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Posted
5 hours ago, Ghost of NMAS said:

It's not like dementia; she recognizes everyone, and her long-term memory is still good, but her short-term memory is just about completely gone.  I end up having virtually the same conversation with her every day. 

Sounds just like early dementia to me based on my experiences with several family members and friends.  Short term is often 1st to go.  They can still tell you their 1st grade teacher's name but not who they had dinner with last night.  Long term declines later and more slowly.  The longer the relationship, the longer they hold on to the memory.  Forget grandkids before kids, and kids before spouse kind of deal.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

My dad was at skilled nursing for a few days, then had some AFIB and was taken back to the hospital. They put him in some vest thing that is supposed to shock his heart if needed, it has a little box you have to fuck with the keep from getting shocked. They said he needs to wear it for 3 months. Well, he's back at home and has now taken it off, said it was crushing his chest. He refuses to go back to skilled nursing "They tried to kill me! Their cable tv package sucks!". He's mad that the home health RN won't give him a shower. He won't eat much but he needs to get some protein. He's currently in the middle of congestive heart failure to boot. Oh, and he told my sister that he won't be going back to the hospital. I guess he just wants to fade out, I dunno. At this point, I'm so frustrated that all I can do is laugh. 

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Posted
11 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My dad was at skilled nursing for a few days, then had some AFIB and was taken back to the hospital. They put him in some vest thing that is supposed to shock his heart if needed, it has a little box you have to fuck with the keep from getting shocked. They said he needs to wear it for 3 months. Well, he's back at home and has now taken it off, said it was crushing his chest. He refuses to go back to skilled nursing "They tried to kill me! Their cable tv package sucks!". He's mad that the home health RN won't give him a shower. He won't eat much but he needs to get some protein. He's currently in the middle of congestive heart failure to boot. Oh, and he told my sister that he won't be going back to the hospital. I guess he just wants to fade out, I dunno. At this point, I'm so frustrated that all I can do is laugh. 

Yeah - that sucks.  In that he just wants to fade out and it will all end up falling on you.  My Suggestion is get hospice involved right now.  If he has any objections, explain this is to help you not him.  AND - they may be able to do things like get him bathed.  If he is not going to wear the vest let the hospital know and return it.  

I understand your frustration.  I am STILL dealing with the results of not listening to me when had the listened.... layers upon layers of better outcome.  It is laugh or cry, and often both at the hilarity and darkness of certain moments.  But look into Hospice. 

--------

I did not realize how long it had been since I posted on this thread.  But my mom passed days after my last post in August of last year.  Hospice was amazing, and so was the Neptune Society.  Can't recommend both highly enough.  

The good news is my Dad is doing really well.  He actually told my BIL he really enjoys living at The Enclave.  He has always been a oiner and I think it helped move past my mothers death.  He still has dreams with her most every night so he likes that.  He got the place to get some loaner pedometers and has started some sort of walking club.  He is well outside the norm, and is kicking ass in all honesty.  

But it's just fucking hard sometimes.  My sister has not been remotely the help I thought or expected, so there is that. But that is everyone's situation on this thread I imagine.  Do the best you can with your folks.  And try to find a good hospice place as early as possible.  You may not be ready, but having a phone number to call of somebody you have interviewed are have a great recommendation on will give you peace of mind during the decline.  Mainly there are a shit ton of things they can help you with once they are on hospice care.  

 

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Posted

Agree with contacting Hospice.  It's much different than the 6 months left organization from years past.  There are people that stay on hospice for years.  Even when mom left her home for the skilled nursing facility, hospice was involved and continued providing medications and nursing care.

Posted
5 minutes ago, horn4life said:

My Suggestion is get hospice involved right now

I don't think he'd agree to that but more importantly, I don't think he's far enough along for it. I do think he has a good chance of dying if he has another heart attack but who know if or when that will happen? As to the CHF, how long would that take to do him in? I have no idea.

His brother had a ton of heart issues and was sent to hospice. But he lived long enough to where the facility rep went to him and said he was going to be kicked out, they needed room for people who were going to die soon. He passed the next day. 

Posted

Hospice was awesome for my mom. She was at an assisted living home, and hospice only added to the care she received from the home caregivers. The hospice company, HCA?, also brought in any supplies or equipment she needed. When there was an health issue, an HCA nurse would stop by to see her. If she needed a prescription, then the nurse would speak to the hospice doc to write it up. They took over management of her prescriptions. All of this was free through Medicare.

The major downside of hospice is that you give up curative care. If you go to the hospital or to see a doctor, it could end the hospice care. However there is nothing stopping you from reapplying for hospice care. This never happened with my mom, so I don't understand the process or timing.

As far as the "6-months to live" rule, that's only that a doctor has to sign off that your underlying condition most likely will end your life in the next 6 months. In theory you could last years and years, and Medicare will continue to pay. At least that was my understanding. 

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Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, Sandman said:

I don't think he'd agree to that but more importantly, I don't think he's far enough along for it. I do think he has a good chance of dying if he has another heart attack but who know if or when that will happen? As to the CHF, how long would that take to do him in? I have no idea.

His brother had a ton of heart issues and was sent to hospice. But he lived long enough to where the facility rep went to him and said he was going to be kicked out, they needed room for people who were going to die soon. He passed the next day. 

Look into it.  Hospice will provide care at home for people with chronic life conditions even if they are not on their death bed.  CHF will qualify him for the care.  They will provide the medications and equipment to treat CHF free of charge and will come up with a plan for nursing care a couple times a week and other stuff.  Although they generally provide palliative care, you can even suspend hospice if something comes up that your dad wants to treat at the hospital or otherwise. 

Edited by Jerry Callo
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Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, Sandman said:

I don't think he'd agree to that but more importantly, I don't think he's far enough along for it. I do think he has a good chance of dying if he has another heart attack but who know if or when that will happen? As to the CHF, how long would that take to do him in? I have no idea.

His brother had a ton of heart issues and was sent to hospice. But he lived long enough to where the facility rep went to him and said he was going to be kicked out, they needed room for people who were going to die soon. He passed the next day. 

For you or others, hospice doesn't have to be moving to a hospice facility. They will come to wherever the patient is at. For my mom, the main point was that she didn't want to keep going to the hospital for care. I told her it was her decision to switch to hospice and that we would also end up whenever she wanted.

Now if you have hospice care at home, obviously the care isn't as on-demand as it would be in a facility.

EDIT: Hospice is also there for the family of the patient. When my mom passed at the assisted living place, hospice was first informed and then reached out to me. They took care of the initial details such as reaching out to the funeral home, that was previously identified, to get the process started. While I could have done all of that, it was nice to have someone else handle it. They also offered grief counseling to the family, not that I'm aware if anyone took them up on it.  Once again, all free to the patient and family outside of medicare premiums.

Edited by Nice Guy Eddie
Posted
59 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

Look into it.  Hospice will provide care at home for people with chronic life conditions even if they are not on their death bed.

 

They do anything with alzheimers/dementia types?

MIL is getting worse every day. Started sundowning, while drinking wine and texting people a couple weeks ago.

 

 

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