Jump to content

RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
  • Posts

    12112
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    3

Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. This thing about super-size windows and doors-- looks like an HO scale house on an N scale train layout.
  2. I used a relative's address in Texas as an official residence for about a month before I rented my own digs. That side of the family was up-and-coming in the crime game in the 90s, so maybe that's why people were so polite to me at the job interviews.
  3. Damn. Looked at her FB and had a momentary panic attack when I misread the orange part of her Conroe ISD patch as Florida, and assumed that the entire Southeast was under her trollish Conroe dominion.
  4. I knew Captain Kangaroo. I watched Captain Kangaroo. Captain Kangaroo was my friend. Neither this man, nor any of the other Michigan 16, are worthy of licking the fungus off of Captain Kangaroo's embalmed nutsack.
  5. Guy on top second from right was my church deacon in 1968 and has not changed since. Only explanation is that he discovered some unholy secret to immortality and has changed states and identities every few years when the questions become too prying. He's smiling because anything short of a "life sentence" is the blink of an eye for him.
  6. They all look like characters from one of those sketches where they're playing dim-witted American tourists. Look at their photos while you listen to this:
  7. I disagree. They were alert, and vigilant. Just one little letter "s" too many? Same letter as in "SATAN?"
  8. Counterpoint: it's only the lesser goblin underling racists who want to live in AllWhite-istan. The upper racist Uruk-Hai, Nazgul, and Balrogs were quite comfortable gazing out across the plantation. I warrant that Jeff Davis could come back and have a marvelous visit to your local Walmart, except for the unseemly behavior of the folks behind him in the checkout line as he engaged in the minimum amount of friendly repartee with the comely cashier, Sir.
  9. Yep. First heard it codified more than 15 years ago when a small Baylor-like university I taught at decided the faculty didn't sit down and eat together enough, so Friday lunch at the cafeteria became "2 Dollar Fried Chicken Lunch for Faculty" and you best believe I was down there meeting my ass off. One Friday I was at a long table with other language professors and this one dude I didn't know. Well, I was getting paid fried chicken to meet him, so I did. He was head of whatever they called the school's legal department. He and I had a few things in common, had both been MPs in the Army, both had a lizard-like view of human culture. Somehow it moved on to Jesus-Fish. He said he had dealt with innocent and guilty of all religions, but when their testimony began with "I'm a Christian," bam, might as well skip the trial and convict them. Then he said the Jesus-Fish warning that Briskit and I more or less quoted. I cackled, because I expect low-lifes to act like low-lifes, but the other profs were shaking their heads in distress, the one next to me moaning "Nooo.... nooo..." as if his statement were causing it to happen. He and I were jackasses for thinking it was happening. Probably so. And the rest of that table probably goes to Jesus-Fish businesses as a testimony to their faith.
  10. Nice, but there's no way a Trumpin's sister picks that garish design for her bedroom.
  11. [apology in advance to any Decent Folk from Conroe] I only rolled through Conroe a couple of times, but it made an impression on me as Redneck Heaven When I mentioned this to a bartender in College Station, I was met with disbelief. "Lots of money in Conroe." Because there aren't any rich rednecks. The Patron Saint of Conroe is a leatherneck fry-blond ashtray-voice woman giving come-hither eye to a guy in flip-flops while she snaps bikini-bottom out of her butt-crack.
  12. I wanna hear DC_Draino walk me through the steps of changing a tire without Googling it. Or any other Basic Adult Skill that lumberjacks should know.
  13. The best mountains are on the North Carolina side. A lot of East Tennessee is flood plain with little ridges running along it.
  14. I actually had the Tenochtitlan vision a few years back, walking distance from our house, with a hawk, a snake, and a pecan tree.
  15. I'm already on my Trophy Wife and well aware that I out-kicked my coverage. She thinks I'm really nice and considerate but I basically just do the opposite of whatever I did in my first marriage.
  16. I'm taking a wild guess that "fell out of the sky" is SE Texas dialect for "fell on top of me from out of a tree" where the hawk had already flown with the snake intending to eat it. Or it's a miracle.
  17. 8 hours of sunburn and light beer probably didn't hurt.
×
×
  • Create New...