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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. I wanna be that fix-it dude who goes over fences and through windows. You know not to put me on payroll, just send a package to a p.o. box every now and then with whatever you think is fair, and a burner phone with one number for me to dial.
  2. The psychiatrist used the term "ticking time-bomb" but I like the way you said it better.
  3. Yep. We did a minstrel show too, 3rd or 4th grade. Somebody had sense enough to rule out blackface. I didn't get to do the intricate tambourine knee and elbow routine, but I can still remember the mournful swell of Cotton Needs a Pickin... So BAAAAD..." Then I would go home and hide behind the baby-sitter's chair while she watched Dark Shadows because that skull with eyes freaked me OUT.
  4. I got news for you, I prayed, in a no-fucks-given public school system, and we also had a nice lady come around and tell Bible stories with cut-out figures that would cling to a felt board. Then we were allowed to draw Bible scenes, so I busted out a magnum opus of Samson holding a Philistine soldier by the neck and smashing his skull with the jawbone of an ass. It was way better than my rather pedestrian drawing of Moses murdering the Egyptian slave-driver. The other kids that day drew floating basket baby Moses n stuff. Naw.
  5. Just tell her, if she's gonna tase somebody, just tase them. Don't stand there giving a speech like a Bond villain.
  6. I would put the southern "dueling culture" US states as the northern-most edge of South America But Settled By English. When I lived in Mexico I was getting along GREAT because it was like they'd taken my extreme Deep South hometown and recast it with Mexicans for a Televisa version. It was the same machine once you sat down to drive it. Northern US was all upstanding until they started showing "The Sopranos." Federal Government (for my whole life so far) has served the role of the Spanish Visitador that you call on to root out the worst of the good-ol-boyism. Shomari Figures out front shoulda told ya. You have to keep them on speed-dial, one visit doesn't do it.
  7. You just described the culture of every place south of the Danube. And by extension, New Spain. Not that north of the Danube is any great prize, mind you, they're just more prone to sticking to regulations whether that's building Autobahns or shooting prisoners. In New Spain the Hapsburgs knew exactly how to run it. They knew that unwatched officials would cheat and gouge, so they routinely sent over Visitadores to hobnob, share a bottle of wine, and if it turned out you stole too much, back in chains on a slow boat with usted. Sounds like the Turkish government has the same self-awareness-- if they want 15 pieces of rebar, they probably say 20 to get that to happen.
  8. For a start, fire all NPR announcers and replace them with ex-Drill Sergeants. I know you will NOT touch that dial, maggots.
  9. William Rufus DeVane King says: "If the Dark Angel of Tuberculosis had descended in mournful gloom upon Franklin Pierce instead of taking me, I dare say, Sir, I should dispute your assertion."
  10. This is spiteful, horrible, useless, and it appeals to me.
  11. I just turned it on, did about 3 hexes to preserve my streak, and won 4500 coins when I took credit for it. Completed Sonic Wildfire quest and Diamond Hands. No idea how either one connects to reality.
  12. So, is it the law or something, that he had to tell the newspapers?
  13. My only nit would be the lines about how they hid them because they were Federal currency and Morgan's Confederate cavalry wouldn't like that... Confederates, Federals, Phrenologists and Whiskeypalians would have been united by their love of gold coins, no matter who minted them. They were about one decade from officially using silver Pesos. No way they cared.
  14. I dread the day Sharpie markers go up from one dollar to two. Also kinda need to get the new siding done asap.
  15. Unless you get posted in downtown Laredo. Spend you free evenings in On The Rocks Tavern, and free days prowling around buying Baja hoodies for 8 dollars that you sell for 25 back home. In pensive moments, muse on what might have been in La República del Rio Grande.
  16. SEED! I thought you was dead. Where you been?
  17. Because shitting on a halfway-healthy man is not for the weak. You've got to stay calm while they get close, then LEAP up on them simultaneously dropping pants to start shitting, then it's bucking bronco time once they feel that hot juicy sploo running down their neck, and every now and then you get a real fighter who grabs for the nads, so you gotta twist and turn to evade that while maintaining a disciplined aiming point for the chunky blast. You've got to give it your all, and if you can't, maybe you're better off typing snark for the NYT.
  18. Ignoring people is like paying to see a movie and then not watching the screen.
  19. Counterpoint-- if your ancestors were enslaved on the land, who has a better right to that land than their descendants?
  20. The docs are appalled that 4 blood pressure pills aren't getting the job done, so they've got me paused on Lenvima for few days. Of course Keytruda is still coursing through my veins giving me inhuman strength. BP is down a little already. If it stays lower I am also going to call an audible and skip Amlodipine until my swollen Popeye feet go down again. We have an impromptu meeting at the UAB megaplex Tuesday, this time at the civilized hour of noonish. I will have time to hop on the 15 cent (if you are old) shuttle bus and eat something non-fastfood. Kinda sucks having to call in on what would have been my second day of work, but lucky to know some docs who don't slack off.
  21. Andrew Jackson wasn't lookin for loquacious types like the Sartoris's.
  22. Find the spot where half the people sound like Foghorn Leghorn, and the other half sound like Yosemite Sam. There will I be.
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