So hey, decades ago I put in 2 full-time years at a local private school, as well as years of adjunct teaching there even after I went full-time at a different place. I didn't expect to be vested in the pension plan, in fact their accountant didn't think I would be vested.
And yet here sits a letter from their retirement firm way off in Illinois, that I, RDCanecutter, have 21,000+ dollars and 84 cents if I sign on the line which is dotted. From my pension of two years plus all the fritters that I guess count for 3 years total.
I just turned 63 and would get the check in December.
My immediate plan was to take the tax hit, convert the rest to 100 dollar bills, and let the hookers, blow, and leeching entourage begin. For some reason that got voted down by Wife of Canecutter, who said I'd roll it into an IRA or some shit.
Well I don't want to. For one thing, that's boring. For another, what if the school's accountant is right, and I wasn't supposed to get it? Knowing me I'd figure out to get my tail in a crack spending a hunk of it, then Johnny Law comes lookin to claw it back and shoot my dog and repo my refrigerator.
So even though Illinois Retirement Firm is flogging the lump sum bit, no doubt because they make bank shaving points off it, I still have options like getting it monthly for the rest of my life. A dribble of $140 a month for life gets me above the lump sum total in 13 years, and would be a free water bill or throwing axes or whatever. Plus, if this is some giant mistake, pretty easy to pay back a few months at 140.
Then I actually read the paperwork, and it turned out if I pick the 100% Joint and Survivor Annuity, I'd get $117/month for life (still free money) then when I croak, my son finds out that I named him the beneficiary and HE gets 117/month for life until HE croaks, so if he lives even low-average lifespan me n him we got this thang beat.
I am afraid to tell him though, because he may be tempted to murder me to get at the inheritance. Also, knowing he's a trust-fund baby may swell his head.
To recap, free, unexpected, possibly not real micro-pension. I am partially looking for good advice but mostly want y'all to go Surly with it.