's probably right. I am tired as hell.