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Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears


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Last night while I was at work one of the people I work with received a call. He immediately looked crushed. I asked him what happened and he said that the woman who helped raised him, his grandmother, passed away. It seemed like this was completely unexpected. All I knew to do was give him a hug and let him cry for awhile. I am not much on hugs and physical contact with people, but I can recognize when someone really needs that. I got his number and told him to just text or call to talk. His mom and dad had no part in his upbringing and it was an aunt and uncle and grandmother who raised him.
 

I worry about him because I do not want him to go overboard and drink heavily. I know he had one last night before he left. I just told him to try and gather his thoughts and grieve for as long as he wants in whatever way he wants. He’s a really good guy, but this just hit him like a rock. 

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Posted (edited)
On 2/26/2024 at 10:02 PM, Parliament said:

Please don’t ever go thinking there aren’t lurkers learning.

I watch the view count. I know someone is reading along. If I don't do much else in this lifetime starting this thread is one of my better efforts. All I did was get the ball rolling. I'll rant some, cry some, and cheer on anyone that wanders by. But, I think it's all of everyone that makes it work; lurkers that speak up, regs checking in, and the occasional uplifting story.

First baseball year without my old man. For all of his faults that's one thing that I can and will hang onto in the positive column. I'll try to remember that when we go clear out his house this weekend.

 

Edit: at present 1.7k replies, 93.1k views

55 to 1. All y'all reading along hang in there and keep going.

Edited by cactusflinthead
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I have a friend that I used to work with here that joined the Air Force and has been stationed in Okinawa for most of the last two years. He called today and we always have great conversations. Today when he called he told me that a member of his unit committed suicide last week. He was 28 years old, a loner and an alcoholic. He said that his commanding officer found him in his room after they got the door unlocked. He told me on Friday they had a ceremony as they boarded his remains back to the states.
 

He said it was like what you see in the movies and guys were crying as they saluted him. My friend is a little older than many of them as he is 30 and married. He can talk about this easier than they can. He said you could see signs he was unhappy. They try to talk peer-to-peer as much as they can to help folks through things, but him being such a loner made it hard. He said he looked at this young man’s social media and saw someone who was really close to his family. That probably weighed heavily on his mind being so far away in Okinawa. I guess the thing to take from a tragedy like this is to just remember to check on your friends and family more often and see how they are really doing before it gets to this point. Just so sad to know this young man felt this sad on the inside and left this world way too early.

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My other friend from work was there today. I asked him how he’s doing and if the funeral plans had been finalized for his grandmother. He said he was okay (he was lying) and that things are a mess for his family. I told him it’s okay to say he’s not okay. It’s a normal human emotion to be greatly saddened at the passing of someone he loved and cared about.

I told him to just let out his feelings and if he has to just text me his thoughts to do so because he’ll feel better just getting it out. He couldn’t understand why I told him to do this because very few people have asked how he is doing and I have only known him a few months. I said that I know pain like his and that when you see that kind of pain you do what you can to help. I hope he will reach out when he is ready. At least he knows there is someone willing to listen at any time of day or night. 

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Saying this out loud just so I can remind myself.  We need to work on our friendships and get to the point where we can pick on the phone, any time, say, "How are you doing?  I'm worried about you," and get a candid, "I'm SO glad you called.  Yeah I'm not doing well at all."  

Coworkers too.  The fact is we have coworkers who spend almost as many waking hours with us than they do with any family.  We need to try to get in well enough with coworkers they're comfortable enough to call us when they see it's necessary.

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21 hours ago, Parliament said:

Saying this out loud just so I can remind myself.  We need to work on our friendships and get to the point where we can pick on the phone, any time, say, "How are you doing?  I'm worried about you," and get a candid, "I'm SO glad you called.  Yeah I'm not doing well at all."  

Coworkers too.  The fact is we have coworkers who spend almost as many waking hours with us than they do with any family.  We need to try to get in well enough with coworkers they're comfortable enough to call us when they see it's necessary.

I struggle with this topic.  On the one hand, of course we should all be more supportive of each other and people going through mental health problems should have people close to them that they always feel comfortable reaching out to in order to get thru their tough moments.  But on the other hand, people with serious mental health issues can be exhausting.  I have had friends going through problems that seem like they need neverending support.  It has made me very skittish about reaching out to people I’m worried about, because I feel like I’m just asking to get used up.  I have suffered from depression and suicidal ideation off and on (mostly on) for decades.  When I was young I didn’t feel badly about reaching out to friends or my brothers or my mom for someone to talk to.  But in middle age I realize how busy every one is and how burdened everyone is with their own problems, and so there’s a lot of guilt about using up other people’s time and energy.

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Yesterday on Reddit Austin I came across a thread about Mopac and the 183 bridge being shut down. Redditors said it was a jumper from the 183 overpass down to Mopac. Then I see this thread this morning. The whole read was sad, but the part about the ringing phone got to me. Holy fuck, someone on the other end of that line is going to have a very bad year. I'm not a religious person but I'll think positive thoughts (I guess my way of saying prayers) to anyone who needs help. If you need help, please reach out to someone, anyone.

 

 

183/Mopac death

I was driving home from work and the car in front of me stops on the overpass and puts their hazards on… I’m thinking they’re out of gas. But then they drive up another 40 feet and stop again. He opens his door and with no hesitation, he jumps off the overpass and lands on the median on mopac. I’ve never even dreamt of witnessing something so terrifying in my life. I of course stopped and called 911 and they asked me if he was still breathing so I kept having to look at his body from up top and I can’t get the imagine out of my head. I was stuck on the overpass for a few hours as detectives wanted to know what I’d seen. Meanwhile, he left the door open and his phone was in the seat and someone was calling over and over. I couldn’t help but think of a mom/dad/friend or relative not knowing what had just happened. This has rocked me to my core. Life is fragile, spend it with your loved ones. Love to all

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On 3/6/2024 at 10:04 PM, PRONG HORN said:

 

 

Screenshot-2024-03-06-220328.jpg

 

 

so  very true... Ive had nothing but time to reflect on my life these 4 years and Ive had a lot of arguments with, but most of the hurt was a reselt God haven't managed to win one of them

 

its humbling but its allowing me to let go of so many things recognizing that  I  did a lot of damage to ,y own happiness,, yes I did have some tough situations but much of the hurt was a result of my choices my vanity, arrogance hubris

 

and I lost so many times I  don't know why I tried to live beyond my talents or abilities in a meaningless endeavor

I was so stupid, but at least Im realizing that 

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35 minutes ago, OWLVIS said:

so  very true... Ive had nothing but time to reflect on my life these 4 years and Ive had a lot of arguments with, but most of the hurt was a reselt God haven't managed to win one of them

 

its humbling but its allowing me to let go of so many things recognizing that  I  did a lot of damage to ,y own happiness,, yes I did have some tough situations but much of the hurt was a result of my choices my vanity, arrogance hubris

 

and I lost so many times I  don't know why I tried to live beyond my talents or abilities in a meaningless endeavor

I was so stupid, but at least Im realizing that 

my apologies for the typing mess I  have brain damage,,, and I may have Alzheimers now  my brain no work good

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Sometimes we meet people in passing that we were not really expecting and Saturday night at work counts as one of those moments. If I took an inventory of all the chance meetings I have had I could probably write a book about it. 
 

Tonght I thought my night would end a little early, but I wound up having three more tables and one in particular stood out. I wear a name badge around my neck at work to help folks to see my name and make them feel more comfortable. I have a typical German name that was passed down from my dad to me. Well this table of three was from Cologne. The husband and wife just returned from a motorcycle ride from LA to San Francisco. It was delayed a year because of the snowstorm last year. Anyhow they had their teenage daughter fly over to meet them once her school break started. I tell them my dad was from a small town called Eschwege. To the astonishment of the man he tells me he lived in Eschwege in his childhood and has never met someone in his travels that had ever mentioned it or knew where it was. He invited me to make a trip to Germany to see Eschwege. 
 

I have never been, but this man has not been back to Eschwege since he left in 1974 and this year marks since 60 years I believe since my dad left with his stepfather (US Army) and mother for America. He never returned to Germany. I don’t believe in chance meetings. This man gave me his contact information as he was leaving and I am going to take him up on this. I want to see my father’s hometown and where he grew up starting in January of 1946. Time to do a little research and find out what I can about where he may have resided and anything else about his family history during his 18 years there. Man meeting that man tonight was such a cool experience. I had another awesome chance meeting earlier in the night where I made some new friends as well.’ Sometimes you get completely blindsided with a wonderful surprise like this when you aren’t expecting it.

I mention this because sometimes when you are really going through it you just have to look for and hope for the positives to come your way. I always tell folks that no matter how rough things seem there will be an end point and things will get better. Just always keep pushing forward bit by bit and sometimes you’ll have a cool day like this one.

Edited by UpperWestside
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On 3/23/2024 at 12:35 AM, OWLVIS said:

so  very true... Ive had nothing but time to reflect on my life these 4 years and Ive had a lot of arguments with, but most of the hurt was a reselt God haven't managed to win one of them

 

its humbling but its allowing me to let go of so many things recognizing that  I  did a lot of damage to ,y own happiness,, yes I did have some tough situations but much of the hurt was a result of my choices my vanity, arrogance hubris

 

and I lost so many times I  don't know why I tried to live beyond my talents or abilities in a meaningless endeavor

I was so stupid, but at least Im realizing that 

This is one of the best introspective things I have ever read someone say here or anywhere else. Thank you so very much for opening up to us like this man. Just awesome to read your honesty. 

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On 3/15/2024 at 9:39 AM, Snake Diggity said:

But on the other hand, people with serious mental health issues can be exhausting

People can be exhausting. It’s one thing to offer your help and support, it’s another thing to try and be a substitute for counseling, therapy, or psychiatry. It’s good to be there for others, but you have to allow the experts to help as well. Knowing where that line is important, and it’s healthy to have boundaries so people don’t abuse your good will.

Edited by Neonmoon
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I’ll be your witness. I see you, I’m listening. This bitch of a life is not fair I agree 100. Fuck all. Keep playing Barbie, keep talking about movies. Love your dogs, let them love you. Be with your family, sounds rich. I hope it helps, I know it doesn’t feel like it. I’m sorry. 

Edited by troph
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2 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

About to hit 6 months of treatment for PTSD/Depression, and I'm feeling better than I have in quite a while. 

It's helped me identify the issues so I know what they are. This gives me the tools to cope and more importantly accept them for what they are. 

With that I take control of my own well being.

 

Very glad to hear this. I did treatments for depression way back before the beginning of this thread, hence my participation. I took medication for less than a year and learned some coping techniques that have kept me relatively trouble free and pharma free since. It still rears it's head once in awhile but I have been able to stare it down for the most part. Hang in there. It sounds like you have a good handle on it.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

Very glad to hear this. I did treatments for depression way back before the beginning of this thread, hence my participation. I took medication for less than a year and learned some coping techniques that have kept me relatively trouble free and pharma free since. It still rears it's head once in awhile but I have been able to stare it down for the most part. Hang in there. It sounds like you have a good handle on it.

Thank you.

Just had the 6 month follow up today, and things are looking good. 

Doc seemed happy with my progress.

It's a lovely day.

Edited by MissingInAction
Grammar hates us all
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On 4/2/2024 at 2:24 PM, MissingInAction said:

About to hit 6 months of treatment for PTSD/Depression, and I'm feeling better than I have in quite a while. 

It's helped me identify the issues so I know what they are. This gives me the tools to cope and more importantly accept them for what they are. 

With that I take control of my own well being.

 

This is really cool to read. Good on you for tackling this and getting the help you needed to change your life for the better. It takes courage to do what you did. Congratulations to you and I hope you have many more milestones ahead to celebrate.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Really sad news hit us Thursday morning.  Husband of one of my wife's closest co-workers/friends shot himself the night before.  Just crushes my heart.  He was about in his mid-fifties, his wife had already retired with full state pension, they have two grown sons (oldest getting married this year, youngest about to graduate with a EE degree), he had planned to work at least until the youngest was going to graduate.  They traveled when they wanted, had a family ranch outside of town, hunted, had fun, etc.  And just an overall great guy too, not a snarky or cynical bone in his body.  From the outside, that family was checking every single box we are all striving for.  My wife and I didn't know he was struggling with depression.  Was told that same day that he had been going to therapy.  I completely respect that I'll never be able to understand what he was going through, and the ultimate conclusion he came up with.  But those thoughts just seem so foreign and far away to me, no matter how down I've been.  It does make me wonder if I will ever realize it if it starts to happen to me....(sigh)...

Edited by freyguy
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“From the outside” - if I’ve learned anything from the 3 suicides from people very close to me that have died by suicide in the last 10 months, it’s that things are not always what they seem.

One of my closest friends died 3 Tuesdays ago. We had talked on Sunday and he seemed in such a great mood. He took his 4 kids fishing the day before and they had posted pics all over social media of what was seemingly the most perfect, idyllic Saturday spent at the family farm/private lake.

Then somehow Monday night/Tuesday morning he went to a house that he was flipping and ended his life.

I was out on my boat yesterday and was remembering all our fishing trips just wishing we could have had one more where I had the courage and foreshadowing to say “what’s really going on with you, my friend.” But I couldn’t have seen it coming.

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You're exactly right. It's an act of insanity. I know guys at the halfway house fresh outta the pen who aren't on a winning streak that hit their knees in gratitude every morning. One of the 3 aforementioned suicides I mentioned was a billionaire’s daughter who could have taken daddy’s jet anywhere in the world to get away.

Those of us who remain are the ones who have to deal.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The first time my GF and I ever talked on the phone, one of the things we talked about was underrated movies… stuff we loved but that didn’t get the love we thought it deserved.

Her: What movie do you like that doesn’t get enough credit?

Me: Well, a few years ago I’d probably have said The Warriors, but it seems to have a cult thing going on now, so I guess mine would be Eddie and the…

Her: Cruisers! Yes! 

Both: Tender Years!

So, grinning like an idiot, I play Tender Years and we just listen to it. 

Me: What about…

Her: On the Dark Side? I love it.

Me: … On the Dark Side?

And then we both just laughed. I felt like maybe I’d found something I didn’t even know was there to look for.

Fast forward a few days and I’ve made an MP4 of the drum and sax intro and made it her text tone. For six and a half years, every time she texted me, I heard the intro to Tender Years. Sometimes she’d be in the same room and text me and say, “I just want to hear my text come in.” 

Fast forward a few years and Tender Years was going to be our first dance at our wedding. Even if we couldn’t ever have an official one. 

Fast forward to last Saturday and it was raining like a bitch here. She didn’t like driving in the rain. In a fair world, I’d have driven her to her office and to any showings she would’ve had that day. And then we’d have gone to have pho or Tex-Mex. And we”d have been delusionally happy and not even really noticed, because that was our default state. 

Instead, I was driving back, alone, in the rain from a friend’s house and Tender Years comes on the radio. I had to pull over. It was the worst moment I’ve had since I walked away from her for the last time at her memorial.

Tonight, I’m on her iPad looking for any straggling emails or texts from her clients. Like a fuckwit, I open her Apple Music. What’s on under “heavy rotation?” Tender Years. And she had a Wedding playlist. Yeah. It was on there, of course. Fuck me. 

She’s fucking gone and she took part of me with her and none of that is ever coming back. In a few days, it will be three months since she died. I think its hitting even harder now than then because some of the numbness and disbelief is gone. 

I feel this image. I am this image. Except I’d add “dogs” to the list. 
 

 

IMG_1056.jpeg

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