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C-Man

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WTF did I just watch? A weird mid-season, catch-up/wrap-up Show? So I guess she bailed in Riga and they didn’t have content for the last 40 mins of this episode? Just bizarre.

Hannah is one dumb bitch. It’s obvious she’s looking for any reason to choose Luke’s dumbass. She’s like a battered wife. You hate the drama but that could be solved with one action. Unreal.

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2 hours ago, C-Man said:

WTF did I just watch? A weird mid-season, catch-up/wrap-up Show? So I guess she bailed in Riga and they didn’t have content for the last 40 mins of this episode? Just bizarre.

Hannah is one dumb bitch. It’s obvious she’s looking for any reason to choose Luke’s dumbass. She’s like a battered wife. You hate the drama but that could be solved with one action. Unreal.

all of this what the hell. it was like i was 12 years old and excited for family ties but it ended up being a flashback episode. 

she’s 100% brought this on herself by letting luke change the rules. idiot. 

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At one point, it seemed they wanted to sell the nighttime sit down with Harrison as taking place in Latvia, a snapshot of where her head was at the time, but later, they just gave up and used an exterior of the California mansion before resuming the fucking clip show, so it’s evident they simply taped that after they returned to the states... shit, it could have been done last week. There were also some really bad dubs of CH’s voice, one they even edited under video of him in a two-shot that looked and sounded like a Godzilla movie. Really weird, may have to check out Reality Steve.

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all of this what the hell. it was like i was 12 years old and excited for family ties but it ended up being a flashback episode. 
she’s 100% brought this on herself by letting luke change the rules. idiot. 


And it just kept going and going and going. So bizarre.
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1 hour ago, Mac8111 said:

Last night was terrible.


She LOVES grinding up on the dudes. I am hoping fantasy suites becomes some sordid threeway.

She's kissed five guys in her life she said to Chris. Does that include the three she knocked out in one night during a cocktail party?

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if the previews are any indication, she's gonna bang at least one guy before fantasy suites.

and luke p, who somehow will make it pretty late in the game (per the previews), has his meltdown because he thinks she's only getting "intimate" with him?

he was also the one who saw her making out with another guy and had that holy shit shocked face, even though she had made out with 6-7 of the guys by that point.  it always happens with the early front runner - they think they're the only one she's interested in at all and are just blown away when they realize they're wrong.

is there any chance "the guy with the ring in his pocket" isn't luke p?

it definitely seems like there are likely several guys still dealing with the whole "if you have feelings for someone like luke p, then i don't know if i can be into you" situation.  i really really really hope they end up together, because the fallout will be epic.  but on the other hand, it would keep him from bip, and i'm not ok with that.

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I’m happy to be spoiled while watching this show, so I go to realitysteve.com every season for the lulz. He’s right most of the time, and if he has to correct something, it’s usually mid season. 

To explain some of HG’s questions, I will provide a spoilered response below. I won’t reveal the “winner.” Again, this is a spoiler, so open only if you want some info on what hasn’t aired. And no, RS hasn't mentioned the guy with the ring.

Spoiler

Believe it or not, Luke makes it to final four hometown dates, and poor indecisive Hannah can’t decide whom to cut among Luke, Jed, Tyler and Pilot Boy (is it Peter?), so she has FOUR fantasy suite dates. And poor Luke draws the short straw, and gets sloppy fourths. When they are on their fantasy date, he tells Hannah that he doesn’t plan to sleep with her, that’s reserved for marriage, and that’s when she blows up and tells him she’s already had sex, Jesus still loves her, and get the fuck out now.

So, she may have waited to have sex until the sweet fantasy suites, and may have knocked out Jed, Tyler and Peter. But not our hero, Luke.

 

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She is my favorite because of the reek of desperation she has each week.  Demi will steam roll over her multiple times and it will be glorious. 

 

Who in the fuck decided any of us want to see Nicole on BIP?  She has that constant look of needing to let a fart out but is terrified it might be a wet one...

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50 minutes ago, Vito Andolini said:

I’m happy to be spoiled while watching this show, so I go to realitysteve.com every season for the lulz. He’s right most of the time, and if he has to correct something, it’s usually mid season. 

To explain some of HG’s questions, I will provide a spoilered response below. I won’t reveal the “winner.” Again, this is a spoiler, so open only if you want some info on what hasn’t aired. And no, RS hasn't mentioned the guy with the ring.

  Reveal hidden contents

Believe it or not, Luke makes it to final four hometown dates, and poor indecisive Hannah can’t decide whom to cut among Luke, Jed, Tyler and Pilot Boy (is it Peter?), so she has FOUR fantasy suite dates. And poor Luke draws the short straw, and gets sloppy fourths. When they are on their fantasy date, he tells Hannah that he doesn’t plan to sleep with her, that’s reserved for marriage, and that’s when she blows up and tells him she’s already had sex, Jesus still loves her, and get the fuck out now.

So, she may have waited to have sex until the sweet fantasy suites, and may have knocked out Jed, Tyler and Peter. But not our hero, Luke.

 

 

Yep and it's going to be amazing.

 

Spoiler

I can only assume based on the editing they are setting Luke up to look like a total fucking asshole and the "slut shaming" of Hannah isn't going to go over well with the young female empowered crowd that is their core demo. I don't feel bad for Luke as he is an asshat but he probably should just move out of the country now for a bit. 

 

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I only saw part of last night as I fell asleep due to the boredom.  The Luke exit and return was terribly played out.  Like Hannah is just going to sit by the window staring out, although she probably did get distracted by a leaf or something small that was moving.  

If the above spoiler is true, that's great.  Luke already looks like a sad puppy that has a max of 10-15 words in his vocabulary so if he finds out the others guys banged her while he didn't, he may explode.  

 

As for BIP, if Onyeka is on the beach she will smell like Fritos even more.  

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Look liked they really telegraphed the final two -- Peter the Pilot and ???? (maybe it was Tyler or Connor) -- and I have to think the guy there with a ring in his pocket is Luke P. The golfer guy (Grant, I think) was in a pretty good spot until he lit himself on fire last night.

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1 hour ago, Mac8111 said:

She is my favorite because of the reek of desperation she has each week.  Demi will steam roll over her multiple times and it will be glorious. 

 

Who in the fuck decided any of us want to see Nicole on BIP?  She has that constant look of needing to let a fart out but is terrified it might be a wet one...

Ugh, her and Bibiana?

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not to mention the dudes from the current season of bachelorette who they’re obviously not going to list. 

there’s a constant stream of “cast leaks” and there will still be surprises. 

she started drama on a live tv show. you really think that made her less desirable?

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Nicole is going because Oneyka is going. Courtney will tell the producers who she’s into and the producers will tell Demi so she can stake her claim before Courtney gets there. Courtney won’t last a week and will leave in tears after being owned by Demi.

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they need to get better at timing and strategy to increase drama.  a couple years ago it was perfectly orchestrated, but the last year or so, it was boring.

and the way you're describing it is the opposite of how it typically goes down.

what you do (if you're team demi) is have courtney be into some guy who's more into demi, but not have demi there yet.  then when they're coming back from some date, demi shows up and steals him away.  that's how bip works when it actually works.  there's always some dude who's waiting on a chick, but hangs with some backup plan until his dreamgirl arrives.

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18 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

they need to get better at timing and strategy to increase drama.  a couple years ago it was perfectly orchestrated, but the last year or so, it was boring.

and the way you're describing it is the opposite of how it typically goes down.

what you do (if you're team demi) is have courtney be into some guy who's more into demi, but not have demi there yet.  then when they're coming back from some date, demi shows up and steals him away.  that's how bip works when it actually works.  there's always some dude who's waiting on a chick, but hangs with some backup plan until his dreamgirl arrives.

 

Spoiler

That's going to be a problem since supposedly Demi comes out as bisexual this season and they bring her GF on the show for the last half of the season together. 

 

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20 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

they need to get better at timing and strategy to increase drama.  a couple years ago it was perfectly orchestrated, but the last year or so, it was boring.

and the way you're describing it is the opposite of how it typically goes down.

what you do (if you're team demi) is have courtney be into some guy who's more into demi, but not have demi there yet.  then when they're coming back from some date, demi shows up and steals him away.  that's how bip works when it actually works.  there's always some dude who's waiting on a chick, but hangs with some backup plan until his dreamgirl arrives.

Yeah, BiP needs a bounce-back in the worst way. The bitch from Miami ruined the season two years ago and last year seemed much tamer because of that fuck-up (less booze, etc).

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Just read a BIP spoiler, and I’m not giving anything away, but the first week is supposed to be insane.

(OK, maybe my comment will reveal too much if you want to be completely unspoiled, so I’ll cover it up. But it’s not too much of a spoiler, so it’s think it’s ok to read. No names spoiler in the first block, followed by the name of the main player in the second):

Spoiler

One fella couldn’t keep from stringing along/banging four or five women the past few weeks in the real world (he was with three different women during the recent Stagecoach Music Festival, then flew to spend the weekend with a different woman), and dummy, they all talk. He’ is apparently going to come off looking like a massive douche.

Name of the offender:

Spoiler

Blake Horstmann, the goody two-shoes runner up in Becca’s season

 

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I will say that the scene in the 1-on-1 with Luke where she gets frustrated and walks away was the best scene of the season. He tells the camera that "they're working through things and it's going well," and then they cut to her asking the producers if they can talk to him.  

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Dry humping while on top is Hannah’s go to. I can dig it. 
“Stay in your lane” conversation was pure hilarity. And it was awesome when Chris Harrison walked in wearing his Frankenstein’s monster outfit.


“Don’t text and drive.” Wife and I lost it at that line.
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Garrett is a pot stirrer of the highest order and pretty douchey.


Yeah, as big a fuckup as Luke is, he’s not entirely wrong that Garrett — and Hannah both — brought up the naked bungee jumping.

Garrett is/was in a good place but might wind up lighting himself on fire at this rate. Luke is going to be gone at some point. If she picks him ultimately — no chance — then she’s so damaged, she’s doing you a favor.
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14 hours ago, Chuckie Finster said:

Luke has to be an actor/director plant. He’s just too much.

It dawned on me last night that this has to be true.  Remember that Hannah was Colton's first 1-on-1 date and it went awful because she couldn't even fucking talk or think?  But he kept her around because he thought she was hawt even though she had a running conflict with someone else in the house he liked better that caused all sorts of drama?  So Luke P was hired by producers to play the role of Hannah in this go-round.  He's stupid as hell, but Hannah keeps him around in spite of all the drama he causes just because she loves his body.  She's too stupid to recognize the male version of herself.  

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1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

It dawned on me last night that this has to be true.  Remember that Hannah was Colton's first 1-on-1 date and it went awful because she couldn't even fucking talk or think?  But he kept her around because he thought she was hawt even though she had a running conflict with someone else in the house he liked better that caused all sorts of drama?  So Luke P was hired by producers to play the role of Hannah in this go-round.  He's stupid as hell, but Hannah keeps him around in spite of all the drama he causes just because she loves his body.  She's too stupid to recognize the male version of herself.  

Nah. It's scary to think she's got more depth than he does because she's dumb as a stump. I wouldn't be surprised if the producers have helped facilitate keeping him around since he's about the only thing controversial about this show. I did enjoy Chris pulling her aside last night and asking Hannah what it was she liked about him. I can't remember her exact response but it was something like "I'm either falling in love or I'm going crazy."

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These have been pretty good recaps:

Quote

Thank you, ABC. Thank you for finally doing your job and delivering an actual episode of The Bachelorette. I don’t ask much, I just want two one-on-one dates, a simple and charming group date, and a goddamn rose ceremony. Yes, we got a little drama — which we’re going to definitely get into because Luke has apparently been possessed by the spirit of a 7th Heaven episode — but this episode represents the low bar for a remotely entertaining episode. The Bachelorette, there is a very short list of things you’re supposed to achieve with any given episode, and chief among them “don’t be a clip show.” Congratulations on barely meeting my expectations.

While the actual show is doing what it’s supposed to do, we have to talk about Hannah. Dear, sweet, precious teacup-pig-in-a-party dress Hannah. How is a Southern woman like a teacup pig in a party dress? Because they’re sweet, petite, and are the other white meat!

Can we just let Hannah bang? Because that’s clearly what she wants to do. We’re getting close to the end now and I still don’t know a single thing about these dudes. What motivates Jed, besides playing his hit single “Mr. Right Comma Girl” on national television? What’s the most important thing in the world to Garrett? What makes Dylan smile? What is a Dylan? All I know is that Hannah is absolutely willing and ready to straddle these dudes in some of the most allegedly romantic locations across Europe. If we just let Hannah bang Luke, all of this would be over, because then she might realize that men who spout 12th-century rules of female decorum and claim God talks to them in the shower probably don’t know where the clitoris is.

Let’s get to it.

We’re still in Riga, Latvia, and everyone is walking around the parts of the city that were built before the 1980s and talking about how beautiful it is. The Board of Tourism would like you to know that Riga starts with the same letter as “romantic.”

The contesticles scream Hannah’s name into the Baltic air and it’s time for the first date of the week. Garrett gets the first date card and meets Hannah in the woods. Two thirds of the dates this week start with one of these guys walking deep into the Latvian woods. This is the beginning of a Latvian fairy-tale that ends with someone trapped in a metal box in the woods, listening to a witch sing a Lettish folk song.

Hannah and Garrett come across a river and a bridge and a troll points to the sky. They see a cable car and out jumps two naked-ass people strapped to each other. This is apparently a Latvian tradition, even though modern bungee jumping was invented in 1979. All of the world’s best traditions began in the late ’70s: Listening to ABBA on Christmas morning, taking your Pet Rock for a stroll, and bungee jumping.

For something that should be sexy and funny and interesting, watching Hannah and Garrett bungee jump naked is boring. My God, these two are a snooze. They just saw each other’s naughty bits and the best conversation they can manage about the situation is just repeating the words “fear” and “trust” over and over in what I am obligated to call sentences.

Then it’s time for the evening portion of the date and Garrett reads off one of the producer-provided conversation cards: “Heights are a big hurdle. What’s a big hurdle that’s helped mold you?”

What the fuck? What the actual fuck is happening here? Is this how humans talk?

Then Hannah literally says this: “Living my life for myself. Not letting others control what I do. I would do everything wanted me to. I didn’t want to be rejected and rejection is all fear. I’ve allowed that fear to control me. It’s hard and a battle every single day. It’s a lot easier to fight with the right weapons to bring to the battle. I don’t want this fear to control me.” So wait. Is rejection the hurdle? Or fear? Or control?

We’ve had this problem with other leads before, and it’s rearing its ugly head again. What is Hannah’s story? What is her narrative? What is the one thing the show is telling us that Hannah has to confront, learn to accept about herself in order to find love? What one quality within her must someone respond to in order to understand the real Hannah? It seems like they want to push this story that she had to get over not feeling perfect, I guess? But Hannah keeps referring to letting things and people control her. I wanna hear about that. Give me specific examples. Support your thesis statement with evidence.

Later in the episode, Hannah reveals very casually that she’s been engaged TWICE by age TWENTY FOUR and I was SHOCKED AND STUNNED. Did we already know this?!?!?! I didn’t know this and I transcribe almost every word of each episode. Listen, I’m not saying that you can’t be engaged when you’re young and it’s the right decision for you, but clearly Hannah has a tendency to commit to people and then need to get out of those relationships because they were controlling. Why haven’t we heard more about this? This would be a great conversation to have on air; her committing to her own independence and agency would be good for lots of women to hear.

Instead, we hear mostly from the men that she’s “strong,” which really just means “She had an opinion once.” We don’t actually get to see Hannah define her own identity. She’s the show’s Strong Female Lead who actually has fewer lines than the male villain.

Whatever, Garrett gets the one-on-one date rose and they dance in front of one sad cellist in the Rigan night.

Up next is the group date, but before the guys get to leave, Garrett tells them that his date with Hannah involved seeing her nude body. Luke’s internal computer gets so overheated, it has to shut down and turn back on.

Then we’re off on a classic “Walk through the market and look at things” date! Hannah walks around the marketplace and names foods that she sees and then screams in excitement. CHEESE! EEEEEEEE! MOONSHINE! IIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! PICKLES! OOOOOOOOOOOOH! She’s like the Guy Fieri of The Bachelorette cinematic universe.

The guys all take advantage of the chaos in the market and take Hannah aside to give her cute little moments. Tyler C. finds a bouquet of flowers and Jed hides her behind a potted plant and tells her that he wants to be her rock. Then Luke decides to Luke the whole good thing up.

When they head to the evening portion of the date, after Tyler C. and his tight-ass pants steal Hannah away, Luke decides to spin the fuck out. First he tells Tyler he’s uncomfortable about how the one-on-one date went down and Tyler continues to be a prince and tells him that she can make her own decisions. What does it say about this show that respecting a woman’s basic agency makes someone a prince?

Luke is not satisfied with being told that a woman is a person and goes to Hannah to tell her that he cannot imagine that she would reveal her navel to a man other than her husband, Luke P. He says it really frustrated him, it pissed him off, her body is a temple, it was a slap in the face, and he’s thinking about how she’s going to meet his family. He also says if she makes a boneheaded mistake in the future, he would support her. Bitch, no one asked you to support anything. If this is support, give me something else. He is so proud telling her all of this because he has correctly identified a feeling and is expressing it with human words. Hannah is … not as proud. She tells him that it wasn’t a sexual thing and she made the decision so that’s that. But Luke had a feeling and now that’s Hannah’s problem! He definitely thinks he’s getting the group date rose.

Tyler and his tight-ass pants get the group date rose.

The final one-on-one date goes to Peter. Can I just not? All they do is make out in a sauna, then in a hot tub, then next to a river. We get MINUTES of footage of them rolling around in a sauna wearing white swimsuits, making out in the silence. I wrote in my notes “THIS IS TOO INTIMATE.” Then Peter tells her the longest proverb I’ve ever heard about a river and some water. Hannah keeps saying that Peter makes her feel like a woman. He makes part of her feel something. Peter gets the one-on-one date rose.

Before the night is over, Jed decides that he needs to promote his album, now available on iTunes, and starts singing his one song outside Hannah’s window. He heads into her hotel room and plays her a positively vulgar song. Listen, I know it’s a sweet singer-songwriter thing but the majority of the lyrics are about him sliding her dress up her thigh. At least John Mayer used metaphors and similes. Jed’s song is straight up “I wanna pull them panties down” and acting like it’s Babyface. Hannah gently takes his guitar and says “That was cute” and straddles him. He tells her that he’s falling in love for her.

The next morning, Hannah comes over before the rose ceremony to take Luke aside because obviously. Hannah clearly explains everything that Luke said to her and how it made her feel and tells him that he’s not her husband and he doesn’t own her. Luke’s response is if Garrett hadn’t told him that Hannah made an adult decision, he wouldn’t be upset! He also tells Hannah that she misunderstood him and he didn’t actually say what she said he did! He says, “I finally feel like we got the train on track” and Hannah says, “Oh, it isn’t.” Yet somehow we’re still here listening to this Abercrombie and Fitch polo shirt gaslight a woman because she was naked with another man. That’s what this is all about. How much more airtime does this backwards fucking idiot need?

Once Hannah sends him back to his room in punishment, the other guys are PISSED that they might miss another rose ceremony and Luke is continuing to talk about them. Luke and Garrett have a standoff that’s just them repeating the words “STAY IN YOUR LANE” over and over. Tyler tells Luke that he’s trying to be the big dog. He also takes the best tactic to dismantling a troll: acting like you don’t understand and asking them to explain their actions. Tyler also calls him out on the hypocrisy of thinking that he can strip on stage during a group date but Hannah can’t be nude. Luke says “THAT’S BETWEEN ME AND HANNAH.” Garrett finally says that bungee jumping was his date with Hannah and suddenly it’s Luke’s problem.

Chris Harrison comes in and says there will be no cocktail party and they’re going straight to the rose ceremony. Every guy’s eyes roll so far back in their head they can see their high school graduation.

It’s time for the Rose Ceremony. Jed, Mike, Connor, and Luke get roses. This is all unfolding exactly how we all could predict. After the rose ceremony, Hannah tells Host Chris that she doesn’t know if she’s in love with Luke or if he’s making her crazy.

Oh. Oh no, teacup pig.

https://www.vulture.com/2019/06/the-bachelorette-week-six-recap-season-15-episode-7.html

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Man, from reading all the recaps I'm glad I never made it past the first episode. It's a trainwreck but it doesn't sound the least bit entertaining.

Someone should tell Hannah that Jesus would still love her even if she hosted a Surly gangbang.

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She had a bunch of tweets in a row last night about being embarrassed in front of her mom, then I read later that the previews showed her admitting to banging someone twice in a windmill or some shit.

I can see how mom may frown on that being shown on national TV. 

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the whole showdown between garrett and luke p was kinda lame and anticlimactic considering we had already seen the whole "jesus still loves me" scene with luke that clearly was from a later date.  in fact, last night's scenes show luke and hannah talking with what looks to be greece behind them, which makes me think he's in the final 3 at least.

(i'm not reading spoilers, i'm sure it's already out there who won).

also we were discussing last night about how you never see such camaraderie between the guys this late.  and i remarked that it's because typically they flush out the villain a few weeks before shit gets serious.  luke is still there, and they were rooting so hard for peter and garrett to walk through that door.

it's consistently amazing to me how hannah sits across from luke p, listening to his garbage, and still takes his side (against a bunch of guys she's also has fucking feelings for).  insanity.

whomever finishes 2nd, 3rd, or 4th, is going to watch this show play back and breathe a huge sigh of relief over the bullet they've just dodged.

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