You're the 3rd person in the last few weeks to mention a book study retreat, I'm beginning to sense a theme. Now that Joe and Charlie and Sandy Beach are at the meeting in the sky, I'm interested in finding current retreats so if you know of any I'm all ears. A weekend away from everything, focusing on the big book may be what God is telling me to do.
Been going through the wringer like OMG my life is crumbling but now I've got a lot of new perspectives. Went to a noon meeting yesterday and suggested we discuss anxiety and panic and fear and the 40 year old timer went straight to page 98 of the big book, in working with others, where it says:
At 11 years sober I'm guilty of making anything my higher power except, you know, God. I'll say it, I'm currently not well. I'm a dry drunk, and all my difficulties are of my own imagination and projection. I still have a propensity to make my employer, my wife, and my family my higher power. The big realization was after Dad died a few weeks ago I now realize how much I made him my higher power, in that as long as he was still alive, everything would be all right. And now he's gone and I'm in holy shit how do I do this mode, but I'm slowly getting out of it. I hate my job and I'm interviewing for positions where the pay is twice as much but the requirements very demanding and my attitude is that if God wants me at XYZ, he'll put me there and give me that high compensation. And if not, oh well, I haven't lost anything, I've learned something. I won't know til I give it a shot.
That gave me great relief, and today has been better because I've been keeping that simple concept in my mind's forefront.
To those of you bystanders who are either considering a change in your drinking, or who have curtailed or stopped your drinking, please understand this - ANYONE can stop drinking on their own for a certain period of time. Days, weeks, months. But without AA I can't stay stopped for any considerable period of time. I'm at least as alcoholic right now as I was when I last took a drink, the difference is that now I'm conditioned to go let AA love me back to sanity. There's no app, or personal self-discipline, or anything that is going to be successful at keeping me sober. Or, if I'm completely honest, anything other method than AA that results in a fellowship where I'm loved and get to love. SMART recovery people might not be drinking, but I don't see them having potlucks or retreats. To each their own, I know what's right for me.