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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. Prigozhin probably never got on that plane. Beach at Zihuatanejo, etc.
  2. Seems like it'd be simpler to stay home and just burn a pile of money, like literally burn it, and make a Tiktok video of it.
  3. Probably the 100K is suggested retail, but if you show up waving a grand plus a handful of Topps baseball cards, you can get in somewhere and I don't even mean by the kitchen door.
  4. Dramatic posturing gestures are important to guys like Dan Bongino, and to the short little women who scream at them.
  5. I thought so too, but there's a whole page to fill out where I can pick a child instead of spouse, and another where wife says she's the spouse and she's cool with that, so I reckon it's legit. It was wife's idea anyway. The job was so far back that son was probably listed as my only heir on everything at the school, seeing as how I hadn't even met my current wife and had no interaction with son's mom. (telenovela life lives fast and wild.)
  6. LePen and her Nouveau Vichy would hang out with him and laugh at his jokes. For a while. They're still French, so at some point they'd hear him say some more stupid shit and then they'd have to stop, argue, and analyze it all, y'know, for fun. Trump's mind would stand up under the pressure like a Jenga game being played by raccoons.
  7. The ending would require some threatened Florida wildlife to wreak vengeance on Mar-A-Lago.
  8. One day we'll have time machines, and job-seekers can just go back to 1975, walk into the boss' office with a firm handshake and a steady gaze, and get a job PLUS mooch a cigarette from a coworker.
  9. Knowing that I can just lie in bed and still make more than $3 a day, well, that may weaken my resolve.
  10. So hey, decades ago I put in 2 full-time years at a local private school, as well as years of adjunct teaching there even after I went full-time at a different place. I didn't expect to be vested in the pension plan, in fact their accountant didn't think I would be vested. And yet here sits a letter from their retirement firm way off in Illinois, that I, RDCanecutter, have 21,000+ dollars and 84 cents if I sign on the line which is dotted. From my pension of two years plus all the fritters that I guess count for 3 years total. I just turned 63 and would get the check in December. My immediate plan was to take the tax hit, convert the rest to 100 dollar bills, and let the hookers, blow, and leeching entourage begin. For some reason that got voted down by Wife of Canecutter, who said I'd roll it into an IRA or some shit. Well I don't want to. For one thing, that's boring. For another, what if the school's accountant is right, and I wasn't supposed to get it? Knowing me I'd figure out to get my tail in a crack spending a hunk of it, then Johnny Law comes lookin to claw it back and shoot my dog and repo my refrigerator. So even though Illinois Retirement Firm is flogging the lump sum bit, no doubt because they make bank shaving points off it, I still have options like getting it monthly for the rest of my life. A dribble of $140 a month for life gets me above the lump sum total in 13 years, and would be a free water bill or throwing axes or whatever. Plus, if this is some giant mistake, pretty easy to pay back a few months at 140. Then I actually read the paperwork, and it turned out if I pick the 100% Joint and Survivor Annuity, I'd get $117/month for life (still free money) then when I croak, my son finds out that I named him the beneficiary and HE gets 117/month for life until HE croaks, so if he lives even low-average lifespan me n him we got this thang beat. I am afraid to tell him though, because he may be tempted to murder me to get at the inheritance. Also, knowing he's a trust-fund baby may swell his head. To recap, free, unexpected, possibly not real micro-pension. I am partially looking for good advice but mostly want y'all to go Surly with it.
  11. Time to get that sword-arm back in shape.
  12. Also Meatball probably went all Biff on some nerd and made em write his papers for him.
  13. Shoe-fucking A- paper in small town put you on the radar. That story got told and retold in the Teacher's Lounge (where it is always 1962 with martinis and cigarettes) with all the cuss-words added back in.
  14. Western North Carolina is a garden salad of Hillfolk, Florida Retirees, and Asheville (I include all urban settlements with books or a decent restaurant as Asheville even if they are a county or two away.) Hillfolk open up very slowly, but can be solid friends. Floridians run the range of Florida-ness. Asheville is fairly civilized.
  15. Hay mucho, mucho, muchisimo cray. Some members blow up at each other and quit dramatically, others just fade off. When I stumble upon an artist who is in the Goldilocks zone of being pretty good and relatively innoffensive to the Grammaws, I invite them to join, and the vicious crones find some reason to trash the application. About the third time this has happened. First time they went back to 1623 for reasons why.
  16. So, what-- are you just gonna walk laps inside the mall barefoot?
  17. [Rant, possibly not purely artistic follows. Maybe skip. ] A few years ago I got tapped to be President of an art club of mostly retired women, my job is largely ceremonial as well as to get arrested if somebody runs off with the club money. They were happy having one over-wrought show a year with judges and prizes and various frippery. Cool. Nice hobby. So the past year I've been going chainsaw-murderer on weekend shows not connected to this club, where folks show up at various places (often big breweries) and sell art as if that were their job, because it is. I made friends with lots of good younger artists, which is what my Old Lady Club needs, and occasionally encourage someone to join. On the other hand, I talked the Old Lady Club into trying one of these brewery shows, stripped of extras, just show up and sell sell sell. They actually got into it, and we've attracted some younger people as well to become new members. So I wake up to a chain email of Old Lady Club Officers discussing the threat of Dark Powers and Witchcraft. I mean, the only people I know who act like a witches' coven are our club officers, but apparently a new woman, about 30, probably invited by me, has applied to join. She does animal prints and portraits and Dali-esque melting object paintings. But they have decided she is Dark and a Witch and maybe that goes against club policies I don't give a rat's ass what she believes. She shows art in one of those boring little shops full of incense and pentagrams, not exactly tied into anything deep. And the people critiquing her include some lying cheating bitches who believe any conspiracy that brushes their eardrums. My first reaction was TGTFOutta there. But my baby, the brewery show I talked them into doing, is Sept. 16th and I wanna go there and make some fuckin money. So I limited my response to "I can't believe y'all are scared of [alleged witch of Endor.]" Then I guess if September 17th comes and this batshittery is still bubbling by then, peace out. [/Rant]
  18. I haven't found anything that quite matched the soul-sickness of working in College Station, but a Travis Tritt concert in Macon Georgia might have a great shot at snatching the silver medal.
  19. It's actually pretty easy to get paid people to act enthusiastic; Chick-fil-A does it 6 days a week. Anybody with even average charisma could have said hello to that crowd, told em a short funny story, then split them into two teams competing for the certificate for Most Enthusiastic. The wet blanket here is Meatball, lacking even the leadership skills that a Kindergarten aide needs to get through hangover day. He probably beat whatever enthusiasm they had out of them.
  20. I wonder how they think that would work out for them? Probably with lots of other people obediently doing the dangerous parts. Well, maybe they'd command a Home Guard unit that would round up some Sociology Professors trying to infiltrate the Cracker Barrel mess hall by driving up in a VW van with poorly-disguised flower stickers. Then their likeness would go straight to the Franklin Mint chess set, probably as a rook or a bishop.
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