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Scheiss Meister

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Scheiss Meister

  1. Twits like her should not be allowed to vote or reproduce. If she doesn't want her crotch goblin to see it, fine. To fuck it up for all of the other kids is outrageous.
  2. I have a vinyl album of Disney tunes that I bought with my allowance in 1966 or 1967. It was a promotional item at one of the gas stations my parents used, and cost a quarter. I don't play the vinyl record, but I long ago recorded it digitally, and still have several of the songs on my tablet for listening while at work or on the road.
  3. Oh, I like that idea. I'm gonna add that to my repertoire. I went to high school with a guy who would put sardines on engine blocks or in air intakes. Not a good smell at all.
  4. Nope, you are correct. For a while it was the longest confirmed sniper kill.
  5. Don't tie a snake to a boomerang; it might come back to bite you.
  6. Rotten egg burps can also indicate giardia (aka Beaver Fever) or criptosporidium, both waterborne diseases. Get well quick, whatever it is.
  7. Way too young. My sympathies to your family, Brat.
  8. Abbott, Patrick, et al are trying to destroy all public education and make a world where only approved people have access to only approved education. This won't just wreck Texas public education, it will eventually wreck the Texas economy. And the willfully ignorant will vote for them with gusto and enthusiasm.
  9. "Gentlemen, I admire your enthusiasm, but damn your manners!"
  10. Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad!
  11. I gave that a laugh, but a Spitfire, Mustang, or Thunderbolt would knock those Iranian drones from the sky damn fast.
  12. The article specified that these marshals would be hired in and would have to be TCLEOS certified. How many teachers who are already there hold TCLEOS certification in addition to their teaching certification? And if these marshals are patrolling the campuses, how are they going to teach classes, or remain unidentified? The whole thing seems half baked to me.
  13. I'm sorry for your loss. 45 is way too young.
  14. Yep. I kept waiting for Boris and Natasha to announce that they were going to make big trouble for moose and squirrel.
  15. Zip tie a shopping cart to the passenger side doors. If you're really motivated, cut the boots on their CV joints. Wet Jolly Ranchers and stick on their windshields and windows. Random patterns of shaving cream on the painted portions of the cars. Be creative.
  16. You know how sometimes you just take a really good dump, where everything moves smoothly and it just feels good? A couple of days ago I took a shit so good that calling it "taking a good dump" doesn't do it justice. I've finally decided that it could only be described as a fecal experience.
  17. My wife and I discussed how we would react in a scenario like this. In light of the gunfire that would immediately precede finding the young man in our yard, she would call 911 and give first aid while I stood overwatch. It's entirely fucked up that I would have to explain to my wife battlefield rules for rendering assistance to an injured person in our own fucking front yard.
  18. Mike Pence with child pornography? Does "Mother" know about this? (Yes, I know it's the other dude, but c'mon, we were all thinking it.)
  19. 1) I didn't clean up shit at that time. 2) It was far, far worse than the nastiest shit I have cleaned up. 3) The nastiest shit I have cleaned up was in my son's diaper, not at work. Damn, he had some disgusting turds. I know we didn't feed him anything that nasty.
  20. Ok, I'll compromise: 20 years, then the rope.
  21. And friend zoned the whole time. Still, she's one of the best friends I ever had.
  22. I was thankful that I didn't hear it. When I got there, my friend was sick and crying. She told me later that she had nightmares featuring that screeching for months.
  23. In college, a female friend called and asked me to look at her engine because when she started it, there was a loud thump, odd screeching noise, then the engine ran rough and didn't sound right. I went over and opened the hood on a scene of epic horror. There was blood, guts, and fur everywhere, including the carburetor intake. The only recognizable part was a torn up cat head. One of the nastiest things I ever saw. I helped clean it up, but that car never smelled right after that.
  24. No, they call it... wait for it... the Maroon and White spring game. But your suggestion is much more accurate.
  25. I was the class misfit in high school, so you couldn't pay me enough to go to a high school reunion. My junior college band has occasional reunions, and I have hit a couple of those. They were fun, but I'm no longer that interested in my past.
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