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luke duke

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Everything posted by luke duke

  1. These are all for guests at your party: First to puke First couple to get in an argument Guest that isn’t invited back next year Who will ask the dumbest question
  2. Last week I went in our bathroom right before getting in bed and noticed that her phone was plugged in next to the sink, which was a first. Wife was already in bed. Me: Why is your phone in here and not on your nightstand? Her: I’m trying something new. I have a hard time going to sleep because I get distracted by my phone right before bed. Me: How about you just don’t pick up your phone? Her: *Looks at me like I’m an alien speaking a foreign language* Phone: *ding* (the timing was perfect) Her: Can you see who’s texting me? Me: No, I don’t want to interfere with your sleep. Her: Asshole (as she gets out of bed to check her phone) The phone has been charged on her nightstand ever since.
  3. I thought those were in case you violated Senior Citizen Rule #1: Never trust a fart.
  4. I didn’t realize that I asked a question.
  5. I’ve got 2 hidden spare keys. My wife knows about one of them and will never be told about the other one or I can guarantee you that it won’t be there if I ever need it.
  6. How long do you plan to live in he house and do you have the money to fix it?
  7. Sold yesterday. I was going to buy it if it was still available tomorrow.
  8. This is a good deal. I would buy it if I didn’t already have 2 Klose pits. It may also have a 1/2” firebox based on the amount of money he claims to have spent. https://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/app/d/dallas-custom-smoker-by-david-klose/7058645234.html
  9. You need to encourage Jimmy to create a LinkedIn page to aid in his job search. I believe that Chad Briscoe has a template that he can follow.
  10. Why would you want something on your head if you’re sweating your ass off and you’re not in the sun?
  11. Because large tubs don’t take up space.
  12. Is the plaque for the alternates still in the ladies room?
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