Jump to content

Bachelor/Bachelorette/Paradise Catch-All


C-Man

Recommended Posts

I stand by my call at the very beginning. Never Been Kissed is gorgeous. So are Nina's tits. 
 
Also, Colton is fat 


Man, I don’t see it. There were maybe 10 girls on that stage I’d take over her. I mentioned to Mrs C-Man that Colton looked like a damn teenage boy on stage tonight.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, henrygandorf said:

yeah, that's what previews are for.  unfortunately, i'll give you the cheat sheet for tonight:

about half will be focused on the drama between girls.  some demi stuff, that one black chick instigator, the cuban/miami chick, a bunch of she said-she said crap.  that part will be fun.  they will definitely get into some of the "girls here for the wrong reasons" thread as well, which will likely transition smoothly into caelynn, and one-on-one interviews with girls who made it far and need to tell their story.

then, they'll bring out colton, so that 2-3 different chicks can all say they were "blindsided".  if i hear blindsided fewer than 5x tonight i'll be shocked.  the whole 2nd hour will be pretty boring and awkward as colton hints about what happened and defends himself against chicks that thought they were the one.

the biggest issue with the bachelor producers is that they are under the impression that "bachelor nation" wants justice*.  if a certain girl was wronged, then they think bachelor nation is demanding that girl gets her day in court (a few minutes on the couch with colton) to plead her case and "get answers"  spoiler alert, nobody ever gets satisfying answers, but they'll try to. 

only heard "blindsided" 4x.  otherwise, nailed it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, ajax said:

I stand by my call at the very beginning. Never Been Kissed is gorgeous.

you and i have drastically different tastes.  i don't think she's the least bit attractive.  she looks like a 12 year old girl that hasn't grown into her looks or something.

glad she came on the show last night to talk exactly zero times.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Caelynn’s botox Dr will be employed for life to keep up that facade.

Her doctor's got her face so inflated beyond the recommended psi it'll have uneven tread wear.

Come to think of it, Hannabama's had work done too but a lot less, and same with Cassie. Demi's probably one of the few whose face is unmolested. I mean, by a doctor. 

I'm assuming black and Indian don't crack so they're probably fine too.

Edited by ajax
Link to comment
Share on other sites

50 minutes ago, ajax said:

Her doctor's got her face so inflated beyond the recommended psi it'll have uneven tread wear.

Come to think of it, Hannabama's had work done too but a lot less, and same with Cassie. Demi's probably one of the few whose face is unmolested. I mean, by a doctor. 

I'm assuming black and Indian don't crack so they're probably fine too.

can we set up a kickstarter for katie's nosejob?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Go Pokes said:

I wonder how they decide who gets to gone to TWTA. I was looking at the cast to try to figure out who the hell Nina was and noticed several missing. And yet Jane was there.

I'm pretty sure they're all given the opportunity to attend but not all take them up on the offer. I was like the rest of y'all wondering who the fuck "Jane" was.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, C-Man said:

Further evidence that Colton is more into Chris than any of the women on his season. No self-respecting male ever, ever says "nailed it!"

the funny thing is that i originally wrote "i aced this", which is from real genius when he takes the final, and i always post that after our shaggy assholes fantasy baseball draft just to talk shit.  then i figured i would play along, but wasn't sure if anyone would catch the "colton/nailed it" reference.  

i really do hope colton finds love eventually.  he has a kind heart, and someday he's going to make some lucky guy really happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What are the chances that the pacifier stunt was staged, and Demi was in on it?

On the one hand Demi seemed to handle it so well, but on the other hand Courtney had nothing in return. If it was staged you would think they would have something for Courtney prepared in answer to Demi.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What are the chances that the pacifier stunt was staged, and Demi was in on it?
On the one hand Demi seemed to handle it so well, but on the other hand Courtney had nothing in return. If it was staged you would think they would have something for Courtney prepared in answer to Demi.

0% would be my answer.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, mulletpelini said:

Holy Howard Stern homophobia what the hell did I just walk into

A gay fat virgin went on dates with a bunch of women and ended jumping over a gate that everyone insists on calling a "fence."

And Demi is the smartest of all the women. By far.

Let that sink in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Holy Howard Stern homophobia what the hell did I just walk into.  Looked up last night on my tv and the screen was filled with Demi's face.  The shit you people watch.

Doesn't that mean you were watching it too?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Holy Howard Stern homophobia what the hell did I just walk into.  Looked up last night on my tv and the screen was filled with Demi's face.  The shit you people watch.

I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.  The show is fabulous.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, spystud13 said:

And goddamn, I hope Courtney doesn't get BiP. She may slit her fucking wrist if she has to watch Demi from the couch. 

so you're rooting for her to slit her wrists?  if she wants to go, she'll go.  they take everyone willing from the most recent seasons because getting older cast members is challenging for several reasons.  the cast is big at the beginning and they trot out more every week.

the fact that she and demi have an ongoing tiff will make it even more likely.  i guarantee you the producers are all over it.

weirdly enough (and someone can probably produce better evidence of this than me) the feuds often times don't translate down to mexico.  people just get distracted and forget about it.

colton being so young for a bachelor and so many of the chicks being 23-24 should produce one of the better bip seasons in a while.  lately there have been too many recycled 26-30 year olds down there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So that means that we'll most likely see Jane in paradise, which is bad although maybe good, and Nina's tits in paradise which is definitely good.

I thought it was funny how Hanabi (Hannah B's harambe name) kept looking at Jane and was like "who are you again?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, ajax said:

So that means that we'll most likely see Jane in paradise, which is bad although maybe good, and Nina's tits in paradise which is definitely good.

I thought it was funny how Hanabi (Hannah B's harambe name) kept looking at Jane and was like "who are you again?"

that was great.  she did the half turn and was like, "jane why are you even talking?"

she needs to pull the power move where she forgets her name on purpose.

"listen, jeff."

"it's jane."

"whatever."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was listening to Ashley I and Ben Higgins podcast yesterday (don’t judge) and one of the first things Ashley says is “there were a lot of girls there who I didn’t even remember. Like, who is Jane?”. Ben says, “um, she’s here and going to be on with us”. She’s basically sitting right behind Ashley. Awkwardly awesome. And Jane is pushing hard to get on BIP. If she doesn’t, it’s a pretty clear signal to her that her Bachelor career is not happening.

Count on Demi & Courtney being on BIP. And if they both put down that they’re interested in meeting the same guy, count on him showing up at the worst possible time for Courtney.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

30 minutes ago, Go Pokes said:

was listening to Ashley I and Ben Higgins podcast yesterday (don’t judge)

Was really curious so I popped in my earbud and listened to the beginning. This Ashley girl - she's crazy right? I mean, she's crazy. I read what hg wrote about her but I guess I wasn't expecting this level of crazy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, ajax said:

Was really curious so I popped in my earbud and listened to the beginning. This Ashley girl - she's crazy right? I mean, she's crazy. I read what hg wrote about her but I guess I wasn't expecting this level of crazy.

She's toned the crazy down by at least 60%.  You should have seen her on the Bachelor and BIP.  Obsessed with this guy named Jared.  She chased him all over the island for two seasons.  Broke down in tears at least once an episode.   Just a total beating.  Then she went on this one off show called Bachelor Winter Games and started dating this Canadian guy.  Gets back to the US and Jared comes looking for her, professes his love, they kiss, she dumps Canadian and now her and Jared are engaged.  And it seems like the are really happy.  It's her fairy tale ending that absolutely nobody thought would ever happen.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

first of all, i am judging.  hardcore no guilt finger-pointy judging right here.  honestly, i didn't even know that podcast existed, and even i have my limits.

second of all, ashley i is fucking nutso.  like if they tried to commit her, the insane asylum would turn all the lights off and be like, "nobody fucking make a sound."

if shaggy wasn't deader than disco, i could pull up the threads from former bip seasons, where we discussed her and jared and boiling bunnies. 

this is a good start if you want some highlights:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ashley+i+bachelor+in+paradise

(all i did was search "ashley i bachelor in paradise" and there are a lot of videos - i didn't know if that link would actually work)

she essentially made up her mind that she wanted this one dude (jared).  they hung out, it wasn't happening, so they moved on.  but not really, because she didn't.  then she proceeded to lose her fucking shit any time he even half-glanced in another girl's direction.  then people would come talk to her, and she's like, "totally, i mean, i love him more than anyone has ever loved anyone, but i get it, and i'm moving on."  then she would go out with other people, but still be obsessed with jared.  then jared would go out with better, hotter, cooler chicks, and ashley i would come slicing in at a 45 deg angle and foul it up.  oh, and she cried more than anyone in bachelor history.  i'm sure those videos are easy to find.  

this whole saga went on for multiple seasons on multiple shows (there was a winter games in there i think too, where she fell hard for other random dudes before they also dropped her like 3rd period french).  later it came out that jared and ashley had been hanging out fairly often in la during the offseason of the shows, and it turns out that he was either confused (very likely) or into it (possible) but 100% leading her on (kept referring to them as great friends), and making the situation way way worse for everyone involved.

fast forward, now they're engaged, and it's only a matter of time before something terrible happens to one of them, and it ends up being a netflix documentary.  csb alert - last year i saw ashley and jared at the grauman's chinese in front of me in line to buy popcorn, and she has horrible cankles, and is not attractive in person. 

that was the best of my recollection, but others can probably fill in the blanks on some shit that i missed or messed up.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 minutes ago, Go Pokes said:

She's toned the crazy down by at least 60%.  You should have seen her on the Bachelor and BIP.  Obsessed with this guy named Jared.  She chased him all over the island for two seasons.  Broke down in tears at least once an episode.   Just a total beating.  Then she went on this one off show called Bachelor Winter Games and started dating this Canadian guy.  Gets back to the US and Jared comes looking for her, professes his love, they kiss, she dumps Canadian and now her and Jared are engaged.  And it seems like the are really happy.  It's her fairy tale ending that absolutely nobody thought would ever happen.  

 

12 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

first of all, i am judging.  hardcore no guilt finger-pointy judging right here.  honestly, i didn't even know that podcast existed, and even i have my limits.

second of all, ashley i is fucking nutso.  like if they tried to commit her, the insane asylum would turn all the lights off and be like, "nobody fucking make a sound."

if shaggy wasn't deader than disco, i could pull up the threads from former bip seasons, where we discussed her and jared and boiling bunnies. 

this is a good start if you want some highlights:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ashley+i+bachelor+in+paradise

(all i did was search "ashley i bachelor in paradise" and there are a lot of videos - i didn't know if that link would actually work)

she essentially made up her mind that she wanted this one dude (jared).  they hung out, it wasn't happening, so they moved on.  but not really, because she didn't.  then she proceeded to lose her fucking shit any time he even half-glanced in another girl's direction.  then people would come talk to her, and she's like, "totally, i mean, i love him more than anyone has ever loved anyone, but i get it, and i'm moving on."  then she would go out with other people, but still be obsessed with jared.  then jared would go out with better, hotter, cooler chicks, and ashley i would come slicing in at a 45 deg angle and foul it up.  oh, and she cried more than anyone in bachelor history.  i'm sure those videos are easy to find.  

this whole saga went on for multiple seasons on multiple shows (there was a winter games in there i think too, where she fell hard for other random dudes before they also dropped her like 3rd period french).  later it came out that jared and ashley had been hanging out fairly often in la during the offseason of the shows, and it turns out that he was either confused (very likely) or into it (possible) but 100% leading her on (kept referring to them as great friends), and making the situation way way worse for everyone involved.

fast forward, now they're engaged, and it's only a matter of time before something terrible happens to one of them, and it ends up being a netflix documentary.  csb alert - last year i saw ashley and jared at the grauman's chinese in front of me in line to buy popcorn, and she has horrible cankles, and is not attractive in person. 

that was the best of my recollection, but others can probably fill in the blanks on some shit that i missed or messed up.

Both forgot to mention that she was a virgin -- and wasn't afraid to tell everyone. Her crying episodes live in Bachelor infamy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

ok, while i was writing my novel, go pokes summed it up pretty well in four sentences.  clap.

No, that was some good detail. For some reason I totally expected the part about the cankles. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, C-Man said:

 

Both forgot to mention that she was a virgin -- and wasn't afraid to tell everyone. Her crying episodes live in Bachelor infamy.

jesus you're right.  i totally forgot she was a virgin.

anyone older than 24 who's still a virgin shouldn't be allowed to drink on tv shows.  they're imbalanced.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While we're waiting for tonight's episode you guys might enjoy this video.

This youtube channel, Cosmonaut Variety Hour, usually just discusses comic book movies but in this episode they roast people who go on a cringey dating show Five First Dates or something like that.

Check out the girl at 18:40. Sge starts out normal but then turns into a complete psycho.

Oh, and the Indian girl at 6:30, one of her dates is a complete train wreck ending with her in tears.

 

Edited by ajax
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...