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Elvis

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Everything posted by Elvis

  1. Bone Tomahawk. I didn't know anything about it going in. Wow.
  2. Elvis

    Tipping

    Heading to Cabo again. I’ll grab a grand from the bank of mixed bills for tips and get out of trouble money. Pretty standard.
  3. Fall 97, Castilian new friends. Sixth street. rage and party trying to get home in friends fire bird with standard transmission guy thinks it’s smart to blast NWA fuck the police for the short drive home. immediately pulled over. cop is ready to test and arrest im feeling pretty good and spout off that I can get those kids back to campus. cop says ok get them home. can’t drive stick very well. Lurching and nervous I get the car a block away and switch back to DWI car owner for the short drive back to the castle.
  4. There was a time in 91/92 when T2, Basic Instinct, and Waynes World were all playing at the theater at the mall. Those were some fun days at the mall in junior high. Smoke come cigarettes, go to Spencers, get a ticket to Waynes World and spend all day sneaking between those movies; especially in time to see some Sharon beaver.
  5. I guess my dad was having a bad year when I was about 5 or 6, because we had to move into a trailer house in the country. One of our responsibilites was taking care of the horses in the horse barn behind the house. There was another trailer house on the property, but they just lived there. They didn't have work and wern't supposed to mess with the barn or animals. We had to burn our trash. We had a lot of land to get into trouble in. One night, me and the two neighbor boys decide we are going to go get a horse out and ride it around...at night. We're 5-8 years old, there's three of us. We were'nt big enough to tack the horse, and we couldn't figure out how to get up on it bare back. So we all drop down into the stall by the horse's feet. Trample and kick zone, and the horse dosen't like this BS one bit. We do some sort of a three kids on sholder's boost move (using the stall rails for stability). I'm the one that got on bare back. The other two tried to get on too, but it just wasn't happening. The other boys are just about to open the stall for my getaway. Remember, no saddle or reins...Indian style. My dad shows up in time to stop us. He was just glad we weren't permanently retarded from getting kicked. A bunch of other country kid shit happened that year in the country. And then more in the big city of Abilene.
  6. I roofed in Phoenix circa 2009 and adjusted there circa 1998. Everyone had a roof mounted swamp cooler. Detach, lift, reset, and Flashing that water monster was a bitch.
  7. Belongs in my Dyin thread
  8. My main pool pump is singing all kinds of new songs all of the sudden. Bearings? I filed a claim with American Home Shield to try to get it fixed before total failure in this heat.
  9. If I have an open casket, maybe put me in a game day suit and tie plus a my old football helmet with a lit Marlboro light. My dads funeral in January. He looked great in his West Texas Rodeo Hall of fame shirt brush popper style shirt. His boots were incorporated into the floral spray on the open casket. We kept the boots and my son was a Paul bearer wearing his Black beaver Resistol that matched mine. We’re proud of all that.
  10. That is the most boring video I've ever watched. It also reminded me of the hardest class I've ever taken.
  11. Thirty five hundred dollars for a torso? might need to look into this biz.
  12. Ok. That body parts link is totally new information. I thought hot nurses from Greys anatomy would admire my penis. Need to rethink this.
  13. I thought about putting it in the “help” forum, but probably funnier here. I’ve taken a liking to the idea of donating my body to science when I croak. Anyone looked into this? Do they cremate you later or what? I guess they don’t embalm you, so no stinky corpse in a box for the after party? Ive always hoped for a weekend at Bernie’s situation. Thoughts?
  14. Jumped the gate at night and Pissed on aggy goal post as part of hell week “scavenger hunt “ There’s a picture of it somewhere.
  15. Alright, lots of driving stories. Here’s a Mexico spring break story. 16 years old, Honda Prelude, fake ID, little to no money, like a hundred bucks each. 1994 The players: me - outside line backer AC - inside line backer Carr - corner back Johnathan -safety. We decide to go to Matamores and Padre for some MTV style fun. But there’s no way any of our parents are going to let us go. So we make up some BS about staying with someone’s mom at their vacation house. We make a one hour appearance at said moms house in Galveston to call home and let our folks know we’re alive. This was not our destination. We get to Padre and hit the beach and fight or fuck whatever showed up in front of us. Still no where to stay. We sleep four deep in my Prelude near the beach. (There’s more to this that includes a fist fight between me and Carr) We wake up and do a Mexican shower in a McDonalds bathroom. More beach day. We finally and randomly find one of our cheerleaders who’s mom actually did have a beach house. (We didn’t know this ahead of time). We get some real food and a night in beds. Alright, so now it’s time to venture across the border, but here’s the kicker. Cheer chick insists on coming with us and bringing her little sister and her friend. Sister and friend were 13. (No touchy no rapey) So we roll 8 deep in my Prelude to Brownsville. Everyone is drinking and throwing beer cans out of the windows and sunroof. Suprise! We get pulled over by highway patrol, so I pull over at a gas station because everyone has to pee. Kids exit like a clown car and I get a field sobriety test. Friends are reading havoc inside the store. Somehow the cop let us all load back up and keep heading South like we were about to be Mexico’s problem. Which we were. To be continued…..
  16. I was a young catastrophe adjuster (property) in Fairfax. I apply my 28’ ladder to a brownstone house, but it is short of the parapet wall and just below the soffit. I decided to muscle up over the parapet wall and inspected the roof. My decent was much worse. I look over the wall and I can’t even see my ladder at all. I lean way out and finally see the feet of my ladder. I used some chalk to mark where it is. Then I proceed to muscle down and dangle my feet until I feel something, also trying not to kick my ladder over. I find some ladder. Then I blindly trust my feet to find a rung. My arms are burning and adrenaline is maxed out. I get a foot set and continue to test for center of gravity while my arms are shaking. Now I gotta figure out how to get my hands on the ladder while leaning back/forward/perfect and take a couple blind steps down rungs until I can find the ladder with my hands, still blind. Made it. Holding the top of that 28’ ladder felt like heaven That’s up there with dumbest things I’ve done.
  17. Is this where I write my autobiography?
  18. Who else ya got? I've been listening to Dire Straits a lot lately.
  19. Who's the best?
  20. It's a lot easier to list the few things that I've done that aren't Texan. It's just a way of life from birth 'til death. Fight, win, fuck, repeat. And never back down.
  21. I watch movies while I do computer work, so they can't be too good or complicated, and definitely no subtitles. I really just listen and look over once in a while. Maybe rewind if I miss something that looked important, like boobs or plot points. I suffered through some real stinkers yesterday on Amazon. Tiptoes. The Matador. Flesh and Bone.
  22. That’s framed on one of my gallery walls
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