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  • 2 weeks ago, watching my kid hen peck on his keyboard Me: Son, you really need to practice your typing using the home row. You'll never type fast typing with 2 fingers. Him: I try to type fa

  • My daughter (1st grade) has been having issues at recess.  She's really tender hearted and takes offense to just about everything.  When she tells me what's wrong to me it just sounds like playground

  • I coach college baseball and my 3 year old son has begun to catch on to things that go on at the ball field. He sees me talk to players when things go wrong, etc. Last night I was throwing him passes

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From one of my daughter’s 4th grade students today …

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Popular Post

I was trying to dive home the importance of wearing a coat to the bus stop when it’s freezing or raining


“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just being poorly dressed for the weather provided”

Response: “I’ll remember that when we have a tornado”.

3 minutes ago, GottaB said:

I was trying to dive home the importance of wearing a coat to the bus stop when it’s freezing or raining


“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just being poorly dressed for the weather provided”

Response: “I’ll remember that when we have a tornado”.

You're in trouble.

38 minutes ago, GottaB said:

I was trying to dive home the importance of wearing a coat to the bus stop when it’s freezing or raining


“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just being poorly dressed for the weather provided”

Response: “I’ll remember that when we have a tornado”.


Remember the 6 P’s:

Piss
Poor
Planning
Produces
Poor
Performance

 

I was trying to dive home the importance of wearing a coat to the bus stop when it’s freezing or raining


“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just being poorly dressed for the weather provided”

Response: “I’ll remember that when we have a tornado”.

This is where you let him walk to the bus stop in freezing rain wearing whatever the fuck he wants.

You know you've done something right as a parent when your child is using his school computer to Google Krampus the week before Christmas. 

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17 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

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Daughter: Do you know why there is only one Grinch?

Me: Why?

Daughter: You know the book Green Eggs and Ham?

Me: Sure.

Daughter: All the Grinches were the ham.

Me:…

 

On 12/16/2024 at 2:17 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

You know you've done something right as a parent when your child is using his school computer to Google Krampus the week before Christmas. 

Screenshot_20241216_141534_SecurlyHome.thumb.jpg.2b8ba3a932e96a9b957943ce654dc16f.jpg

Keeping the dream alive!!! 

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I really hope he has managed to convince some of his classmates. I'll try to extract this information and will report any amusing revelations. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

21 hours ago, HenryJames said:

Daughter: Do you know why there is only one Grinch?

Me: Why?

Daughter: You know the book Green Eggs and Ham?

Me: Sure.

Daughter: All the Grinches were the ham.

Me:…

 

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While speaking with her, he referred to Mrs. Doom's boobs as her "jiggling physics." 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

Just had to change my entry name in the Bowl Mania contest after he asked me why his entry name was "Doomlet" and what was the meaning of my entry name - "$30 Prepuce." 

I told him that they were randomly generated, but I don't know whether he bought it. 

Separately, it should come as no surprise that he got a real charge out of @IPoopOnWhoop 's entry name, even if he doesn't understand the "whoop" aspect. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

10 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Just had to change my entry name in the Bowl Mania contest after he asked me why his entry name was "Doomlet" and what was the meaning of my entry name - "$30 Prepuce." 

I told him that they were randomly generated, but I don't know whether he bought it. 

Separately, it should come as no surprise that he got a real charge out of @IPoopOnWhoop 's entry name, even if he doesn't understand the "whoop" aspect. 

Haha I made this name up when I started posting on hornfans around age 16.  

  • Popular Post

He just heard Mrs. Doom say "shitshow" in the other room and turned to look at me for my reaction.


I told him she was allowed to say that today (while I don't know the context, it has been one shitshow after another hosting her family all day/week) and he said, "I know, I just thought she was more family friendly." 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

He's been playing this periodically throughout the day and cackling like a maniac each time. 

There's a second song that features a segment on the health benefits of eating ass. 

Mrs. Doom is not amused, and has banned that one from the house. 

On 12/17/2024 at 3:33 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

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To close the loop on this bizarre concept, this came home from school today:

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He's currently using Google Translate to say "nineteen," "twelve and nineteen," and "fifty and nineteen" out loud in French. 

Spoiler

Multiple variations on "deez nuts."

 

11 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

He's currently using Google Translate to say "nineteen," "twelve and nineteen," and "fifty and nineteen" out loud in French. 

  Reveal hidden contents

Multiple variations on "deez nuts."

 

fifty and nineteen is the best

  • 2 weeks later...

I think it's fair to expect that we might be having an interesting family conversation around bedtime tonight. 

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My 2 1/2 year-old is equal parts hilarious and pain in the ass, but his language is to the point where he may start contributing to this thread... hopefully not at doomlet's level.

As the bath was draining and he was sitting in the tub, "My penis broken". Then soon thereafter, following a successful pee in the potty, "Two points!". We don't even watch basketball.

sorry not sure where else to post this....it was not my kid it was some kid at the store and his mom and then me

the grocery store has a little door barely above grocery cart height that slides open so the cart guys can push the carts in right to the front of the store and it is right by one of the regular doors

I am walking up to the store and there is a little kid and his mom and they are heading to the door and the little kid makes a beeline for the small cart door and his mom is clearly not happy, but was not able to stop him in time and he goes right through it and waits for his mom in the area by the carts......so as I walked up I ducked down and went through the cart door as well......the kid was looking at me like "he just did that too" and the mom was looking back and forth at both of us not happy......no pics of mom she was not all that plus she is clearly a stick in the mud

Edited by ButtFumble

7 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Based on the picture I received today, his Chromebook was not confiscated. 

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Not a good first guess at all. Only one vowel, and only one of rstlne.  I would have a stern talk with him about his lack of strategy. 

  • Popular Post

Daughter: If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you wish for?

Me: I don’t know.

Daughter: First I’d wish for an umbrella. Then I’d stick it up his butt. I’d tell him that I would open the umbrella if he didn’t grant me unlimited wishes.

Me: …

11 hours ago, HenryJames said:

Daughter: If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you wish for?

Me: I don’t know.

Daughter: First I’d wish for an umbrella. Then I’d stick it up his butt. I’d tell him that I would open the umbrella if he didn’t grant me unlimited wishes.

Me: …


You’re gonna have your hands full in a few years. 
 

22 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:


You’re gonna have your hands  Butt full in a few years. 
 

Fixed it.

1 hour ago, ABSR said:

Fixed it.

Yup. That’s what I was thinking. Sleep with one eye open, @HenryJames

[Watching The Simpsons]

Daughter: Someone needs to kill Itchy. Get me a mousetrap!

Me: Ron Swanson GIFs | Tenor

  • 3 weeks later...

He apparently wants to include some scary shit in some school project but doesn't want to put very much work into it. 

 

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'How to lucid dream' with 'Sleep paralysis demon' seems like something you could work with. Possibly involving mysteriously non-rotting gourds.

 

So...pops Jr is in 6th grade. Whenever I pick him up from school first question is what did you do in school today?

Pops Jr: "learned"

And then we laugh. Same question and same answer since like 2nd grade. I don't deserve him. 

On 1/30/2025 at 7:06 PM, HenryJames said:

Daughter: If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you wish for?

Me: I don’t know.

Daughter: First I’d wish for an umbrella. Then I’d stick it up his butt. I’d tell him that I would open the umbrella if he didn’t grant me unlimited wishes.

Me: …

Goddamn, that is fucking hysterical. 

Caught the tail end of daughter talking to wife.

Daughter: And that’s why I don’t listen to the crayons.

I started turning grey at 23. At the ripe young age of 50, my hair is completely white. Many people have mistaken me to be my kids’ grandpa.

Anyway, tomorrow is “eat lunch with your parents” day at my boy’s school. He doesn’t want me to come because

”People will think you’re my grandpa. And it’s supposed to be eat lunch with your PARENT!”

 

 

 

[edit] Yeah, I died a little when he said that. But still funny.

Edited by Superhero

32 minutes ago, Superhero said:

I started turning grey at 23. At the ripe young age of 50, my hair is completely white. Many people have mistaken me to be my kids’ grandpa.

Anyway, tomorrow is “eat lunch with your parents” day at my boy’s school. He doesn’t want me to come because

”People will think you’re my grandpa. And it’s supposed to be eat lunch with your PARENT!”

 

 

 

[edit] Yeah, I died a little when he said that. But still funny.

Dye your hair purple or some shit just to really upset him. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

My new grandson’s message to his mom (my daughter) while she feeds him …IMG_0014.thumb.jpeg.a1c823620c5e6203012d8c001f5cabde.jpeg

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