Thanks for the support. It was weird sitting down and typing stuff. I was trying to provide bullet-points for perspective, but it was hard to paint an accurate picture. I completely skipped quite a few things that are driving my anger, frustration, and stress. They’re no excuses, but they are explanations for my behavior that I cannot seem to turn off.
Bottom line: the past year-and-a-half has sucked, and I have been increasingly self-medicating. I had a bleeding esophageal ulcer in October, and that mightily encouraged me to dry out for a few months. It wasn’t difficult. Not drinking isn’t hard. I have had no further health issues, and I am in decent shape (could stand to lose 20 pounds)
The last few times I’ve “gone out for a few beers”, I’ve given myself the internal pep talk, “Behave. Be sensible.” Nope. Doesn’t work. It’s hard to stop once I start. So…maybe I should just embrace the “NOT drinking isn’t hard” mentality.
I’m tempted to dismantle my bar and clear up half a room in my house for some other use.
I love Music. I have a huge music collection that actually requires attention and “curating”. I’m a classically-trained pianist married to a virtuoso violinist (and guitarist). I love to read. I love cooking. I have hobbies, interests, and a life with an awesome wife (no pics). She’s 15 years younger than me, and I have every incentive to live to be a thriving old fart.
I guess I know what I need to do, huh?