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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. I'm taking a wild guess that "fell out of the sky" is SE Texas dialect for "fell on top of me from out of a tree" where the hawk had already flown with the snake intending to eat it. Or it's a miracle.
  2. 8 hours of sunburn and light beer probably didn't hurt.
  3. If the judge business ever turns sour, he got a character actor part in a Roots remake sewn up. "I say I say Y'ONNAH!"
  4. I have land that I allow sharecroppers to work.
  5. The AI will be in the fish. And by the time you happen to have any grandchildren, people will think it socially normal to ignore everybody and just hunch over their fish all day long.
  6. Gonna make Grammama flip the biscuit tray over.
  7. Flying halfway across the planet to stay in a school gym. I could walk a couple of blocks away and sleep in a school gym, if not for that dang sheriff.
  8. Not really. I just threw that out there for the backpacker/hitchhiker/pirate crowd.
  9. We laugh about how the Soviet system discouraged individual initiative, but they probably knew exactly what they were dealing with.
  10. Anybody who grew up in a stable non-abusive household is probably a pussy.
  11. Just for the record, y'all can get probably 30 silver spoons for the price of one shitty phone, and they'll pay you back right away because you can't drunk dial on them.
  12. The very name "Texas Pete" implies that it's not currently residing in Texas. Do you leave your house in Austin and walk down the sidewalk with bluebirds chirping like in a banned Disney film, saying "Why how do Mr. Texas Bob, Ms. Texas Sappho de Boudicca, and Sr. Tejas Antonio?" No. Those people live in Texas and therefore do not have a "Texas" nickname. It is when Pete from Texas moves to Hong Kong, Montevideo, or Charlotte North Carolina that he may acquire the "Texas" sobriquet. So the question is not DOES Texas Pete live in Texas, we know he doesn't. It's whether he DID once live in Texas. Lawyers get to work.
  13. It'll be like the panzers pouring over Northern France in 1940. Except with Rascal scooters.
  14. We invented 10' poles for a reason.
  15. Pence is old and slow and boring, but I bet if he got into a scuffle with a fat Trumpkin he'd get in one solid punch and crack that jaw like Buzz Aldrin. It'd be his one chance to catch fire in the primaries. Hell, I wouldn't vote for him in the general but I'd definitely slide into the Repub primary and vote for Trumpkin-Deckin Pence.
  16. As a former college language professor, I was always happy if the drunk little fucks could show up a majority of the time and conjugate a verb. I wanted to indoctrinate them all as well, but was lazy and didn't get around to it. Fortunately the experience of meeting all sorts of fellow students who may have been different from themselves seemed to round them out a little before they went back to McMansion Acres for Thanksgiving. A&M was the strangest job I ever had, I would never have worked there except I failed to perform any recon. Thujones does not exaggerate the yokeldom of the place. One day in the language building I encountered an old guy, decked out in Aggy shit including straw hat, chip on his shoulder, he told me he was there because his niece or granddaughter or whoever told him she had professors from foreign countries, and he was a-aimin to fix that by talkin with the high-ups. It was like a deleted scene from O Brother Where Art Thou. I told him that that was bad, for sure, and I didn't know about other departments but we were Foreign Languages, so we sorta kinda had to hire the occasional foreigner. "Chinese?" he said. No sir I don't think we have any Chinese but we do have several Mexicans and at least one Frenchwoman but she's OK. "Well I heard it was Chinese." Well sir there probably are some, I bet if you poke around campus some more you'll find them. "I'm here to get to the bottom of it." Yes sir. /Then I went off to drink myself into a stupor which is how I dealt with counting the days in BCS.
  17. Well let's not dismiss these fellows out of hand. In Mexico and the Middle East they were running caste systems long before the Pilgrims figured out which hole an ear of corn went in. They have accumulated wisdom we could all learn from. Dang it, the sun don't rise and set on the corner cross-burning.
  18. Blast your favorite music from when you were 14, and pop those pimples onto the bathroom mirror.
  19. I got 100 bucks on the Light Wheeled Vehicle Mechanic vs the JAG officer in the Throat Slit Cage Match y'all.
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