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"Ya know, none of this would be happening if I hadn't inherited this mess from Sleepy Joe Biden, the WORST president in HISTORY.  These two nations have been warring since the time of St Paul, who as you all know wrote my favorite Bible chapter, Corinthians 2: Judaic Boogaloo.  So, after centuries of INEFFECTIVE leadership from Pelosi and Schumer and that brown guy with the tan suit, what was his name, nevermind, doesn't matter.  You know, a lot of people are saying this is the GREATEST wartime mediation in history.  I dunno, but that's what they're saying.  What?  They're shooting again?  Well, the world will remember that for about half an hour, I, Supreme Commander Donald J Trump, Esquire provided peace and stability to the Middle East.  Drink Diet Coke -- it's got what plants crave.  I love lamp.  Thank you, and goodnight, Moscow."



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