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honolulu horn

Lame joke thread

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3 hours ago, honolulu horn said:

Q: How do you spell "ninjas?"

A: "s." The ninja is silent.

Wouldn't that be "pronounce", not "spell"?

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14 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

Wouldn't that be "pronounce", not "spell"?

That's what makes it so lame

 

What's the difference between a Mexican and a stoner?

A stoner always has papers

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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

 

 

 

She gagged.

 

 

 

Apparently spoiler tags aren't working in Tapa.

 

 

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Q: What do you get when you breed a ground hog and a Texas a&m football player?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

 

BvMdtHpIQAEMrkQ.jpg

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A mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind around here."

The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi" (fun guy - get it?)  OK, I better quit before I get carried away.

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A skeleton walks into a bar.

 

he says “Give me a beer and a mop”

Edited by AM Wood

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A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!".

Confused, the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steve?"

 

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Quote

 

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!"

"Yes, sir. It's fresh ground."

 

Quote

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

Quote

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

 

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On 3/29/2018 at 11:44 AM, Kel Varnsen said:

Q: Have you ever watched the movie "Constipated"?
A: It hasn't come out yet.

You hear about the constipated mathematician? 

 

He worked it it out with a pencil.

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46 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

You hear about the constipated mathematician? 

 

He worked it it out with a pencil.

tmimn.gif

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Q.What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

A.Look! There comes a herd of elephants coming over the hill!

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sun glasses coming over the hill?

A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Edited by burntorangebongos
best joke in 3rd grade

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^
That reminds me of one of my favorites.

Bunch of muffins are in the oven. Muffin 1 turns to the group and says “is it me or is it really warm in here?” Muffin 2 says, “HOLY SHIT! A talking muffin!”

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first muffin says, "Wow! It's really hot in here!" The second muffin says, "AAAHHH! A talking muffin!"

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What do you get if you are squeezing two small green balls?

 

Kermit the Frog's full attention. 

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16 minutes ago, Homesickhorn said:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

 

 

To show the armadillo it could be done. 

I always heard it was to retrieve the empty Lone Star can from the armadillo.  

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Then there was the farmer who got all worried out in the field because he only counted 196 cows, but then he relaxed because when he rounded them up there were 200.

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