(So sorry - can't figure out how to adjust font; following is shamelessly plagiarized.)
If Trump were Captain of the Titanic:
There isn't any iceberg
It’s a fake iceberg
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean
People say it's the biggest iceberg
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly
I knew from the beginning there was an iceberg, long before people called it an iceberg
The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg
We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats
Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them
We don't have any lifeboats, we're not lifeboat distributors
Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats
I really don't think we need that many lifeboats
We have lifeboats and they're supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers' lifeboats
The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship
Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg
I'm an expert on icebergs I've got lots of friends who deal with icebergs, some of the best, really good ice people who know ice
Summer will come and the iceberg will disappear, it will go away, like magic