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TexArcher

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by TexArcher

  1. You know, a lot of people are saying this is the greatest exoneration in history, believe me. Commemorative exoneration desk lamps will be available for $14,750 on Truth Social by this evening, sure to become a collector's item when I'm convicted in plus-or-minus six weeks.
  2. Isn't commenting on the gag order in public a violation of the gag order?
  3. I'm supposed to believe Donald Trump wrote this and spelled "stanchion" and "appellate" correctly? Because I definitely don't.
  4. I'm afraid he's going to win. He significantly outperformed his polling in the general election last time. And he's leading the polls this time. I'm afraid that he still has the same silent voting bloc that he had last time, and he's just going to win, without even having to steal it, which I'm sure is Plan B. I have never wanted to be wrong so badly in my entire life. I'm going to retire in another country, but I'm not ready to do it next year. P.S. Fuck Trump and fuck 100% of the idiots and evil bastards who still support him for any reason.
  5. So, I'm not a lawyer, and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express ever, so can someone let me know if it's bad when the judge tells your legal team that they're losing all credibility on Day 2? Seems bad. And embarrassing. Like something a narcissist might have an aneurysm over?
  6. Can we find an insane person, then?
  7. Or save a few bucks and shoot him against a wall?
  8. Agree 100% Might as well have just come out and said, "You can't prove that he did what he did."
  9. I mean, we should be sitting her talking about trying to finish off a sweep tomorrow and having some momentum for the trip to Wrigley. The starters will get healthy, but if the bullpen continues to be a liability, this team is going to struggle to get anywhere near .500.
  10. If the Nationals win this game, I am going to punt a homeless kitten.
  11. I was just telling a Houston buddy how weird it feels to be sitting here in April thinking welp, at least we'll be good at football...
  12. You dumbshits realize both teams can be irrelevant at the same time, right? I'm just trying to make sure you understand that last year was not the beginning of a run or something. It was a one-year rental of relevancy, and it was bought, not developed, and it was fueled by steroids. Whenever a clubhouse has a guy like Adolis Garcia, it's a safe bet that everyone is on the juice with him. See, well, the Rangers, with Jose Canseco, Rafael Palmeiro, A Roid, Juan Gonzalez, etc. It's funny that you try to call Houston aggy all the time, since Arlington was, for many years, the perfect example of cheating and not winning anyway. Hard to get more aggy than that. P.S. Arlington sucks and the rest of this state doesn't give half a shit about the Arlington Rangers. You don't represent Texas any more than the Texas Aggies (and there's no such thing). P.P.S. I don't like you.
  13. Man, you puffed up DFW douchebags sure are insufferable whenever something actually goes your way in sports. I can't wait until the Rangers are completely irrelevant again. Oh, wait, that's now.
  14. That seems to be a common trait among imbeciles.
  15. That is 100% the 1975 card. I had the Mike Schmidt.
  16. Well, then sign Ken Griffey, Jr to a one-year contract. Look at the back of his baseball card! Can't miss.
  17. This would be true, if we didn't also have the other previous 7 years of his development from top 5 prospect to minor league JAG. Hence the joke about expecting him to magically be due, somehow. Look, I hope he makes me eat my words. Maybe he's just a very late bloomer. But there's no way to describe calling this guy up in April as anything other than a flashing red light pointing to how completely fucked this staff is right now.
  18. Bringing up Whitley and his 12.00 ERA is like betting it all on red because it was black the previous 8 turns. It's like 99.925% to hit red next, obv. It's science. Analytics, if you will. Whitley's due for some shut-down innings, and we wouldn't want to waste them in the Minors, see? Jesus tapdancing Christ.
  19. Is Jesus Guzman still alive? Either way, Guzman.
  20. An aggy does not lie, cheat, or steal, or tolerate those who do. Unless it's football recruiting. Or lying about football national championships. Or cheating on wives. Or lying about cheating on wives. Or lying about how the Corps of Cadets got those red asses. Or, you know what, there are some exceptions, okay? An aggy uses his best judgment, and if he finds hisself on a morally slippery slope, he can just lie his way out of it. The important thing to remember is that aggy liberated France, okay? Get off our red asses.
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