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Scheiss Meister

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Scheiss Meister

  1. I know shit, but I don't know this shit.
  2. One of my early jobs was at a company that made the big metal light poles you see by highways. A new welder was hired on just out of high school. He was a good guy, but not the sharpest you ever saw. One night we were sweeping up the shop, and he broke the wooden handle on his broom. One of the old-timers convinced him that he would be fired if he didn't fix that broom. He asked how he was supposed to fix it, and the old guy said, "Weld it back together. You're a welder, ain't you?" The kid, of course, questioned how one would weld wood. "With a wood rod, dummy!" So the kid went all over the shop trying to find a wood rod. He finally asked the crusty old asshole in the tool crib for a wood rod and got a 10 minute lecture on electricity, conductors, insulators, and how they pertain to welding. A few weeks later, the kid laid down inside one of the poles and fell asleep during first break. After break, when he didn't show up at his station, we were afraid something had happened to him and searched the entire shop for him. One of the other welders found him and, when he was hard to wake, welded scrap strips over both ends of the pole such that the kid couldn't get out. The kid just slept through it all. When supper break came about two hours later, he was still asleep in the pole, so a couple of the welders grabbed some scrap strips and started beating on the sides of the pole. That pole rang like a bell and, of course, woke the kid up. He had a headache and was deaf as a post the rest of the shift. But he didn't take a nap in a pole again.
  3. Old fart story coming in: Back in the early 80s I worked at a shop making light poles. One guy liked to slip out to the parking lot while everyone was working, pick a random car, and run a wire from one of the spark plug spots on the distributor cap to the driver's seat. You get in and start the car and every time that cylinder fires you get a hell of a shock if you're touching or even close to something metal, like the core of the steering wheel. The funny part is that someone returned the favor to him, but ran the wire to the passenger's bucket seat. He had no clue that his car was rigged until his girlfriend got in the car and he started it up. Cruel? Yes. Funny? Oh fuck yes!
  4. That is not where poop goes, dammit!
  5. Why is everyone asking me this since I retired?
  6. Nope. I put the items on the conveyor in the right order, even grouped together as they should be bagged. If I don't stand on top of the bagger and tell them exactly what to do, they screw it up. Every damn time. I have started just bagging my stuff myself.
  7. I love almost everything about HEB except their baggers. I have to tell them to put the frozen and refrigerated items in the insulated bags, separate soap and bug spray from produce, and not bag bread under or next to canned foods. Do the only hire morons for bagging? Do they not train them?
  8. I once put some methyl red in our toilet and waited for my wife to go pee. My 10 year old son beat her to the toilet and thought he was bleeding out through his pecker.
  9. I guess mom didn't want to pet that dawg. (Anything that reminds me of that video makes me laugh.)
  10. I don't have a shred of civility for fascist fucks like you. Fuck off.
  11. I saw pictures last night of the concert, saw all of those seats on the field, and wondered what happened to their sacred traditions? I guess that money matters more.
  12. Dnaguy covered it well. This method should save you money over the long haul.
  13. My Stingray had a higher sissy bar and was burnt orange, but otherwise that's my bike. Between the time I was 6 and 14 I bet I put 20,000 miles on that bike. Damn, those were the days. My buddies and I would get going down a hill and use the deep dip at the cross street as a jump. A really good jump took you too far, onto a gravel part of the street, and was an almost certain wipeout. I think I still shed gravel from that road today.
  14. My go to DPS office was Brenham, since it's less than 30 miles from my house and much less busy than Bryan or Hempstead. Unfortunately, a murderous asshole in an 18 wheeler put paid to that. I bet they keep the building as a HQ for the troopers, but close the licensing part.
  15. Hey, don't be dissing my theme song!
  16. I like your thinking, but alas, this was an electrician who was not under my supervision. Those who were under my supervision had learned discretion by this time. Of course, cleaning out sump pumps and such was part of that process.
  17. Don't forget that Dr. Fauci had the temerity to contradict their orange diety when he said stupid shit like the government should experiment on people by injecting bleach or Lysol into them. The Fauci-haters that I worked with mainly objected, and I quote one of them directly, "He thinks he's smarter than the President. He can't contradict the President!"
  18. Yep, that looks like it's worth hunkering down through the winter for.
  19. "Ditch pig, twat waffle, cunt faced, Neanderthal looking bitch" is my preferred nomenclature.
  20. I guess I should stop calling him Sideshow Bob now.
  21. It's fake as shit. That color guard would be at the White House or somewhere else in Washington, and the music would be the Marine Corps Band. If they were to sound like that, they'd be hung, drawn, and quartered, then sent to Diego Garcia to finish their enlistments.
  22. The choice between decency and evil, democracy and dictatorship are as binary as one can get. There is no reasonable disinterest or neutrality here. Everything else can be fixed if Biden wins, but will be permanently set in stone if Trump does. But the ignorant will do what they will and let others clean up the avoidable mess.
  23. If one being evil and doing terrible shit doesn't make the choice of the other easy, one must accept and be comfortable with the evil and terrible. Contemplate what that means about the character of the one who will choose evil and terrible by standing by and doing nothing to stop it.
  24. If you're on that bridge you do not want to hear a little Chinese kid say, "Hang on, lady. We're going for a ride."
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