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Blotto

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Blotto

  1. Interestingly, I think I could have t-shirts made and they would sell equally well between those of us that laugh at aggy and those that actually graduated from that embarrassment.
  2. Did you hook your foot behind your other calf and spasm backwards with your O face as you typed that? Didn't think so, sip.
  3. Dickinson can play, but he's got a fairly high douche quotient.
  4. That Reeves cat for UK sure isn't afraid to shoot it. Might want to let others have a try.
  5. I'll be laughing my ass off. I honestly have no idea how Traylor found the time to suck so many dicks that he has thousands of boyfriends on the internet. I'm guessing his next win over a ranked team will be his first, and I'm supposed to believe he's gonna be the chosen one to finally get it turned around at aggy?
  6. LSU freek was quasi "internet famous", enough so that when he went dark someone tracked him down and wrote an article on him. Dont know if he's active anywhere these days https://www.al.com/alabamafootball/2019/12/why-sec-gif-guru-lsufreek-disappeared.html
  7. I dig those and always have a package in the freezer. 8 minutes in the toaster oven while I'm busy cooking other shit, and you have some pretty crunchy tasty bread.
  8. Where you getting that $3B figure from? Latest financials show total liabilities to be ~$850M. Thats not great, but not $3B bad either. According to the last two 10Q's, shares outstanding on 6/30/23 was 440,673,897 while shares outstanding on 9/30/23 was 667,703,040. And with 900,000,000 shares million currently authorized, I'd expect that to continue. Just because it all goes into PSS's Nant Capital account, doesn't mean the shares don't exist. This is from the Sept press release. He's diluting the fuck out of shareholders, but there don't appear to be any other great options right now.
  9. 100% this. Imagine the crazy concessions you could get them to agree to now that they have to actually have to follow through with a plan of action. If I was a hotshot coach, off the top of my head I'd probably ask for: - $250M/10 years, payable up front - Two national championship trophies to be presented at my coronation - Mandate that the aggy band follow me around everywhere on campus playing "Move Bitch" - Replace the bidet in the coaches private bathroom with Billy Liucci (I wouldn't actually want that clown licking my asshole, but the idea of him agreeing it to it would be too good to pass up) And once it was all agreed to in writing, I'd just get a raise from my current school and stop answering Bjork's calls.
  10. lulz. the best thing about Matt Rhule is his PR team. He had eleven chances to beat a ranked team while at Baylor, and went winless. He would get steamrolled in the SEC. I'd rather have Tom Herman as coach.
  11. Its been so long since aggy has had any success in anything that just being the number #1 story in CFB is enough for them. Who cares if everyone is laughing. And Sharpe and the swedish chef are the guys that made that happen. They might get a raise out of this.
  12. I want aggy to buy the fanciest, most overpriced car on the lot. We all know it doesn't matter which one they pick, they are gonna drive it into a ditch anyway. That's the ethos of being aggy...old army, good bull, all of that horseshit always end up in abject failure. So whip that out that small prick Bjork, and show the country who's boss. Make that 15 year contract a reality.
  13. My first thought was "why in the living fuck would any longhorn fan be in a lease with a bunch of aggy?". Then I noticed who posted that comment and it made complete sense.
  14. Yeah, I dont believe that shit for a second. I think they already know who their next coach is, which is why they fired Jimbo. And middle age men with small dicks don't trade in that 6 year old 'vette for a late model camry. They trade it in for one of them Hennessey Velociraptors. A cost effective sensible hire is nowhere on the radar for aggy.
  15. When we look back at Sark's career, replete with multiple national championships and the SEC officially renamed the "Sark After Dark" Conference, we will owe it all to one man. Thank you for your service.
  16. That ship sailed a long time ago.
  17. Sadly its still somehow easier to understand what Corso is trying to say than Coach Boomhauer.
  18. What's even funnier is we all know they are gonna have to buy this next coach out twice. And who knows how expensive that will be by the time they get someone signed.
  19. Its days like today where norman makes his kibbles. Lets all bow our heads for the unspeakable Jif-fueled horrors that little guy will face this morning.
  20. It doesn't really matter. They could harness all of their formidable scientific expertise responsible for such hits as maroon carrots and cold fusion and instead focus it on creating a Belichik-Saban love child. They could then develop a time machine to go into the future and bring the grown up version of that coaching wunderkind back to the present to lead the Texum bulldogs. And they would still go 8-4. No matter how much money they spend, they cant stop being aggy.
  21. Shoulda been dragging his IcyHotStuntaz kid by his chains behind him.
  22. I'm with you man. I never listen to any coach's post game press conferences, not even Texas coaches. But Jimbo's just hit different. That boomhauer-esque summary of every drive in the game reliably followed up by 15 minutes of shoving his kids under the bus for failure to execute.....it never got stale. I thought I still had time, and now its dawning on me I'll never hear another one again as long as I live. And thats f'n sad, man. I think I'm gonna go light some candles and soak in the tub with a bottle of whiskey, listening to this on repeat. I know it will get better, and that the sun will come up again, but now is not that time. Now is the time for grieving.
  23. Oooh. Kliff was not a name that even remotely crossed my mind. As majorly bummed as I am about losing Jimbo in CS, hiring KK would be a pretty good bounce back. Any rational person will quickly discount that possibility thinking no athletic department could be that fucking dumb. But the ability to reach new depths in stupidity is what sets aggy apart. Come on Russ, you got this.
  24. I'm actually kind of bummed. No former aggy coach was as fun to laugh at. I dont think there is any way they can hire another coach as dumb as that motherfucker. His IQ is probably 65, and he still managed to swindle over $100M+ from aggy. In a lot of ways, he was the perfect aggy corch, and now he's gone. This is a sad day for me.
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