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Homercles

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Homercles

  1. I’m hesitant to post much in this thread, because I have been able to self-moderate after being in the dark for a few years…with the caveat that I remain cognizant of my past and maintain a ‘therefore by the grace of god I go’ vigilance even if the ‘keep going’ voice has pretty much been silenced. But your story roughly aligns with mine. You can PM me for details or just to talk, but after the birth of our second and while I was in grad school, I self-medicated with alcohol as a means to either numb myself from the stress of home life or ‘time travel’ to the next day. It steadily got worse to the tune of lying/hiding it, and the threat of real consequences by my wife with ‘next time you’re spending the night somewhere else’. I suggest you don’t let it get to that point. Three things helped me: 1) I started therapy. I thought I’d go in talking about my drinking, but in reality we covered my anxiety / resentment + had an advocate that helped me understand when my wife was being unreasonable (not with the drinking of course, but expecting everything to go according to her plans in life). He helped me learn my root cause wasn’t alcohol necessarily, but my codep / people-pleaser tendencies. 2) I took a long (7 weeks) break, telling myself and my wife that if I couldn’t handle that or I became a ‘dry drunk’…next step was AA. Full stop. 3) I leaned on this community. Cannot stress how helpful it was to hear from Twice ‘I can’t diagnose, but you don’t necessarily strike me as an alcoholic right now’ + keep reading people’s stories here. Huge shoutout to Twice’s time and patience as I hounded him in PMs. The long break helped me kill my tolerance, and find natural ways to address boredom/stress/anger (like banging my suddenly-happier wife). During that time I was able to really internalize WHY I drank the way I did with my therapist. And having someone who REALLY understood alcoholism (my therapist didn’t drink) was the final leg on that stool…for me. ‘For me’ is the key phrase. I still drink 2-3x a month, but I prefer to have a couple beers over 3ish hours then pop a small THC gummy (wife and I did exactly that last night)…so I may not be the best person to post here or help you, if your struggle is different. I mostly avoid liquor, I always drink a lot of water, try to make sure I eat…because I’ve learned what works for me. Thursday night a close friend went from buzzed to ‘about to throw up in front of a family at The Crossover’. He was so bad I didn’t trust him alone in an Uber. I ended up driving him in his work truck back to central Austin, ubering back to my car in Leander then driving home. It was a late night but I was glad to help a friend and grateful that kinda scene is behind me. Talking with him about it the next day and his current struggles was strangely helpful to me as well, AA sponsor system makes a ton of sense to me. So please pardon the huge novel…but your particular story struck a chord with me, and a few years ago it was helpful to read others stories…so if you made it this far and want a (therefore by the grace of…) moderation success story, PM me.
  2. There’s a great chapter in The Stand that covers the second wave of people dying…those that are immune to Captain Trips but struggle without technology, law and order, etc. One guy electrocutes himself hooking up a generator, another has a gun explode in his face, a dude overdoses on pure smack, etc One chick is legit happy her family is dead, outside her baby brother, all painted as ‘no big loss’ as told from 1st person…no empathy, angry, etc. Well she dies in the second wave by locking herself, with her dead family, in the walk-in by accident. No big loss. That book is longer than a YGIFS essay about brevity, but there are some chapters/storylines that have stuck with me since I first read it in the 90’s.
  3. Not surprised, he has a commanding presence…even way back when those prep school boys used to pee themselves when they say old Bunk coming at em Edit: Speaking of The Wire alum, even if the show was good but uneven, seeing Downtown Clay Davis in Your Honor was a highlight
  4. Agreed. It’s not just the right thing to do, EVERYONE does better when momma is happy
  5. Damn y’all talking about 25 years from now, knocking back a glass of single malt. I’d guess a practical thing for a newborn/youngin = no baby was ever harmed by crying alone for a few minutes. That doesn’t just got for Ferber-style sleep training. I’m not ashamed to say there had been times when I was exhausted, desperate for peace and my mind was an MC Escher painting = calmly put baby in the crib, go outside away from the crying, and find some functioning brain cells to rub together. Then go back inside to address the problem. I was reading Band of Brothers at the time, and there’s a passage about ‘even being 50 yards away from the front line can rejuvenate a weary solder’. Not equating warfare to a newborn, but it really stuck with me. PS: For the love of everything that matters…find yourself a system wherein you don’t leave your kid in the car. You’ve got a summer baby and you’re not used to toting Jr around…throw your keys in the back seat (if a wireless fob), put a sticky note on the dash, whatever works for you. My kids are 6/9 and I still have nightmares.
  6. Good luck dude. As you see here, everyone will have an opinion…but honestly I spent the first year trying not to accidentally kill them, the second year trying to ensure they didn’t kill themselves, then at 3 I was back to trying not to kill them. You’ll be fine…though I will fully agree that sleep training in their own bed is critical. Want to have sex again someday? Keep the kid out of your bed. A mistake I made with my first kid was getting caught up in “I can’t wait till…”. Can’t wait until they can sleep all night, or feed themselves, or walk, or get out diapers, etc. All with the goal of ‘getting back to normal’. There is no going back. Embrace your new normal while trying to take it all in occasionally…that grouchy, half-asleep, 3am exhausted feeding watching reruns of Mythbusters will become a core memory. As my pediatrician said when my son was 3 days old: “long days and short years” PS: Watch out for PPD in your wife/partner, be an involved husband/father, and let any intense relationship shit roll off your back the first 6-12 months.
  7. I would have paid a small fortune to listen to MAC and RDC…well…just shoot the gotdamn breeze, if I’m being honest. This place attracts characters, and it’s like my favorite corner of the internet becomes a little darker when one passes on. I wasn’t as familiar with MAC as many of you were, so my words ring pretty hollow…but guys like him are the Machi Cure at Uchi in an otherwise soulless landscape of flash-frozen, microwaved fish sticks that goes for storytelling in the Tik Tok age. Glad his legacy will live on through his long form. “There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die” - HST
  8. All the pieces matter
  9. What…no love for Liquid Television?
  10. I’ve always been in the Simpler Is Better camp, so no as a Poke I wasn’t that wild about the bandana thing…especially as it wasn’t that visible. I like the new threads though. Hard to compete with y’all’s white on white though
  11. Fuck RHCP.
  12. This…Tiger King anyone?
  13. …patiently awaiting retort about how criminals aren’t going to do that, so we shouldn’t bother doing anything except ‘enforce existing laws’
  14. Yeah that’s the last time I post shit my wife sends me
  15. Don’t look at Next Door. The only reason I still get alert emails is the comic factor but occasionally there’s the “I’m worried about someone walking through the neighborhood and I’m going to great lengths to describe their appearance without mentioning skin color until the actual black/brown person, who lives there, responds that they were exercising.”
  16. Supposed lineup. Love me some ODESZA, The 1975 is my guilty pop pleasure (Menswear is a masterpiece), always wanted to see Explosions In the Sky. As always I don’t know hardly any of the first few rows, but always enjoy the undercards.
  17. Yes but I didn’t know what RWDS meant until yesterday. I certainly know the SS
  18. So when I posted about RWDS getting added to the list…I didn’t know he literally had fucking SS tat on his arm. WTF
  19. For the weather dude…why the fuck even have a doorbell if it’s going to be answered packing a gun? Wtf
  20. If I got my kids in the car, it’s 100% I’m out of there. Solo, probably 80% chance. No way I’m judging anyone for fleeing in that situation. Always think back to ROT in 2019 at the Expo. We were in our usual RV spot about 11p watching the constant ‘parade’ of drunks navigate the S-turn in front of us when a golf cart with two women standing in the back flips over. One woman in particular hits her head so hard I can hear it over the constant roar. Not gonna YGIFS this, so short version is only myself and one other ran up to help…everyone else (dozens) watched. Pointing directly at a person and telling them to call 911, as you’re taught, they just stared. Had to pull out my own phone and do it myself while trying to see if she was breathing. I was amazed at the bystander effect. Everyone reacts differently, self preservation kicks in.
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