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smuggs

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by smuggs

  1. My parents took me to the John Denver show in '82 when I was 6 which was my first concert. He sat on a stool with a guitar. They also took me to see Tina Turner in '87, Level 42 opened for her. I bought a sweet ass Thunderdome poster. Also saw - ZZ Top on the Recycler tour in '91 U2 on the Zoo TV tour with Pixies opening in '92 and the Beastie Boys with Talib Kweli opening in '04.
  2. Quit your jobs and start a travel vlog. I've read that works well for vacationing couples.
  3. Siamese Dream - Smashing Pumpkins Check Your Head - Beastie Boys VH1 VH2 Bill - Tripping Daisy Off The Wall - MJ Highway To Hell - AC/DC Blue Album - Weezer It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back - Public Enemy Texas Flood - SRV Currents - Tame Impala Low End Theory - A Tribe Called Quest
  4. Crucial Item checklist: Backpacker Guitar - check Drone - check Throw pillows - check Duvet - check Tapestries - check Flowers - check Water Storage - X Cooktop - X Solar rig - X Adult-sized Sleeping Surface - X Dirty/Outdoor Gear Storage - X Cassette Toilet - X Retractable Awning - X A simple pair of fucking camp chairs - X
  5. It might help a little if he removed his boy's size 10R suit jacket before throwing.
  6. Pretty sure he was none too pleased that the Aztec with the multiple cocks-name managed to survive his flood.
  7. The new Tundra is official: https://www.toyota.com/upcoming-vehicles/tundra/ 3.5L twin turbo V6 389hp / 479 lbft Hybrid model 437hp / 583 lbft Coils in the rear
  8. They were eating an astronomical amount of ass.
  9. A real bed and a quasi-toilet available inside that pop-top slide out probably would have prevented this murder. The dude's dad should be charged as an accessory for not letting them borrow it.
  10. Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell is one of my favorite Onion articles. https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-surprised-to-find-selves-in-hell-1819566162
  11. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical - summers in Rangoon, luge lessons... In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
  12. Lol. Imagine Sword Of Justice was ranked the 20th greatest television show of all time and became a template for a whole generation of young screenwriters. And made Dack Rambo an iconic cult hero.
  13. I loved Dennis Miller but he always seemed like a stand up comedian first, riffing on current events second. Nealon was all in: Ron Burgundy style, will read anything on the teleprompter. Norm was a nice area between the two, delivering the news with his own personal riff but still maintained the phony newsman vibe. All three of them are awesome.
  14. This 7 second Farley clip also kills me.
  15. That's a hard fucking broil on those dogs. I'm a fan.
  16. There's too many skits that qualify as best for me but two of my favorites are the men's synchronized swimmers and the Zagat's restaurant guide. Martin Short sitting on the couch in a tracksuit slowly nodding just about makes me piss myself. And Farley was from another planet. I don't know if there will ever be another physical comedian on SNL that can match that dude's intensity.
  17. He told a story on Stern about how he was on Who's Line Is It Anyway and he mock-buttfucked one of the cast members:
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