My wife and I agreed the other day that I should take the month off from drinking. She didn't push on me, she didn't really have to. I've been a regular drinker for ten years or more. Anywhere between six to ten drinks, almost every day, through one marriage and divorce and now into another. I started during my first marriage mainly out of boredom, but I've kept it going straight into this marriage as well. I hide it. Most of the time I have 3-4 drinks after work or on my way home so that it looks to my wife like I only have 3 or 4 drinks nightly. And yeah, I know this is stupid, dangerous behavior.
I've never "bottomed out" like I see a lot of you guys on here talking about. But it is taking a toll on my life. I feel shitty until lunchtime every day, and I never get anything done until the afternoon or evening. I'm blessed (cursed?) with a job that has let me get away with that. I know that it has hurt both marriages. I tend to be more interested in drinking than sex, most nights. That's just an example, but I know that it stands to reason that I'm not fully plugged into my life when I'm 8 drinks in.
So having had this little talk with my wife, I didn't drink last night. First night in awhile. From experience, I knew going in that I wouldn't sleep well, if at all. I told her that would probably happen, and it damn sure did. I'm super tired today. On the plus side, I don't feel like crap in addition to being tired like I usually do.
I wonder what this is going to be like and how long I will keep it going. I know the deal (at least I think I do). I LIKE feeling a little warm and foggy after a few drinks. I enjoy having a glass of wine while cooking and eating dinner. But then I have a hard time cutting it off, and it becomes the whole bottle. And then a couple of beers. And maybe tipping back a bottle for a few swigs between beers. And then I get up in the morning, and I look around and wonder how I had the gumption to turn off the lamp beside my bed, because I can't remember doing that at all. Because I like drinking, I know it'll be hard to kick.
I wonder if I will be able to get to a point where NOT drinking will be the norm, but where I will still be able to enjoy drinking from time to time on the right occasion. I don't have the "off" switch. I wonder if my wife will help me with that. I don't really want her to. And it doesn't really matter I suppose, because I've developed this habit of hiding it from her and I know how easy it is. She has a lot of grace about her. She knows that I drink a lot and she's not up my ass about it. But she will be one day if I keep this up.
Anyway, I'm gonna give this a shot for awhile and see what happens. I've got my goal on one month right now. I hope the whole sleeping thing gets a little better, because last night sucked.