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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. Look at the eyes. You sure that's not Jimbo?
  2. I never knew that many people had Pre-Columbian art stashed away. Are Oncologists pushing that shit so they can make more money?
  3. Same thing happens with rock music, Kung Fu, Dungeons and Dragons, and sweat lodges.
  4. Make an NFT out of it. That's the thing to do.
  5. Where are my "Take the nice shoes to the shoe repair guy, put Shoe Goo on the sneakers" brethren?
  6. I get it. It just wasn't ever all that funny. I thought somebody would've told you.
  7. Does Taylor Swift do yoga? Yoga indoctrination of our children is a threat.
  8. I chop up cardboard, blockprint things like cartoon fake money on it, then sell it for real money at art shows. Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair.
  9. In our mid-teens, Mark, Ben, and I followed a zig-zag creek up a narrow valley. Took forever doing the zig-zags and getting past vines. Saw a nest like this, one or more of us threw rocks at it. I block the next part out of my mind, but instantly we exploded straight back down the way we came, and I mean straight, vaulting every zig and zag of the water, busting through every vine. Just like the Grizzly, you don't have to outrun the Hornet. You just have to outrun Mark and Ben.
  10. Everything bus-wise is better in Mexico, for sure. Me and my son took a 2nd Class Bluebird once for the hell of it from Tampico to Tuxpan, and we wound all up in the hills at stations in villages that looked like 1955, vendors hawking homemade candy and aguas frescas. My kid was maybe 11 but he handled pissing in the trough of a dusty cantina just fine. My Amtrak card experience was when I was 21 riding all night from New York to Birmingham, playing Tonk in the club car with three other dudes and swilling lots of beer. When I was 21, I would drink beer until the room started to spin, then I'd go lie down and sleep after the movement stopped. Well, on a train, the MOVEMENT doesn't STOP, ok? First time puking on a train, too.
  11. Somebody tell that pumpkin head that Halloween is over,
  12. Georgia is just the fancy part of Alabama. Mississippi is the empty part. FLA Panhandle is the live-fire range for "Hey Y'all, Watch This."
  13. I ran into her clone once during my waiter stint. Big Damn Deal about why she couldn't get the Saturday Special on Sunday. The sort of thing where I could maybe have snuck it through the system as a favor, but she was going to browbeat me into it. Didn't happen. By Crom, I held the power THAT day.
  14. Since I remain a stout believer in the Treaty of Tordesillas, Panama is still and has been part of the Viceroyalty of Peru*, and any claims otherwise are the enraged croakings of heretic toads and bandits. *Yes, we have heard of the recent (1717) establishment of the Viceroyalty of New Granada, but we remain unimpressed. Therefore, there can be no independent Panama, the idea is ridiculous. I laugh, Sir, I LAUGH. Nor is there a "canal." Mere fables meant to distract us from El Dorado.
  15. Every drunk Frenchman and drunk Mexican now believes this, and is about to say so to the American who just walked into the bar.
  16. On the upside, there is enough lithium left in your body to power all our batteries.
  17. A few of my late-70s highschool alumnae have stayed in good shape. Several have butterballed out. On average, they still look more like Farrah Fawcett wanna-bees than their enormous obese daughters do. And yes, you will always get kidnapped if you go anywhere. I got killed in Mexico 3 or 4 times. It was unreal.
  18. It's not really your yard until you've claimed it. I am working on a bare spot in the grass that has suffered with lack of rain. When I was growing my Okra Empire, along with peppers and anything else a squirrel didn't want, we'd keep buckets in the showers to catch all that extra water. Every morning it'd be "Bring Out Your Bath Buckets!" and I'd hand-water, unlike these fancy fucks and their hoses.
  19. I blame getting to watch Oliver Twist.
  20. Yep. Different states and countries. A stretch from Texas-France-Texas-Mexico-Virginia where I moved every 9 months seems like it took as long as the 19 years since.
  21. Back in the 90s the Birmingham Greyhound station was fairly bleak. Other towns may still be like that, but locally they redid the Greyhound/Amtrak station into a light-filled hall that looks like it's on loan from Denmark. Now we'll see if the loftafarians keep moving downtown. My main complaint with Greyhound now is that it's not useful for small-town travel. They've cut so many stops and put others way out on bypasses that you need a car for part of your trip. Well, if I'm cranking my car, I'll just drive all the way. Megabus was here for a while but has seemingly moved on. You'd know one was nearby when you'd see people sitting outside looking at their laptops. In those days, the appeal seemed to be Wifi. Pretty sure Greyhound Express has whatever Megabus did, and ran them out. Plus there are better ways to get to Atlanta, and who wants to go to Memphis?
  22. We prefer our nonsense to be uttered in a deep-voiced jug-eared style.
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