Just finished a book that spoke to me as a great analog to "restless, irritable, and discontent" - Jay Glaser calls it "The Gray" which makes a lot of sense to me. He battles it using a few strategies that include service work, humor, and having a team of trusted friends to rely on when he's depressed.
Some good NFL insider stories, an overwhelming serving of stream of consciousness self-help mania, and a nod to spirituality, but definitely something useful for this alcoholic. "The Gray" clicked with me, as did using humor.
I never really thought about it, but I really rely on humor to take myself less seriously in the rooms. And I need to do it in another way because apparently I'm also an Al Anon/Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
My dad had a heart attack a few weeks ago and my sister flew in from across the country to spend a little time with him. He's at a point where he could have 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years left. My sister and I have also been avoiding serious discussions with our mother (who is NOT married to my dad, nor remarried after their divorce in the early '90) because quite frankly we were afraid of what we would find.
So the other night I said a few things to my 75 yr old mother, who has created quite a mess for herself with debt and daily wine drinking. I told her I don't answer the phone after 6pm because I'm tired of listening to her drunken spiels. She drinks every single day. My sister agreed with me.
Right over her head. She just looked at me with sadness.
I think I'm headed to Al Anon, because I'm really fucking mad and judgemental at her for being such an unmanageable wreck, when I should be loving and understanding. It's like ok my dad got sober 29 years ago, I got sober 11 years ago, why does she insist on remaining a defiant ball of pride and ego and unmanageability?
Then I clear my head and think that I'm really just pointing the finger at myself because I was the exact same way for so long. I'm going to have to learn how to use humor to shrug off the strong emotions.
She's in God's hands. I think I'll just buy her a Big Book and leave it on her living room table.