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bmbmd

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by bmbmd

  1. Opening day, Antelope season, Valley County, Montana. 1985. Two young hunters from the University of Michigan drove to northeastern Montana to try their luck at antelope hunting. On opening day, one lets the other out and they agree to meet at such and such point at such and such time. He didn't show up. When darkness fell, the driver headed to the check station to report his friend as missing, and a search party was summoned. They searched all night (27 degrees) and in to the morning to no avail. A rancher's wife from out in the boonies saw something orange against a snow fence as she was driving the forty miles to the nearest grocery store. A couple of hours later, as she was returning with her bags, the orange object had not moved. She got out to investigate, and found the barely conscious Michigander in only his underwear and hi-vis hunter's orange plastic vest. The ambulance was summoned, and young Natty Bumpo whisked to safety. In the ambulance, core temp was reported as 91 degrees, and his bp was about 70/40. His bare feet were filled with thorns and mildly frostbitten, and his head was neatly creased from the path of an accidentally fired bullet from his .247. It was theorized that he had discharged his weapon while climbing through a barbed wire fence and skimmed right down the part of his hair, and his badly concussed self reasoned that the colder he got, the more clothes he needed to shed. By the time he reached the ER, he was warming up and becoming more lucid. CAT scan was normal, CPK (which demonstrates muscle injury) was 27,000 and thankfully kidney function was still nominal. About the time the doctor (me) was finishing his assessment, his frantic mother was on the phone. I reassured her the best I could, convinced her that he would be home hail and hearty in nothing flat, and calmed her fears. She thanked me profusely and asked if she could speak to him, so I handed the phone to the still groggy dude. "Hi Mom" he said, then scrunched his face in agony as he moved the receiver further and further from his ear. Everyone in the room could hear the screaming shrieking and unbelievable blue tirade of reprimand coming from Mom. Her language was befitting of the saltiest of merchant marines-it was indeed a thing of beauty. Eventually the furor subsided and she allowed that she would leave immediately for northern Montana to retrieve her damaged son. After hanging up, his buddy, who had been standing quietly in the corner all morning, approached the gurney and asked how he was feeling. After answering positively, unscathed college kid asks "If you're done hunting.....can I have your antelope tag"? tldr-there are many strange sights in the northern lights. People do weird stuff when concussed and or hypothermic. Hunter's orange saves lives.
  2. Hell’s bells, man-Forrest earned the Medal of Honor in Vietnam.
  3. This is my bride's last year to teach. She will be mentoring a brand new first year technology teacher across the hall. Nice young lady from UT by the name of Mrs. Swoopes.
  4. Crown and Anchor for the win. Beers on me. Tell Dervin I said hello. He was my roomie a million years ago.
  5. CSB alert-Demarcus did, in fact, pork up a bit after retirement. He was a guest on a certain now defunct Nickleodeon aggy related show, and had to don a rubberized fat sumo looking suit for some skit or another. My son was a production assistant on said show, and was tasked with getting the big guy in and out of his costume on a typical steamy Dallas summer day. My boy, who might be 5'8", and no stranger to sweating himself, rode Mr. Ware incessantly about how the chore would have been so much simpler if he hadn't let himself go to seed like that. The skit was a success, they parted great friends (he even has his number), and he lived to p.a. another day. I like to think he goaded him into getting in shape. Edited to add:Just looked at the pics-maybe lost fifteen pounds. Opened a high end gym in Southlake, and has posted a few pics of himself working out. Holy Jesus-he is a beast.
  6. 260. Better lucky than good.
  7. Welcome to my world.
  8. Here's looking at you, kid.
  9. Squeeze, ags.
  10. Laugh if you will, but I always look forward to hearing Leslie Blaising sing somewhere on the island. She is an SPI icon, the ultimate lounge singer.
  11. Exactly. It's an insolvable problem.
  12. I'm less than three years from retiring to SPI, at least New Years through May. Part of me wants a place on the bay side with a lift, but practical me wants a place on the gulfside with a view. Pretty sure I could sit on my ass for six months watching the waves roll in.
  13. https://www.nbc-2.com/story/42341375/florida-woman-finds-human-head-while-jogging-in-st-petersburg ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) - A Florida woman found a human head while jogging on the side of a road Tuesday morning, authorities said. The remains were found in a grassy area between a sidewalk and the edge of a road in St. Petersburg. Police were called to the scene after 7 a.m. Investigators couldn't determine the person's race or gender, according to authorities. (No where else to put this, but needs to go somewhere.)
  14. Apropos of nothing, years ago some sixty something siblings brought their eighty-something mom in for dementia. The old girl was perfectly lucid, but was convinced that two young men were living in her attic. It was a few weeks before someone finally went up in to the attic to placate Mom. You guessed it-two high school kids had built a little hideout/pot smoking chamber in the attic by climbing the elm tree next to her house. Ropesville, Texas, to be exact.
  15. I stayed at a campground near Denali and the hostess was from Mule-fucking-shoe Texas. Said she hated Texas.
  16. Well, to be honest, Rick was celebrating something really awesome in that shot.
  17. Give me a battalion of West Point grads and I’ll win a battle. Give me a battalion of aggy grads and I’ll win a (race) war.
  18. x,x.x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x,,x.
  19. The shocker.
  20. A neon sign keeps flashing “Welcome-come on in”.
  21. My son was fifteen when the millennium was ushered in. He had several of his friends over to celebrate the new century. They had been concerned about the whole Y2K scare. So, at the stroke of midnight, I flipped the power off for the whole house. There was a stunned silence from the den for a few seconds, followed by "Not cool, Dad". It was worth resetting all the clocks in the house just for that few seconds of sheer panic.
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