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  • Why Texas Stomps a Mudhole In LSU's Ass


    closetojumping

     

    One of the great things about being a Texas fan is that the football team plays at least 10 P5 teams each year. I heard some SEC honk on XM 84 mention recently that Georgia is really showing the world who’s the balls by playing an amazing 10 P5 games this year.

    “Wow. I’m sexually aroused, Commander.”

    You know who else plays 10 P5 games this year? Every fucking Pac 12, Big 10, and Big 12 team in existence, you myopic fuck. These fucking clowns have gone so deep into their own fart-huffing that they forgot that the sport is actually played beyond the range of their backwater region.

    Anyway, part of what’s great about how Texas plays its 10 P5 games is that the 10th game is damned near always against a worthy opponent with a well-known brand. This year is no different, as the horns don their gear this Saturday to face a powerful foe in the LSU Tigers. It should be a great match-up and fun Saturday night. And by that, I mean I expect Texas to stomp a deep and dirty mudhole painfully into the ass of these Cajun hillbillies and send them packing back to the swampy nether regions faster than you can spot corruption in their state government.

    “But closetojumping, LSU’s student athletes are among the elite in college sports!”

    First of all, let’s be clear about something, I don’t think LSU is even an accredited university. The trolls showing up to this site, and anyone who’s ever read TigerDroppings can also attest, simply reflect the concept that LSU isn’t an actual school, therefore these are not “Student” Athletes that UT is playing. Look at the facts:

    -LSU has an application acceptance rate of 74%. The literacy rate for the state of Louisiana most recently posted at 69% according to the Department of Education. Basic math says this is an open-enrollment school creating vocational opportunities for the literate and semi-literate in its home state. They’re effectively taking anyone from Louisiana that can sign their name on the application.

    -The admission standards and average SAT scores accepted into LSU are lower than the NCAA eligibility requirements for true freshmen student athletes entering into its FBS schools. A state of Texas GED is an acceptable posting of the documents required for acceptance into LSU.

    Given this data, it’s reasonable to assess that LSU’s football team is in effect a local team of mercenaries that do not face the same academic and educational responsibilities that any of their opponents besides Ole Miss, Auburn, and Mississippi State will face. So they’re not to be called student-athletes, and they’re able to show up competing with that advantage against Texas. I still like where we sit against them and their fans, both in this game and in life.

    “closetojumping, you seem awfully bullish about Texas facing a team with a new offensive juggernaut of an offense that dismantled a mighty 10 win team last weekend.”

    I keep hearing a couple of refrains from LSU visitors, the media talking heads, and the coelenterates cloaked in UT gear that surface themselves on the boards and at the proverbial water cooler. The mighty new offense is one of the bigger talking points as to why Texas shouldn’t even bother showing up this weekend.

    So LSU hired a guy that’s never actually been a coordinator of any sort and shoved him into the pedestrian Ensminger’s thinking, and asked those two to have a football baby. And we’re supposed to be concerned, especially after watching LSU publicly buttfuck the wizards of GA Southern. “Hey, GAS won 10 games last year, they’re strong.” Right. Their best win last year was against Appalachian State. They were blown out by ULM. So, no, pummeling a shithole team from the Sun Belt doesn’t do anything for me. I realize, given LSU’s troubles with the Sun Belt, this is a step up, like going from using an outhouse to having indoor plumbing.

    A wise philosopher once said that everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. Installing a new offense with a nonbelieving head coach that panics when he sees his offenses actively using motion faces more peril than what a cupcake can present. When Texas sends LSU back to the sidelines after a couple of 3 and outs, let’s see how much resolve Brady and Ensminger have when Baron von Edward Beauregard Orgeron is heaving red bull and dirty rice flavored, spittle-loaded invective in their direction and regressing the offense back to 3 yards and a cloud of dust. Orgeron’s loomed like a gargoyle over the offensive strategy of his staff in every season of every stop he’s made as a head coach. It’s difficult to fathom that he’s shaken that monkey in one offseason because an analyst from the Saints was hired.

    The oldest running joke in college football is that LSU has opened up its offense. That punchline will be toasted again in the late hours of Saturday night.

    “CTJ, these LSU boys got that swagger though!!! They Sposed to be SEC!!!”

    A team hasn’t talked this much shit about an opponent since Miami prepared to face Penn State in the 1987 Fiesta Bowl. The media has certainly bathed LSU in Sazerac-flavored glory as the LSU idiots have fed them sound byte after sound byte.

    K’Lavon Chaisson and his 3 career sacks has pulled up in his shit smelling clown car and spouted off at the mouth to anyone who will listen. This guy must still be pissed that Tom Herman took up residence in his home for 8 hours and subjected him to bingewatching Friends.

    One of the linebackers has announced that they’re going to run over Sam Cosmi in 10 different ways. I can’t remember which one said it, and while my understanding is that their LB corps is apparently on par with 70’s Steelers, I don’t see a single fucking one that can sniff Devin White’s jock, and he’s long gone.

    Their entire DB unit has collectively rubbed its sandy vagina and moaned that Texas, a program that has put more than 60 DBs into the league, has the temerity to continue to claim a moniker that UT’s been using for 3 decades. The LSU DBs are hurt because history apparently started with Patrick Peterson and the fucking Honey Badger. Right. Sorry, LSU, we forgot you were there.

    All of the shit talking and chest beating is the same false bravado we witnessed in our last 2 endeavors against overrated SEC teams. They’re fucking great because they say they are. It’s got all the markings of a situation in which a team shows up, throws their helmets out on the field, and says “okay, we’re here, give us the W”. As Texas fans, we know it all too well, having seen that bullshit start with overhype at the turn of the decade and the UT teams of that period playing right into it.

    Herman lives for this kind of game and situation, and his team feeds off of it as well. Underdogs at home? Getting shittalked by clowns who’ve never shared the field with Texas? Big national audience? All those boxes are checked and the history of those circumstances tells us that Texas will be ready.

    Beyond the mental prep, or lack thereof, depending upon the side, there’s also a really simple exercise to think through here. If you had one game to win against a highly touted and talented opponent, which head coach would you want prepping the strategy for your team and hatching the gameplan – Tom Herman or Sir Edgar Beaujolais Orgeron, Esq.? Only LSU fans are dumb enough to claim they’d choose the latter.

    “OH NO closetojumping, you’ve doomed us to our fate!!”

    I mudhole posted about USC last year, if it makes you feel any better. Stop squatting to pee. Texas wins this game with a score closer than the way the game was actually played on the field – 31-24. I expect misdirection, tempo, and a steady diet of fat ass LSU defenders sucking wind. The Texas defense will sell out to stop the run and force Jesus Joe Burrow to swagger the passing game to a big night while the beached whales masquerading as offensive linemen attempt to fend off multiple blitzes in front of him.

    I look forward to seeing many hot and trashy Cajun females bawling after the game, barely speaking audible English, lamenting the beating their team just took. LSU players, apparently, will be looking forward to heading back to the lockerroom so they can continue to compare notes on how they’re going to rape each other, or whatever the fuck this is:

     

     

    Anyway, Hook'em


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    3 hours ago, closetojumping said:

    “CTJ, these LSU boys got that swagger though!!! They Sposed to be SEC!!!”.......

     

    Beyond the mental prep, or lack thereof, depending upon the side, there’s also a really simple exercise to think through here. If you had one game to win against a highly touted and talented opponent, which head coach would you want prepping the strategy for your team and hatching the gameplan – Tom Herman or Sir Edgar Beaujolais Orgeron, Esq.? Only LSU fans are dumb enough to claim they’d choose the latter.

    This will be unpopular coming from a Longhorn but over on their forum I read one point that I thought was interesting. Someone agreed that Herman is a better coach than Orgeron but they feel confident in a Herman vs Aranda match-up since that one person felt the defense was going to need to win this game. In this regard I do feel two well proven coordinators on their side of the ball are going to have a chess match. Therefore, I think we are wining but it wont be due to the Herman's part of the game plan since that is on offense. It will be due to Orlando's game plan and the OC and Orgeron going back to what is comfortable and their run game is not yet been proven this year.

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    1 hour ago, texifornia said:

    Man, the LSU posters are so boring. After SC and ND as our marquee OOC games we got spoiled for reasonably high-IQ opponents.

    Yeah, the SC and ND posters that showed up were civilized humans that were engaging in discussions about business, travel, wine, etc...

    The LSU posters show up with a semi-functioning brain and want to talk about gumbo, man on man buttfucking, the discovery of the forward pass and the Sunbelt being underrated.

     

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    3 minutes ago, F250 said:

    Yeah, the SC and ND posters that showed up were civilized humans that were engaging in discussions about business, travel, wine, etc...

    The LSU posters show up with a semi-functioning brain and want to talk about gumbo, man on man buttfucking, the discovery of the forward pass and the Sunbelt being underrated.

     

    This isn't some wine and cheese party baw

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    9 minutes ago, DanTheHorn said:

    This will be unpopular coming from a Longhorn but over on their forum I read one point that I thought was interesting. Someone agreed that Herman is a better coach than Orgeron but they feel confident in a Herman vs Aranda match-up since that one person felt the defense was going to need to win this game. In this regard I do feel two well proven coordinators on their side of the ball are going to have a chess match. Therefore, I think we are wining but it wont be due to the Herman's part of the game plan since that is on offense. It will be due to Orlando's game plan and the OC and Orgeron going back to what is comfortable and their run game is not yet been proven this year.

    The Herman versus Aranda matchup hasn't gone well for Aranda in the past, has it? Sure LSU has better athletes than Wisconsin but 59 points and 558 yards on only 56 offensive snaps is still a beatdown.

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    6 minutes ago, Huckleberry said:

    The Herman versus Aranda matchup hasn't gone well for Aranda in the past, has it? Sure LSU has better athletes than Wisconsin but 59 points and 558 yards on only 56 offensive snaps is still a beatdown.

    Dammit Huckleberry you always have / quickly find more info then the rest of us. That is why you have more likes than post. Thanks for the info now that makes me feel better.

    Edited by DanTheHorn
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    There is a lot of BS in your post and little substance.  How do you feel about match-ups?
    LSU O-Line versus UT D-Line?
    Will UT's backup RBs have the smarts to recognize and pick up Dave Aranda's blitz packages?
    You know that 2nd TD pass in the LaTech game by Ehlinger gets picked off by LSU DBs, right?
    How do you feel about UT DBs matching up with LSU WRs?
     
    I hope Herman's game plan it to test our freshman corner Stingley.  Do you realize Stingley played on the 7 versus 7 circuit since eight grade against your wide receivers?  The point is, he knows them already. Oh, and please kick to Stingley on punts. 
     
    How to feel about our DL matched up against your OL?  Do you realize that our NT Tyler Shelvin is playing himself into a 1st round pick in a couple of years and he is backed up by two very talented freshman in Ika and Evans. Furthermore the depth at NT has allowed Fehoko to move to DE in Aranda's 3-4.
     
    I also don't think you realize the depth LSU has at LB.  You will know the name "Jacoby Stevens" by the end of the game.  
    Lol
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    22 minutes ago, Dr Grind said:

    That degree ain't gonna help you cuzz after Chassion BRAINS Ehlinger on the first play!!!

    He’s gonna suck his dick on the field? Not surprising after the LSU  locker room vid that got out. 

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    19 minutes ago, Huckleberry said:

    The Herman versus Aranda matchup hasn't gone well for Aranda in the past, has it? Sure LSU has better athletes than Wisconsin but 59 points and 558 yards on only 56 offensive snaps is still a beatdown.

    ... with a 3rd string QB

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    These are some great points. However, I don't think Coach Orgeron's history of abject failure has been emphasized enough. Let's look at his track record:

     

    In 2005, Orgeron was hired at Ole Miss. He tried to instigate a new offense and failed miserably. Ole Miss finished 117th in the country, averaging 13.5 points and 282 yards of total offense per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2005-team-offense.html

     

    In 2006, Orgeron's offense moved up to 108th, averaging a whopping 15.7 points and 261 yards per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2006-team-offense.html

     

    In 2007, Orgeron's offense made a leap to 105th, averaging 20.1 points and 345 yards per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2007-team-offense.html

     

    After going winless in SEC play in 2007, Orgeron was fired. Even Charlie Strong was able to get conference wins in his third year. Orgeron ended his tenure at Ole Miss with a 9-25 record and 3 conference wins.

     

    Orgeron then left college football for a year, and then took a position with Lane Kiffen's Tennesee program. Yikes.

     

    After Kiffen's Tennesee program blew up, Orgeron went to work at USC. USC eventually decided to hire Steve Sarkisian instead of Coach O. 

     

    What's really incredible about this is that I can think of 4 programs with great histories that have struggled this decade. USC, Tennesee, Nebraska, and Texas. Orgeron was involved with two of those at a high level, and he was not able to right the ship at either of them. Herman, however, was able to significantly improve Texas. After 1 year, Herman's team won 10 games for the first time since 2009. Wherever Ed goes, mediocrity follows. USC was gradually getting worse before he arrived, meh when he was there, and meh after he left. Ole Miss just sort of sucked, and I don't think I need to talk about Tennesee.

     

    Now let's look at LSU. 

     

    Orgeron's teams have scored 10 points in 3 years against Alabama. He lost a bowl game to Notre Dame. In his two seasons, he's gone 9-4 and 10-3. Counting the games after Les got fired, his winning percentage at LSU is worse than Miles's (.770 vs .743). Elite coaches make programs better. Ed Orgeron does not. 

     

     

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    3 minutes ago, Dr Grind said:

    https://longhornswire.usatoday.com/2019/09/04/five-reasons-why-the-texas-longhorns-will-defeat-the-lsu-tigers/5/

     

    Serious question though, why is the narrative among Texas fans that the LSU secondary is young?  Stingley is a freshman but besides that everyone is junior or senior

    Because these sports "writers" and $9.95 are idiots. You should know this by now or at Tiger Droppings you don't pick up on such things. The message board from respected posters is where I get my information.

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    4 minutes ago, HOOKEM4 said:

    Where you at? You gonna get one hell of a shoulder check baw.

    We are setting up in Lot 37.  Come have a beer baw.  Look for the purple and gold confederate battle flag and the ice chest full of natty

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    1 minute ago, Dr Grind said:

    We are setting up in Lot 37.  Come have a beer baw.  Look for the purple and gold confederate battle flag and the ice chest full of natty

    I get the feeling that this is not just an internet schtick, but what this person is actually like irl.

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     Multiple syllables can prove to be a herculean task for these fucknuts, so I'm working under the assumption that  "baw" is simple cajun for "bottom"** 

    **The Mike Pence definition of bottom.

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    30 minutes ago, Dr Grind said:

    Yeah just like in prison cuz

    Between this and that video, I've never seen a group of ostensibly straight people more eager to say "fuck yeah I do gay stuff! Suck dicks, butt stuff, let's go baw!"

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    Just now, Junior Miller said:

    These cunts are truly representing their low income state and 

    Low

    Standards

    University

    Never seen the word "Baw" trigger so many people so fast.  Must be a big 12 thing.  You baws wouldn't make it on Tigerdroppings

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    47 minutes ago, Huckleberry said:

    The Herman versus Aranda matchup hasn't gone well for Aranda in the past, has it? Sure LSU has better athletes than Wisconsin but 59 points and 558 yards on only 56 offensive snaps is still a beatdown.

    Most important detail of that game:

    3rd. Team. Quarterback

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    3 minutes ago, Dr Grind said:

    Never seen the word "Baw" trigger so many people so fast.  Must be a big 12 thing.  You baws wouldn't make it on Tigerdroppings

    lulz

    You guys aren't tough enough to post on the site where we can't even cuss so we say frick and shite!!!

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    4 minutes ago, Dr Grind said:

    Never seen the word "Baw" trigger so many people so fast.  Must be a big 12 thing.  You baws wouldn't make it on Tigerdroppings

    You mean the “word” “baw.” It’s not triggering, it’s confusion at your foreign tongue.

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    Let's talk about the actual game baws.  How many times is Sam going to have to throw it since ya'll don't have a running back?  I find it funny that I saw LSU having 5 running backs as a weakness

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    Holy shit, internet LSU bayou trash is about at the same level as real life aggy dumbfuckery. Fucking impressive. I have known several LSU grads throughout my career in oil and gas and in person they aren’t this bad, well, when it comes to football. Still have never known a group of non black folks use the N word so much and so liberally in my life. Classy group baw.

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    1 minute ago, Dr Grind said:

    Let's talk about the actual game baws.  How many times is Sam going to have to throw it since ya'll don't have a running back?  I find it funny that I saw LSU having 5 running backs as a weakness

    You know our first-string running back is starting, right?

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    1 minute ago, Bobby_Batronic said:

    Let me translate since I married into a family of swamp running coonasses, jackasses and shrimpin’ Chinks.

    A baw is your basic jackass who is equal parts bro, wannabe country boy and pretentious football fan who wears his designer sunglasses, blue jeans and red wings as an extension of his personality. A baw tries to compensate for the fact that he can’t afford the payments on his jacked up F-250 by strutting around in cammo gear as though he just spent the week filling in as a stuntman in First Blood when the only thing he actually hunted was some Cane’s chicken fingers. He’s the asshole who shows up at the wedding in full LSU tiger gear with a case in back for the reception...as a groomsman. Take away conversations about duck hunting, his latest truck accoutrements or his football team of choice and you left with a near vacuous mute that communicates like Sloth with Chunk. Imagine a die hard tide fine from South Alabama, and then take away any sense of self awareness. 

    They litter Austin with refuse and general jackassery, but on the bright side most of the city’s road kill will be cleaned from the shoulders and served at their tailgates. 

    Thank you! Out of rep so I'll send positive vibes your way.  

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    59 minutes ago, DanTheHorn said:

    Dammit Huckleberry you always have / quickly find more info then the rest of us. That is why you have more likes than post. Thanks for the info now that makes me feel better.

    You can get more likes than posts around here by posting nothing but bad puns and pop culture references, so I’ve heard. 

    Or extraordinary Paint art. 

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    I wanted Chaisson in 2017 as much or more than anyone, but if there's a 1 on 1 matchup where I feel Texas is pretty dang ahead on its Cosmi vs Chaisson.  That dude will be lucky to get more than one pressure on Ehlinger all game

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    39 minutes ago, Right53VeerPass said:

    These are some great points. However, I don't think Coach Orgeron's history of abject failure has been emphasized enough. Let's look at his track record:

     

    In 2005, Orgeron was hired at Ole Miss. He tried to instigate a new offense and failed miserably. Ole Miss finished 117th in the country, averaging 13.5 points and 282 yards of total offense per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2005-team-offense.html

     

    In 2006, Orgeron's offense moved up to 108th, averaging a whopping 15.7 points and 261 yards per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2006-team-offense.html

     

    In 2007, Orgeron's offense made a leap to 105th, averaging 20.1 points and 345 yards per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2007-team-offense.html

     

    After going winless in SEC play in 2007, Orgeron was fired. Even Charlie Strong was able to get conference wins in his third year. Orgeron ended his tenure at Ole Miss with a 9-25 record and 3 conference wins.

     

    Orgeron then left college football for a year, and then took a position with Lane Kiffen's Tennesee program. Yikes.

     

    After Kiffen's Tennesee program blew up, Orgeron went to work at USC. USC eventually decided to hire Steve Sarkisian instead of Coach O. 

     

    What's really incredible about this is that I can think of 4 programs with great histories that have struggled this decade. USC, Tennesee, Nebraska, and Texas. Orgeron was involved with two of those at a high level, and he was not able to right the ship at either of them. Herman, however, was able to significantly improve Texas. After 1 year, Herman's team won 10 games for the first time since 2009. Wherever Ed goes, mediocrity follows. USC was gradually getting worse before he arrived, meh when he was there, and meh after he left. Ole Miss just sort of sucked, and I don't think I need to talk about Tennesee.

     

    Now let's look at LSU. 

     

    Orgeron's teams have scored 10 points in 3 years against Alabama. He lost a bowl game to Notre Dame. In his two seasons, he's gone 9-4 and 10-3. Counting the games after Les got fired, his winning percentage at LSU is worse than Miles's (.770 vs .743). Elite coaches make programs better. Ed Orgeron does not. 

     

     

    Enjoyed the post. One thing this reminded me of, which I fucking forgot to include in the original post, is that Marquis Edgart Templeton Orgeron III is also an admitted woman beater. He beat a woman around so regularly while in Miami that she had to get a restraining order on his shitty fucking ass. So, again, it's been a glorious career for this fucking shitbag. 

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