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luke duke

Bidet Meta Threas

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2 hours ago, PhillyD said:

I'll be interested in your review.  I'm not ready to pull the trigger yet.  Also need a way to carry it at the office.

Stash it in the drop ceiling? 

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12 hours ago, luke duke said:

 


Just shove it down your pants leg

 

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Edited by Blotto

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On 2/18/2019 at 8:30 AM, chikin23 said:

After a couple of weeks of use I've noticed there's going to be a huge savings on toilet paper in the future. Should've bought one of these years ago.

Also better for the environment. It takes 37 gallons of water to produce one roll of tp.

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A google search shows that the average american uses 57 squares of TP per day.  Charmin Ultra Soft is $0.36/100 squares (amazon) or approximately .0036 cents per square.  So the average american uses about $0.21 of TP per day, out to $76.65 per year.

The math on justifying an entry level bidet in a household of one person is ridiculously good.  If you up that to 3-5 people in a household that are using it then you are really cooking with gas.  If you own your home and can get your whole family on the bidet program (say you have 3 bathrooms and 5 family members) then spending $300 total on 3 mid-level bidets means you are up $83 in the first year.  Those bidets would be pretty damn nice.  If you plan on staying in your home for 7-10 years then justifying one or two really nice ones ($500) and one entry level bidet still looks good on the whole.

Anyone who isn't spraying their ass doesn't like money.

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Just installed mine andgot a jet of water right to the face when I tested it.

Throwing down some ruffage and black bean soup to see what this thing can really do.

Do you guys keep a wash rag by the throne or drip dry? 

Edited by MissingInAction

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Just installed mine andgot a jet of water right to the face when I tested it.
Throwing down some ruffage and black bean soup to see what this thing can really do.
Do you guys keep a wash rag by the throne or drip dry? 
I use 4 squares to pat dry.

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I've made a few converts of family members simply by having Amazon deliver one to their house and then installing it on the guest toilet without permission. 

Obviously not something you can do for everyone, but don't be afraid to force their hand. Or anus, as the case may be. 

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On 8/8/2019 at 10:27 PM, MissingInAction said:

I am now a bidet disciple. 

4 squares is perfect  

Where is it appropriate to spread the word?

When I first got mine if a friend came over I would walk them straight to the bathroom and show it to them. Told them to feel free to crap here and use it. It was like I was showing them an artifact the second they walked in the door. I’ve never successfully converted someone but that is mainly because my friends are cheap and lazy. I do the math and the laziness outweighs the benefit for them. 

I like the idea of buying it as a gift and installing it for them. 

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Think Ive figured out the perfect position now 
Sometimes takes a little wiggling or moving in a circular motion depending on if I are tacos or not.

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I was in Europe when I got a Woot message at 2am my time that the BioBidet USPA 6800U was on sale for $229 with free shipping.  Ordered it and it was waiting for me to install when I got home.

This baby has remote controlled electronically adjustable nozzle pressure and spray direction, heated seat, heated water reservoir, fart filter, heated air dryer, a separate nozzle to wash the wife's naughty bits and a blue led light to find it in the dark.  Taking a dump has become an almost spiritual experience now.

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The true pay off is when I get that ring of fire after too much taco Palenque fire sauce.. That cold water stream really puts out the burn.

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On 8/14/2019 at 8:48 PM, Zone Read said:

I was in Europe when I got a Woot message at 2am my time that the BioBidet USPA 6800U was on sale for $229 with free shipping.  Ordered it and it was waiting for me to install when I got home.

This baby has remote controlled electronically adjustable nozzle pressure and spray direction, heated seat, heated water reservoir, fart filter, heated air dryer, a separate nozzle to wash the wife's naughty bits and a blue led light to find it in the dark.  Taking a dump has become an almost spiritual experience now.

Ahhh yes.. the remote control.  For when you are so lazy that you can't be bothered to let your arm fall to your side to twist a knob.  You are taking this to a different level... and I like it.  Someone needs to come up with a bidet app for the iphone/ipad.  Then i don't even have to stop looking at my phone to clean my shit hole.

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2 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Pretty sure my date was more satisfied by the bidet than me the other night.

Went out with a chick that burped big time on our first date and then on the second date started talking bidet to me.  Turned her guts into a sloppy joe that night (with my penis).  Then made the mistake of banging her sober and now she is catching feelings.

Edited by Jhawk

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31 minutes ago, Jhawk said:

Ahhh yes.. the remote control.  For when you are so lazy that you can't be bothered to let your arm fall to your side to twist a knob.  You are taking this to a different level... and I like it.  Someone needs to come up with a bidet app for the iphone/ipad.  Then i don't even have to stop looking at my phone to clean my shit hole.

I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit I tried to see if I could link it to a Harmony hub in my living room using bluetooth so I could voice command it with Alexa.  But it uses an IR remote and I didn't want to buy an additional hub.

Edited by Zone Read
typo

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honestly, i don't get the warm water and ass dryer. i live in michigan where during the winter the water is ice cold. my bunghole could literally give a shit 9shitty pun intended). and the ass blow dryer? first of all it won't even be as strong as a hair dryer. and b) who wants to sit there for 15 minutes waiting for your ass to dry? just dab it with tp and call it a day. 15 seconds.

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Ahhh yes.. the remote control.  For when you are so lazy that you can't be bothered to let your arm fall to your side to twist a knob.  You are taking this to a different level... and I like it.  Someone needs to come up with a bidet app for the iphone/ipad.  Then i don't even have to stop looking at my phone to clean my shit hole.

Or better yet, “Alexa, wipe my ass”

 

Oh the fun..

 

Edit, damn it, ZR beat me to it

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18 hours ago, Zone Read said:

I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit I tried to see if I could link it to a Harmony hub in my living room using bluetooth so I could voice command it with Alexa.  But it uses an IR remote and I didn't want to buy an additional hub.

This is the material that brought me to stop lurking on TOS. Voice command ass wiping is now on my to-do list. Also.. I’m going to try and come up with a self cleaning disinfectant tongue textured oscillator that comes out after I’m all clean and gives me a few butt licks before retreating into the toilet. Then I’ll have Alexa shout out from my Sonos sound bar “mmmmhmmmmm all clean Davey boy! Tasting like a peach!” Every time I, or someone else, uses it. Can’t wait to hear that while sitting at the table with family for an Xmas ham. 

Edited by Jhawk

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2 hours ago, Jhawk said:

This is the material that brought me to stop lurking on TOS. Voice command ass wiping is now on my to-do list. Also.. I’m going to try and come up with a self cleaning disinfectant tongue textured oscillator that comes out after I’m all clean and gives me a few butt licks before retreating into the toilet. Then I’ll have Alexa shout out from my Sonos sound bar “mmmmhmmmmm all clean Davey boy! Tasting like a peach!” Every time I, or someone else, uses it. Can’t wait to hear that while sitting at the table with family for an Xmas ham. 

Actually, the more I think about it, maybe it’s not such a bad idea.  I’ve read several articles that say that the item in a hotel room that has the highest fecal bacteria count is the TV remote control.  I can only imagine how high the count is for a remote control that’s used next to the shitter for the shitter.  Hands-free may be the way to go.

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TOTO Washlet S350e user here checking in.  This thread from TOS is the main reason I wanted one and I'll never live in another house without one. 

We remodeled a house in East Texas and when I asked our contractor to put in an electrical outlet next to the toilet he looked at me like I had a 2nd nose growing out of my forehead.  Don't knock it until you try it.

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Staying at my mom's bidetless house over Thanksgiving.  Just got back from the Walgreens purchasing some preparation H.  After nearly 3 years of cool streaming water, my asshole is like a hothouse flower that can no longer survive in the wild.

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13 minutes ago, Not a cat said:

Staying at my mom's bidetless house over Thanksgiving.  Just got back from the Walgreens purchasing some preparation H.  After nearly 3 years of cool streaming water, my asshole is like a hothouse flower that can no longer survive in the wild.

I bought one for my inlaw's guest bedroom for when we stay there. Worth the small investment.

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On 11/8/2019 at 7:36 AM, Jhawk said:

This is the material that brought me to stop lurking on TOS. Voice command ass wiping is now on my to-do list. Also.. I’m going to try and come up with a self cleaning disinfectant tongue textured oscillator that comes out after I’m all clean and gives me a few butt licks before retreating into the toilet. Then I’ll have Alexa shout out from my Sonos sound bar “mmmmhmmmmm all clean Davey boy! Tasting like a peach!” Every time I, or someone else, uses it. Can’t wait to hear that while sitting at the table with family for an Xmas ham. 

Alexa....Tongue my asshole

(waits 45 seconds)

Alexa.....tongue my asshole

(waits another 45 seconds)

Alexa ......call the office and leave a message I'm out sick today

Alexa.....tongue my asshole

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1 hour ago, HoustonHorn said:

I bought one for my inlaw's guest bedroom for when we stay there. Worth the small investment.

Yeah, no shit (haha). 

I've sent a few in advance of my arrival at family members' houses before an extended stay. 

Have Amazon send one ASAP. 

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Send one on prime. Hold dump until Friday. Install. Dump nuclear waste. Ass bathe. Ride off into sunset.

If asshole comfort were an investment then people like me would call that arbitrage. 

Profit. 

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I got my electrical outlet installed as well as my new Toto Drake II toilet last week, with the Bio Bidet 6800 from Costco as the cherry on top. This was the one I linked about in post 225, sells for $450 on Amazon, on sale for $220 at Costco. 

Well wouldn't you fucking know it, the remote doesn't work. The remote controls all of the advances features - pressure, oscillation, seat temp, water temp, dryer, and a bunch of other bells and whistles that I haven't discovered yet. Without it, all I can do is use the button on the side that turns the water on and off, and it's relatively low pressure. I am sad. 

I called them the next morning - Wednesday last week - and they shipped out a new remote to me. But of course it being the Holiday and them using USPS, I wasn't going to have it in time for a weekend of heavy eating. So I was sad. The tracking info told me I would have it yesterday by 8 PM. But again, of course USPS can't get a damn thing right. Got home from the boys basketball game last night and no delivery. They are now saying I will have it today between 1 and 2. We shall see. I am trying to hold things in until then. 

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I am squared away now and it's time for a full scale review. 

I have been a practitioner of the luxe/water pressure type of bidet for many years. I was perhaps at the forefront of the movement. I don't want to give myself too much credit, but I feel safe placing myself in the early adopter space. I have become such a convert that I actually, truthfully, have purchased and installed these things as throwaway items on vacations - spending a week up at my in laws or my buddy's place on the lake - with permission it's a no-brainer. As previously alluded to - your asshole does become a delicate flower. When I'm traveling for work or what have you, I have no issues using baby wipes. But I'm not going to do that at home, or at a friend's place. 

So...let's get this straight. You don't NEED an advanced, electrical powered bidet. Sure, you can pull a lever and shoot a firehose type of stream at your asshole, ice cold, and stand up, water dripping down your taint, take a gob of toilet paper to dab your rectum and dry it off, and then take another to stick your finger into your starfish and ensure you will wipe clean, only to have a little bit of tp break off, because your cornhole is still damp. It's generations better than wiping. 

But wow...this is a step up. I don't understand how our culture hasn't adopted this yet. The seat has a sensor. So it won't work unless you're on it.  And if you're spraying full bore, the instant you stand up, it will turn off. As soon as you sit down, the sensor tells the deodorizer to kick in, and there is some kind of anti- shit smelling mechanical fan that kicks into action. When you're done pooing, you hit the remote with the spray button (optional to select the power spray button), and can control the pressure low to high, as well as front to back (in case your asshole is positioned weirdly). Oh and did I mention the seat is heated by nature, and you can also heat the water in the bowl via the remote? I live in Antarctica (so it feels), so this is a good feature. 

After you have sufficiently sprayed your anus, you can hit the hair dryer option on the remote, and you will activate a blower from below, to sufficiently dry your butthole. Again it turns off automatically if you feel that you are dry and stand up. But otherwise, you can let it run its course, stand up, and dab (are you a monster? You still must check.) and be done with it. 

It's time to step it up y'all, this is the high life. 

 

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I disagree with your characterization of limited use purchases as being "throwaway items" - they mark the spread of the Bidet Empire, flagposts for us intrepid shitters united in spreading the gospel to the assholes of the world. 

They're a sign of progress and deserve to be treated with respect and deference. 

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1 minute ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I disagree with your characterization of limited use purchases as being "throwaway items" - they mark the spread of the Bidet Empire, flagposts for us intrepid shitters united in spreading the gospel to the assholes of the world. 

They're a sign of progress and deserve to be treated with respect and deference. 

They are the Rosa Parks of the bidet movement. 

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41 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I disagree with your characterization of limited use purchases as being "throwaway items" - they mark the spread of the Bidet Empire, flagposts for us intrepid shitters united in spreading the gospel to the assholes of the world. 

They're a sign of progress and deserve to be treated with respect and deference. 

You may be spreading the gospel and I applaud that. However, not so in my case. My buddy's wife does not want a bidet at their lake house. Nor does my mother in law. So I actually uninstalled and threw them away at the end of the weekend. 

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Before an overseas flight, I usually try to unload before boarding hoping I won't need drop one on the plane.  I was very pleasantly surprised that the main business lounge in DFW for AA (I think it's in terminal C) have every toilet equipped with an every bell and whistle bidet - seat and water heater, frying fans, multiple sprays, etc. (I didn't see the brand)

The first time I've seen one like this in a US "public" toilet whereas you see them pretty standard in Japan.

Oh, and the wifi works in the stalls as well.   

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I'm not reading this whole thread and need a quick Amazon rec for a bidet.

My husband and I don't share a bathroom.  It's why we're still married.  I installed a bidet in mine a few years ago.  He discovered it and now shits in my bathroom.

Save my marriage and send me a link.

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I'm not reading this whole thread and need a quick Amazon rec for a bidet.
My husband and I don't share a bathroom.  It's why we're still married.  I installed a bidet in mine a few years ago.  He discovered it and now shits in my bathroom.
Save my marriage and send me a link.
You have two choices here:
1. Read the entire thread for recs; or
2. Post a pic of your tits for recs.

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