Oh you are finished?! Well allow me to retort
I have learned a few things this week, that even on Surly, a bastion of dumbfuckery, sport and comedy, that systematic racism does actually exists. Wiith the recent revelation that 2+2=4 is a blatant attempt at heirarchical racism. I, a person of color, am now expected to pass a math test on Surly? One that contains tricky percentages, which clearly is an attempt at silencing me, and smacks of institutional racism. All for the simple task of telling you guys to stop being such pussies. College Football games, Texas in particular, are my form of reparations and I takes what I want.
As a proud person of color, and a first generation Cuban-American Latino , I reject your attempt at keeping me on the plantain. Isn’t it enough that your President, Barack, put my brothers in cages, and invaded this bastion of purity with imperial cruise ships?
With apologies to my strong sisters, who everyone knows are the key to winning all elections, I must again apologize in advance when I say that all you dripping hatchet wounds who want to clutch your pearls and feign concern over the well-being of players can all eat a giant bag of dicks. You can’t be lining up to blow Hudson Card and Bijan on one post, where they are, according to you dip-shits, placing their lives at risk because of Covid, and then act like this Guajiro/Campesino/Bumpkin is a monster for pointing out that less than 1% means cock when it comes to risk taking.
Because of this I am going to have to ask BLM draft me a letter with the following demands:
That a patronage fund is set up for this Cubana and Vida Guerra, maybe even a few tasteful statues to be proudly displayed on the West mall.
That any song from the Buena Vista Social Club (I vote Chan Chan) replace that racist railroad song, Wabash Cannonball, only to be performed by the LHB, with some Cuban scholarships so you can get some gitdamn rhythm and flare. Clearly, Wabash Cannonball is an homage to your slaver/imperialist foundations.
Finally, that Surly replace all explicitly racist handles, starting with the Grand Wizard, Beau Vine with Cuban baseball players names. I think Jose Canseco fits you well Beauregard.
If my demands are not met, I will have to boycott all fund raiser and alumni facing events until some meaningful change is made around here. I know that Tom Herman has my back, because he grew up in a single parent household. This is a learning moment, and I hope you all can join the movement.
In closing,
Power To The People