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Scheiss Meister

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Scheiss Meister

  1. Zip tie a shopping cart to the passenger side doors. If you're really motivated, cut the boots on their CV joints. Wet Jolly Ranchers and stick on their windshields and windows. Random patterns of shaving cream on the painted portions of the cars. Be creative.
  2. You know how sometimes you just take a really good dump, where everything moves smoothly and it just feels good? A couple of days ago I took a shit so good that calling it "taking a good dump" doesn't do it justice. I've finally decided that it could only be described as a fecal experience.
  3. My wife and I discussed how we would react in a scenario like this. In light of the gunfire that would immediately precede finding the young man in our yard, she would call 911 and give first aid while I stood overwatch. It's entirely fucked up that I would have to explain to my wife battlefield rules for rendering assistance to an injured person in our own fucking front yard.
  4. Mike Pence with child pornography? Does "Mother" know about this? (Yes, I know it's the other dude, but c'mon, we were all thinking it.)
  5. 1) I didn't clean up shit at that time. 2) It was far, far worse than the nastiest shit I have cleaned up. 3) The nastiest shit I have cleaned up was in my son's diaper, not at work. Damn, he had some disgusting turds. I know we didn't feed him anything that nasty.
  6. Ok, I'll compromise: 20 years, then the rope.
  7. And friend zoned the whole time. Still, she's one of the best friends I ever had.
  8. I was thankful that I didn't hear it. When I got there, my friend was sick and crying. She told me later that she had nightmares featuring that screeching for months.
  9. In college, a female friend called and asked me to look at her engine because when she started it, there was a loud thump, odd screeching noise, then the engine ran rough and didn't sound right. I went over and opened the hood on a scene of epic horror. There was blood, guts, and fur everywhere, including the carburetor intake. The only recognizable part was a torn up cat head. One of the nastiest things I ever saw. I helped clean it up, but that car never smelled right after that.
  10. No, they call it... wait for it... the Maroon and White spring game. But your suggestion is much more accurate.
  11. I was the class misfit in high school, so you couldn't pay me enough to go to a high school reunion. My junior college band has occasional reunions, and I have hit a couple of those. They were fun, but I'm no longer that interested in my past.
  12. About the same age as the T-55, too.
  13. True. How much training does it take to drive into a minefield, or the field of fire for an ATGM after all?
  14. T-55s are better than nothing, but not much. They'll be used against infantry and bunkers, where HE rounds from their guns will be somewhat effective. They're also somewhat effective against trucks and light armored vehicles, but most of the light armor Ukraine has is armed with main guns that will easily penetrate the T-55 armor. ATGMs won't have any problem with penetration, either. They are grapes waiting to be squished.
  15. Same for those I graduated with in 1979. Same as it ever was.
  16. The band name: The Beagles, Cook And The Gang, The Map Band In 1979 I was driving the family banana yellow Galaxy 500 station wagon. Despite what you might think, it was not a chick magnet. It would haul ass, though.
  17. I hear you, but think it may also be an invitation for some suspected illegals to fuck around so that they can find out.
  18. That's not about Russian comms being read. It's about Ukrainian forces using fake radio calls to get the Russians off balance. When I was a kid, the guy who owned my favorite book store was a veteran of the Bulge. He was in a combat engineer company stationed right at the front lines, since the Ardennes was a "quiet" area. Starting about a month before the German offensive, they would hear tanks moving around in their front every night. A patrol would go out to investigate, and every morning come in with a record player hooked up to a loudspeaker and a recording of German tanks moving around. It got to be routine, until one night...
  19. Abbott et al thinking that they can avoid the pardon if they can lean on the judge to throw the case out, or set a joke sentence?
  20. I got to kind of meet Dave South once. Navasota Little League didn't have a summer program, so he played in the College Station program one summer. Steve Kragthorpe was the aggy OC, and his son was on the team, so Steve helped coach. He was amazing with the boys, and had every one of them working at every position, including pitching. They all improved greatly and had a ball doing it. He had some of us dads in the stands charting pitches for pitchers and hitters. He was in the stands with me one afternoon while I charted my son's pitching when Dave South came up and started talking about the upcoming football season. Steve asked him nicely to let him finish coaching the kids' game, but South wouldn't let up. Steve had to get rude about it before a couple of dads who were aggy came over and distracted South, leading him away. I always remember South as that dick, and enjoyed his constant disappointment. Kragthorpe, on the other hand, has always had my admiration and respect.
  21. What is his owner's Surly handle?
  22. 29%
  23. Not often you get to watch your team let the game slip away twice in the same game. Nice.
  24. Baker Mayfield is a dick, true, but he has never promised to use his power of pardon to free a murderer from the consequences of his crime. No, Abbott is the worst, by a long shot.
  25. My daughter and her fiance moved to Oregon because of this shit eater and his shit eater Republican cronies. Fuck them, each and every one, and every shit head who votes for them. ETA - You just know that Abbott and the leaders of the legislature are looking for three Black Democrats to kick out of the legislature to show that they won't be outdone by Tennessee.
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