Bachelor/Bachelorette/Paradise Catch-All

[Go Pokes 979]

Pretty sure she's just latching onto him to make sure she gets a rose.  She'll drop him like a hot plate after the rose ceremony.  Hopefully he cries and complains like she would.  

She may want to hang onto him. She is vastly overrating herself. Like Carly with Evan, she should just lower her standards and settle.

[henrygandorf 28618]

ok, so i've been avoiding this thread since i was behind, but as of last night, i'm current, so here goes...

-4 hours and no roses.  welcome back, bip, i have missed you

-so much of "the blake show" that there seemed to be a ton of dudes/chicks that got little to no screen time.  there also seemed to be a much bigger initial group, and that's good.

-as for the blake show, so funny to see his reactions to girls walking down the stairs and then later hear him say, "oh, no, i was totally excited when Kristina came down."  dude, stop.  we all saw your pouting.  also, he's a terrible actor.  he tried to ride high and get a second good date on the books, then once kristina confronted him, he turned full bitch.  then once he got back, caelynn sits him down, and he tried so hard to act upset.  stick to reality, my dude, nobody is buying your dramatic turn.

-speaking of caelynn, lulz at "i really don't want to talk about blake, it's kind of a secret."  <<goes to grab onyeka>> "ok, here's everything that happened."  <<goes to grab sydney>>, repeat the process.

-she didn't talk to one dude for 3 days.  she just pouted about blake.  obviously she goes to cam at the last minute, because that's how bip works.  they deserve each other, and it kinda works for me...but obviously other dudes will roll in.  also her buildup and inevitable meltdown was fucking classic bip.  she was shaking as blake walked around like he owned the beach.

-hannah is a little hussie.  i mean, most of them are, but she obviously had a thing for blake since the texting/dm'ing over the past months, but she wandered off to make out with wills twice, then is all up in blake's business.  which is a smart move by blake, because his name is poison with many of the other chicks.

-sidenote - i know since social media started, these people have access to each other (and a bunch of them live in la, so i get it, you can't stop it).  and also after the corinne incident, big groups of them were stuck in cities like houston, and got to know each other - fine.  but they've never been so brazenly out in the open about all the relationships they've been carrying on before the show started.  sucks for people like dylan who are months behind trying to get in good with these chicks.  also, could stagecoach have had a better couple nights?  i bet the google search spiked harder than ever.

-for those who don't know, stagecoach is country coachella - it's in the same place, a week later than 2nd weekend of coachella, and chicks wear their cowboy boots.  i don't know who put that trip together (or organized house rentals in palm springs) but they've provided most of the drama in paradise so far.

-kristina continues to be one of my favorite contestants.  she's plenty hot, but with attitude.  other than her repeated bullshit with dean, she stands up for herself.  takes balls to waste a date card just to give blake a "what-for".  he was so bummed.  then she goes straight to tayshia.  she did more blake damage in an hour than 3 full days of caelynn pouting into the confessional camera.

-the caelynn texts are very telling.  hard to figure out the exact timeline, i might need prezbo and a chalkboard and some headshots and yarn.  i'm thinking blake "dated" caeylnn for a few months, then ghosted her.  then "dated" kristina after that, then banged kristina at stagecoach, then banged caelynn the next night?  also what an idiot.  when someone says the word 'mistake', you need to say, "no no, what i meant is that when we got drunk and hooked up, that was a mistake, but of course you're not a mistake."  but he couldn't even lie right.

 -dylan.  good lord dude, get it together.  you can't fall that hard that fast and continue to tell hannah that's how you're feeling.  recipe for disaster, and he needs to find a plan b immediately.  she obviously needed the attention once blake chose tayshia, so good work with the swoop, but man, he is headed for trouble.  also his smile is super-villain creepy.

-i love how there's always early couples.  1-2 may last, but most will go full train wreck and someone will certainly be "blindsided" (everybody drink).

-oh annaliese, never stop being you.  this should be its own subsection.  she's 34, which is like 80 in bachelor years.  she shouldn't be there, but of course she is.  so she latches on to the oldest dude (32) who sorta pays attention to her, but obviously has options.  once they sort of casually agree that they're interested in each other, kristina comes to chat with him, while annaliese is in the foreground talking about "their connection."  something like, "well, it's not that each for everyone to find a connection like i did."  straight out of the fucking annaliese playbook from a couple pages ago, good fucking god.

-then, she confronts clay.  um, ok.  obviously it was weighing on her, but, why?  she gets all emotional about it, for seemingly no reason, but luckily clay was stern and let her know how misinformed she was - something every best friend of a dumped girl needs to hear at some point.  what would've been great is if she was like, "i think clay is kinda sketchy, because he was dating my friend, and then....wait, what did blake do?  on consecutive nights?  oh, ok, nevermind, clay is fine."

-this all brought on the line of the week from demi, "i think grandma is off her meds."  her shitty, judgey look while annaliese was explaining herself was fucking glorious.  she was just saying what literally everyone else was thinking.  demi is like aziz's character in parks and rec - if you're older than 30, you're a grandpa, and if you're an actual grandpa, you're dead.

-i didn't really expect demi to be an early couple candidate, but i guess that's how derek rolls.  will be interesting when/how she introduces the fact that she's in a committed relationship...with a woman.  she is the polar opposite of derek's last chick, so i think that's good.  she was annoying.  also demi needs to not come down to the beach without makeup.  she looks like a 12 year old boy.  and katie, who is still hot (needs nosejob), also should put a little makeup on if a camera is around.  come on, people, i'm in hd over here.

-john paul jones needs to figure his shit out.  there are plenty of good options, don't go wading in the onyeka/jane pond.  it's fun to watch the girls get desperate and target the undecideds, but he can do better.

-oh bibiana.  i like her sassy attitude, but this is the exact script she always follows.  find one dude, focus only on him, give it a shot, then fail, then cry.  

-wells is basically a producer.  "what i think is happening is blah blah blah, and what you need to do is blah blah."  someone said he comes from some rich oil family.  not sure if that's true.  but his life seems pretty fun right now.

-3 girls will get sent home.  onyeka, sydney, jane do not need to be there.  that should be the obvious group.  but bibiana is in the mix if jpj chooses one of those first 3.  i assume katie is going to eventually pair up with the dude from hannah's season who went and got all jacked?  i have no idea, i haven't seen her talk to anyone or seen him at all.  and what happens to annaliese if chris chooses kristina?  and who is wills targeting?  i like that dude.

-the order of the roses will be interesting for dylan, blake, hannah, tayshia, annaliese, etc.

-after colton (young) and hannah (young) i figured this bip would be good for drama and have good looking people - so many under 25, way more than normal.  should be a good season, but the "stuff that happened before the show" still annoys me, and i wish there was a better way to control it.  but it's part of the narrative now i guess, so we're screwed.

 

-reality hg

[spystud13 2371]

Holy fuck. 

[henrygandorf 28618]

the astros are off and i'm on a deadline.  this is what happens.

[C-Man 26535]

Any guesses as to who it is that gets in the fight on the beach later? Maybe it's somebody that's not even there yet.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2718]

Dylan.  His vaginitis flares uncontrollably and he becomes enraged at Blake.  

2 hours ago, henrygandorf said:

and katie, who is still hot (needs nosejob),

Spot on.  

[Mac8111 2096]

That is a lot of words ......


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[Beau Vine 53625]

5 hours ago, spystud13 said:

Holy fuck. 

If not for the paragraphs, I would have thought that was a Derka rant.  Except it was longer.  

[henrygandorf 28618]

i stopped and started a lot, while doing other things, and didn't really realize how long it was getting.  probably better viewed on the website than tapa.

i regret nothing.

[youdunnf'dup 2147]

There’s a big part of me that feels bad for Dylan, but Jesus fucking Christ man lol. You either need to cast a wider net, or take more of an initiative. He’s an easy target to get walked all over by the guys and the girls on this show. 

Also, I don’t see the appeal in Blake. In terms of guys on this show, I feel like he’s an average looking dude. I would think there are other guys on the show that the girls would find more attractive.

Also, Nicole and Tayshia are fucking smoke. 

Lol John Paul Jones

This fucking show, man. 

[Beau Vine 53625]

8 hours ago, youdunnf'dup said:

Lol John Paul Jones

This fucking show, man. 

I kind of liked him at first, but he has turned into a fucking caricature.

I think they're dying to make him the next Bachelor.  

[spystud13 2371]

Nicole really has improved since her season. 

[spystud13 2371]

Goddamnit, Sydney & Katie both live. 

[spystud13 2371]

Annaliese, Bibiana, & Jane is a fair compromise though. 

[Vito Andolini 9036]

Watching the aggy is so uncomfortable 

[spystud13 2371]

I changed it after the first commercial, will finish later, but what would have happened if Tayshia turned down Blake’s rose? Would he have had to pick another girl, & then she goes home if the last dude doesn’t pick her? 

[Vito Andolini 9036]

Yes, you need a rose or stay

[Vito Andolini 9036]

OMG, Katie is batshit crazy!

[Go Pokes 979]

Mike still owning Cam.

[Mac8111 2096]

How did Cam and Analyse not hook up ??? Would have been the supernova of BIP relationships.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

On 8/9/2019 at 11:58 AM, youdunnf'dup said:

There’s a big part of me that feels bad for Dylan, but Jesus fucking Christ man lol. You either need to cast a wider net, or take more of an initiative. He’s an easy target to get walked all over by the guys and the girls on this show. 

 

 

Dylan is clueless. 

Don't read if you don't know what happens later in the season

Spoiler

No way he and Hannah last 

Also Jordan is a complete tool.

[youdunnf'dup 2147]

I’m afraid to click on that spoiler tab. Were you referring to last nights episode, or something that happens later in the season?

And my god, man. Cam is one of the more cringe worthy contestants on this shows history. Everything he does.

Also, I’m sure Mike is a good dude off this show, but he is corny as fuck. He was corny on the bachelorette too.

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

6 minutes ago, youdunnf'dup said:

I’m afraid to click on that spoiler tab. Were you referring to last nights episode, or something that happens later in the season?

And my god, man. Cam is one of the more cringe worthy contestants on this shows history. Everything he does.

Also, I’m sure Mike is a good dude off this show, but he is corny as fuck. He was corny on the bachelorette too.

 

Later in the season. DO NOT CLICK if you don't want to know what happens later. 

[henrygandorf 28618]

while dylan definitely is a sad puppy dog just waiting to get kicked, cam...holy hell.

i guess he had his sights set on caelynn before they got down there, but his 36 hour journey from, "hey i'm cam" to "i'm positive you're the only person i want to be with forevers and let's get married and i wrote you this note to let you know i'll always defend you" was some 15 year-old-girl level nonsense.  he looked like he was about to drown himself in the ocean.

also, of course he has a personal beef with mike - the most universally liked guy on the show.  idiot.

back to dylan - i know there are feelings, and he's 24, and they've been drinking, but have some self respect, dude.  grab kristina, go get drunk, and then when hannah inevitably shows up, be like, "oh, hey heather, how are things?"  it's not that fucking difficult.  drop her like third period french.

i counted 3 "blindsided" and 2 "all-in" last night.  hope everyone survived.

biggest loser rankings this week:

1. jordan

2. annaliese (she would've finished first, but she's such a loser)

[henrygandorf 28618]

also demi and katie need to start wearing makeup during the day.  sheesh.  i almost had to switch my settings back to sd for that shit.  don't they know that's when new doods are wandering down the steps?

[Lat22 3941]

As a man, I feel bad for Dylan. Jesus. How many times are you going to “take her back” after she goes off and makes out with somebody else? Grow a pair.

Cam is the male Annaliese.

[C-Man 26535]

1 hour ago, henrygandorf said:

while dylan definitely is a sad puppy dog just waiting to get kicked, cam...holy hell.

i guess he had his sights set on caelynn before they got down there, but his 36 hour journey from, "hey i'm cam" to "i'm positive you're the only person i want to be with forevers and let's get married and i wrote you this note to let you know i'll always defend you" was some 15 year-old-girl level nonsense.  he looked like he was about to drown himself in the ocean.

also, of course he has a personal beef with mike - the most universally liked guy on the show.  idiot.

back to dylan - i know there are feelings, and he's 24, and they've been drinking, but have some self respect, dude.  grab kristina, go get drunk, and then when hannah inevitably shows up, be like, "oh, hey heather, how are things?"  it's not that fucking difficult.  drop her like third period french.

i counted 3 "blindsided" and 2 "all-in" last night.  hope everyone survived.

biggest loser rankings this week:

1. jordan

2. annaliese (she would've finished first, but she's such a loser)

Cam is aggy through and through. He's a dork, who thinks very highly of himself. He's out of his fucking league in the Bachelor universe -- and that's really, really sad. Bold actions can often be rewarded on these shows but you've also got to know when to let the game come to you. Don't manufacture shots. The notes he wrote for Caelynn were cringey-as-fuck.

His beef with Mike was the end of a run of bad behavior of Hannah's season such as showing up at a group date he wasn't invited to squirrel her away for a few minutes. Then after all of that, he basically cried wolf on the tailgate episode when he was like, "Guys, please respect me and give me a few minutes to tell her some very sensitive things about myself" and they were like, nah, you've used up all your goodwill to this point. Then he told her about his grandmother dying, having to leave a new puppy at home and then nearly losing his leg or something. It was pretty pathetic. Dude, I know you were coddled at aggy but that's life pal.

1 hour ago, henrygandorf said:

also demi and katie need to start wearing makeup during the day.  sheesh.  i almost had to switch my settings back to sd for that shit.  don't they know that's when new doods are wandering down the steps?

Agreed. And Demi needs to 86 those big, dumb glasses. It's contacts from here on out. Her transformation from villain to Bachelor Universe-darling has been remarkable. Remember back to how she was on Colton's season. She was a twat -- a good-looking one albeit. I don't think she's near as attractive as she was during that season but, hey, she's cool now, I guess.

10 minutes ago, Lat22 said:

As a man, I feel bad for Dylan. Jesus. How many times are you going to “take her back” after she goes off and makes out with somebody else? Grow a pair.

Cam is the male Annaliese.

I haven't read the spoilers but there's no way this can end well for Dylan. Poor bastard is about to get run over by a truck.

From the moment she broke down and started crying during the Demolition Derby episode (Arie's season, maybe) Annaliese has been just turrible on all fronts and I hope she never returns to my television set.

[Lat22 3941]

Maybe if BIP starts a Senior Tour.

[henrygandorf 28618]

29 minutes ago, C-Man said:

Cam is aggy through and through.

looking forward to tonight's episode, where cam doesn't get sent home, he just runs out of roses.

[youdunnf'dup 2147]

Yeah, I kinda assumed Demi would be more attractive without makeup on. She’s still way out of my league lol, but there is a drastic difference with and without makeup IMO. 

[henrygandorf 28618]

also it's gonna be hilarious when cam is back in austin trying to use his tv stardom to bang chicks, and having the chicks be like, "wait, i thought all you wanted was marriage and a family, isn't that what you were on tv crying about?" 

[babysdaddy 2708]

Jordan!!!!!!!

[C-Man 26535]

I’m behind but Jordan and Demi’s answer to their own question about who gets a rose: “A-B-C! Anybody But Cam!”

LOFL

[Vito Andolini 9036]

This whole season is feeling like a work by Fleiss & Co. 

But keep focusing on Tayshia’s titties, and I’m ok.

[Beau Vine 53625]

3 hours ago, C-Man said:

I’m behind but Jordan and Demi’s answer to their own question about who gets a rose: “A-B-C! Anybody But Cam!”

LOFL

Having a segment where Jordan and Demi crack on everyone needs to be a permanent segment.

[spystud13 2371]

They were trending all-fucking-over Twitter tonight. 

[henrygandorf 28618]

take away the two worst laughs on network television and that segment would rule. 

[Go Pokes 979]

8 hours ago, henrygandorf said:

take away the two worst laughs on network television and that segment would rule. 

Yeah Jordan isn't nearly clever enough to keep up with Demi.   His job should be to sit there and laugh a lot at what she says.   Chris is so old that Jordan saw formaldehyde in his suitcase.  I don't know shit about formaldehyde, but why the hell would an old person be carrying it around.   

Shit like that just drives me up the wall.   Poorly constructed joke.  The word you were looking for was Geritol you dumbass.  Also, Mike's toast to Cailynn - here's to possible our first last date.  Dammit dude.  It's last first date.  Get that shit right.   

[henrygandorf 28618]

20 minutes ago, Go Pokes said:

Yeah Jordan isn't nearly clever enough to keep up with Demi.   His job should be to sit there and laugh a lot at what she says.   Chris is so old that Jordan saw formaldehyde in his suitcase.  I don't know shit about formaldehyde, but why the hell would an old person be carrying it around.   

Shit like that just drives me up the wall.   Poorly constructed joke.  The word you were looking for was Geritol you dumbass.  Also, Mike's toast to Cailynn - here's to possible our first last date.  Dammit dude.  It's last first date.  Get that shit right.   

when my wife said, "why formaldehyde" i said, "i think he means geritol or something, because he's old."  so yeah, same page and all that.  he barely could  get the joke out before shrieking like it was the most hilarious thing ever said.

also from quick glances, it looks like chris is in better shape than jordan, at least at the time of the filming.  he's 32 - the same age as derek and 2 years younger than annaliese.  the cam bit was hilarious though.

[C-Man 26535]

1 hour ago, Go Pokes said:

Yeah Jordan isn't nearly clever enough to keep up with Demi.   His job should be to sit there and laugh a lot at what she says.   Chris is so old that Jordan saw formaldehyde in his suitcase.  I don't know shit about formaldehyde, but why the hell would an old person be carrying it around.   

Shit like that just drives me up the wall.   Poorly constructed joke.  The word you were looking for was Geritol you dumbass.  Also, Mike's toast to Cailynn - here's to possible our first last date.  Dammit dude.  It's last first date.  Get that shit right.   

 

52 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

when my wife said, "why formaldehyde" i said, "i think he means geritol or something, because he's old."  so yeah, same page and all that.  he barely could  get the joke out before shrieking like it was the most hilarious thing ever said.

also from quick glances, it looks like chris is in better shape than jordan, at least at the time of the filming.  he's 32 - the same age as derek and 2 years younger than annaliese.  the cam bit was hilarious though.

Part of Jordan's charm -- it was so bad it was irritating last summer -- is his constant mixing up words and flat-out making up words from time to time. I can't tell if he's Derek Zoolander-level stupid or doing it as a joke sometimes.

As far as Mike's toast went, based on Dean's entry it seems Mike might've been right calling it the "first last date." Rock me.

Edited August 14, 2019 by C-Man

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

10 hours ago, Vito Andolini said:

This whole season is feeling like a work by Fleiss & Co. 

But keep focusing on Tayshia’s titties, and I’m ok.

 

Well since Producers/Demi knew from the very beginning that they would be bringing on her GF who has never appeared on an episode of the Bachelor/ette/Paradise I think your feelings might be right. 

Some of it is annoying but it's entertaining watching idiots make fools of themselves on national TV so they can gain Instagram followers. 

[henrygandorf 28618]

it's also super fucking annoying that so much of this season has been drama caused by non-paradise shenanigans that happened before filming.

two of the main storylines (both involving blake) are basically sponsored by instagram and dm's.  the blake-stagecoach situation.  and then blake going to birmingham to see hannah (but just to have a conversation and kiss once, lulz).  those two have overlapped about half of the cast and affected almost everyone down there.

i get that it's unavoidable, and this season they've been forced to lean into it, but they need to do something about it for next year.  it needs to be a hardline, "we would like you to be on paradise, but if we find out you've been communicating or hanging out in person with others on our cast list, you will not be coming."

last night when christian came in, one of the girls was like, "i didn't even know who that was."  yeah, that's the whole point.  you're supposed to meet and hang out with brand new people on bip, not be fucking shocked when someone comes in that you don't know the complete backstory on and have already spent nights with in la and indio.

[Chuckie Finster 22253]

33 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

and then blake going to birmingham to see hannah (but just to have a conversation and kiss once, lulz).  

Hannah telling this story to Dylan was gold.  "He flew to Birmingham ... (pause).... and then we met up ... (really long pause)... and then he left."

[henrygandorf 28618]

and to expand on it - in years past, they would always show the contestants lists or photos, and see who they were interested in - which was great, because they could time the drama with arrivals.  and of course, these people were on tv, so they sorta "knew" each other, from what they saw.  especially people like dean who were on bip before.

but now you have people like kristina, who sets up a date with blake, just to talk about stagecoach and caelynn.  kind of a buzzkill this season.

[youdunnf'dup 2147]

Cam. Oooh Cam. 

“Oh, I forgot about you, Cam.”

”yeah, everyone does” 

[Go Pokes 979]

1 hour ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Well since Producers/Demi knew from the very beginning that they would be bringing on her GF who has never appeared on an episode of the Bachelor/ette/Paradise I think your feelings might be right. 

Some of it is annoying but it's entertaining watching idiots make fools of themselves on national TV so they can gain Instagram followers. 

Demi isn't really there "for the right reasons" and the producers were just fine for it.  I feel like they asked her what boy toy she'd like to make out with for a few weeks while she makes hilarious comments.  She's there to do what she's doing and it's great.  Gramma must be off her meds.  Anyone but Cam.  I don't care if she eventually gets married.  They still need to keep bringing her back.  

Now the flip side of this is we should expect at least one Demi clone every season on the franchise going forward.  If they got the game, bring it.  But I suspect they will be shitty knockoffs without the sense of humor and it will all just come out bitchy.  

[Vito Andolini 9036]

I’m sure it’s crossed someone’s mind to do a Demi half dudes/half chicks Bachelorette, but MTV beat them to the punch 12 years ago with the alien (space, not the other kind), Tila Tequila.

[Gravy Train 969]

2 hours ago, C-Man said:

Part of Jordan's charm -- it was so bad it was irritating last summer -- is his constant mixing up words and flat-out making up words from time to time. I can't tell if he's Derek Zoolander-level stupid or doing it as a joke sometimes.

Doesn't make a shit, Jordan's gone now, thanks to that pinata stunt.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and his call out on Espadrilles-- which now I realize are synonymous for loafers.

[spystud13 2371]

I don’t have the first fucking clue who this Tanner cat is, but her reply is fun. 

 

 

[henrygandorf 28618]

tanner "found love" on bip 2-3 years ago.  got with one of the hottest chicks there on the first day, and now they're married with a couple kids i think.  seemed like a pretty good dude.

is the comparison because they have someone back home that they kept a secret?  or that they're potentially in this for their own notoriety and "in it for the wrong reasons"?

he's definitely got a point, but the stupid bickering between two people in the "bachelor-verse" is next level retarded.