First, you learn that there is a social construct that says "don't say it, or you'll face consequences." So that starts the ball rolling on "I shouldn't say it."
Then, you realize that the social construct is complex, and you realize that being the kind of person who says that word/wants to say that word says things about you, and you realize that you don't want to be that kind of person.
Then, as you mature, gain experience, and actually gain perspective gained by truly listening to/reading the perspectives of black people, and realize how venomous and hurtful the term is when slung at them from a white mouth, you realize "Jesus, I'd never want to hurt someone like that, I'd never want to show such a lack of respect and humanity, I'd never want to attack another human's dignity like that." That is, you realize WHY using the word is wrong.
But, that's where we break down today. Because that last step is where real change happens, but it requires empathy for other human beings who have had a different life experience and perspective than you have. And in America 2025, there is no word in our culture dirtier and more shat upon than "empathy." Empathy is woke communism from the depths of hell. Instead, selfishness and performative cruelty and shittiness are where it's at, and they are the only cultural attributes of any value in this modern marketplace.
In short, you are anti-American if you DON'T sling hurtful racist slurs! America, fuck yeah!