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BearSchlong

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Everything posted by BearSchlong

  1. Happy 3 year sobriety anniversary, @hullabelew. There's nothing quite like that feeling when you realize the gig is up and the world will continue to spin on it's axis without any input from me. Being flung off the merry go round was the best thing that ever happened to me as well.
  2. Interesting point. I can recall my last drunk wedding, it was my best friend's and I stood in the pulpit of an Episcopal church, pulled out my camera and took a photo of the audience and then slurred through some reading a la John Boehner. The rest of the night was blackout, and several years later my very last drunk coincided with me trying to bed one of his college friends and her turning me down. I made direct amends for the wedding fiasco, and if God ever puts that lady in my path I might just have to make amends to her for that night. "Hey, uh, I now have to practice rigorous honesty, I wanted to fuck your brains out since you were an 18 yr old at Rice and finally had enough courage to tell you when I was in my 30s, you shot me down, I got drunk for the last time, had a near death experience, and have been continuously sober since the next day." Maybe I'll discuss it with my sponsor first. The point is, I can't imagine an event where I drink that doesn't end in people recoiling in horror. Yup, I'm an alcoholic. Going through a very stressful time at the moment, my stepmom and I had a a very awkward discussion with my late dad's stockbroker today but I didn't have to drink over it. Fuck *** by the way, unless you are a very high net worth individual which I am definitely not, and with the current market I'm becoming less so by the day. I get it, I really do - but they aren't demons. And fighting is pointless. Would you call cancer a demon? And what is fighting cancer, other than getting out of denial and attempting to maintain a positive attitude? I have a disease where my body and brain metabolizes alcohol different from some other people, and the sooner I embrace it and treat it, i.e. get into acceptance and lay down my sword and submit, the quicker the paradox kicks in and the more enjoyment and meaning I get from life. Laypeople think it's a fight, or shake their head and say "that guy. . .he has demons" but nah not really. It's a disease of perception. It's not good, or bad, it just is. Reminds me of my good friend Kenny B, just a prince among men. He couldn't get out of the "warfare" mindset, enjoyed a few years of sobriety, then had an accident that required surgery, and eventually addiction killed him.
  3. My stepbro had his luggage lost recently on a business trip, and the only pants available to be bought were from - don't laugh - Lululemon. Apparently they actually make pants for men that can be worn to work. He actually wears them with Tecovas. My SIL makes fun of him constantly.
  4. I've got a flat ass, and the pants that fit me best are Tommy Bahama Boracay chinos, so I just buy them in multiple colors - pants and shorts, they fit the same. Throw on a company golf shirt or a Brooks Brothers plaid and a pair of polished boots and I'm good to go. Would love to hear what you other flat assed middle aged guys wear in terms of pants.
  5. Thanks for letting us know. Bear (he/him) Sent from flip phone using Tapatalk
  6. Team Ryobi 40v here for everything. My only ragret is not getting more of the powerhead units, changing from edger to trimmer to tiller "cultivator" gets old but it is easy. The blower (the midrange one) is a champ.
  7. I love low and slow, but it sure is a bitch to get through the stall when cooking at 225-240. You fellas might be on to something. I think I've been overcooking my brisket, maybe I'll do 275 next time.
  8. That or buying from AT&T, for sure. Sure would love to PM with any current or former IBM sales types. Ok, writing is on the wall, I just had a 148% month but I've given it a good 22 months and I just don't see the long term upside of my current gig, not to mention the fact that my VP of Sales is about to give all our boundary partners and sales people coronaries. I'm officially in the market, will be happy to be a referral for SaaS, Cloud, or other technical sales enterprise sales gig, and will be happy to engage on specifics via PM, plus you might get a bonus. I'm open to things other than technology sales, really any situation that is positive, growing, and where I can get a whole lot of at-bats and make a healthy OTE.
  9. Much better, thanks. Have really leaned on my support structure. I'm at an inflection point where I'm determined to focus on what I want to do rather than what I feel obligated to do. The anxiety attacks have passed, and some opportunities have opened up on the career front that were beyond my wildest dreams. We got probate started. I've had a few meditation points of note, mainly that avoidance causes anxiety, and that I need to take a hard look at my standards and make sure they are congruent with my values. I'm still really upset with whats going on in Ukraine, not only on the humanitarian front but because my kid has spent a total of 5 months in the last 24 in the US with his new bride. Proud as hell regarding his service and mission, just that a year in Korea followed up with a quick and unexpected redeployment to Poland will take a toll on his marriage.
  10. The book goes into great detail about how his college coaching schemes worked great with younger players without the basketball IQ of NBA talent, but slowed the pro game down to the point where they lost games they should have easily won, and won close games on sheer talent that would have been blowouts had Westhead fully carried out McKinney's scheme. Like putting hobbles on thoroughbreds. Great bench coach as long as he wasn't in charge of the whole game plan.
  11. I've got a coworker who had some stress-induced health problem severe enough to put her on short-term disability. I see myself leaving the company within a few months, myself. Just not worth it. I just got a call from a dear friend whose baby mama died today. Their daughter is six and never knew her mother as he got sole custody when the kid was six months old. I hadn't seen her in a while, but she was at least 5'8", and when she died, she was 60 lbs. Combination of eating disorder plus whatever else, I remember a few years ago I mentioned that she drank a bottle of Robitussin and passed out in her car in the CPS office parking lot. The situation was such that I was pulling for her, praying for her, but ultimately knew in my heart it was a question of when not if. So today is the when. I"m pretty sure she was in her early 30s. And when I first met her about ten years ago, she had movie-star good looks, which is why my buddy pursued her. Just a cryin shame. RIP Lana, your suffering is over.
  12. Does anybody here work/has worked at IBM in a sales capacity? Would appreciate a PM.
  13. When I was an exchange student in Lithuania in Jan 1992, the family with whom I was living had stockpiles of Reichmarks and Rubles, because you just never know who might be in charge one day.
  14. I don't hear much from my kid, who is over there clad in camo, but what I hear can be summarized as "groundhog day, slowly going insane. But we're doing good work." Fuck Russia. The parent/family supply chain is getting ramped up to provide anything not available locally, or Army supplied. A few hundred bottles of Tabasco sauce might be a good idea.
  15. My first cousin (an ADA) happened to dramatically outkick his coverage, marrying the best estate planning and probate lawyer in the region. I'm in good hands, no conflicts of interest, she agreed to take our case.
  16. Just put down my retainer and signed with the probate lawyer. Hopefully she gets things filed and we get a hearing date soon.
  17. You're the 3rd person in the last few weeks to mention a book study retreat, I'm beginning to sense a theme. Now that Joe and Charlie and Sandy Beach are at the meeting in the sky, I'm interested in finding current retreats so if you know of any I'm all ears. A weekend away from everything, focusing on the big book may be what God is telling me to do. Been going through the wringer like OMG my life is crumbling but now I've got a lot of new perspectives. Went to a noon meeting yesterday and suggested we discuss anxiety and panic and fear and the 40 year old timer went straight to page 98 of the big book, in working with others, where it says: At 11 years sober I'm guilty of making anything my higher power except, you know, God. I'll say it, I'm currently not well. I'm a dry drunk, and all my difficulties are of my own imagination and projection. I still have a propensity to make my employer, my wife, and my family my higher power. The big realization was after Dad died a few weeks ago I now realize how much I made him my higher power, in that as long as he was still alive, everything would be all right. And now he's gone and I'm in holy shit how do I do this mode, but I'm slowly getting out of it. I hate my job and I'm interviewing for positions where the pay is twice as much but the requirements very demanding and my attitude is that if God wants me at XYZ, he'll put me there and give me that high compensation. And if not, oh well, I haven't lost anything, I've learned something. I won't know til I give it a shot. That gave me great relief, and today has been better because I've been keeping that simple concept in my mind's forefront. To those of you bystanders who are either considering a change in your drinking, or who have curtailed or stopped your drinking, please understand this - ANYONE can stop drinking on their own for a certain period of time. Days, weeks, months. But without AA I can't stay stopped for any considerable period of time. I'm at least as alcoholic right now as I was when I last took a drink, the difference is that now I'm conditioned to go let AA love me back to sanity. There's no app, or personal self-discipline, or anything that is going to be successful at keeping me sober. Or, if I'm completely honest, anything other method than AA that results in a fellowship where I'm loved and get to love. SMART recovery people might not be drinking, but I don't see them having potlucks or retreats. To each their own, I know what's right for me.
  18. Adam Abdul Jabbar, Kareem's youngest, was at San Antonio Academy at the same time as my son for a year before we put both kids at Keystone. He's the kid that eventually got sent to jail for stabbing someone. I saw Kareem a few times around campus back then, seemed like quiet guy and people generally left him alone.
  19. It's called 2022, and it fucking sucks when you're having panic attacks and have a hard time dealing with self-centered fear. So many things up in the air right now, Dad died, son is deployed, daughter graduating college, house on the market, hating my job and making a dramatic career change. As y'all know, I'm a recovered alcoholic. My psychiatrist and I had a talk a few weeks back and I'm going to counseling for panic attacks and anxiety. And my wife has a bottle of Valium that was prescribed to me and dispenses half of a tablet to me when my heart starts pounding, because I'm not going to relapse over anything more remarkable than life on life's terms. It just seems to all be happening to me at once.
  20. Field research. Drinking yourself sober. Took me a total of 22 years to reach that state. One night something violent and painful and almost deadly happened and from that day on I couldn't imagine life with alcohol and have been dry ever since. Feel free to click the link https://amotaudio.com/zoom-conferences/covina-meetings/covina-speaker-meeting-2022/ , my story is #70. I recount how I decided to get sober in great detail. Northland fucking rocks. Some of the regulars drove over a few weeks ago to attend my dad's funeral. David B. is like my brother, same with Sam W, and a guy named Steve but I can't remember his last initial. That's my stomping ground, the permanent home of AA in Austin, whenever I find myself out in that vicinity.
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